That arrow is supposed to be pointing at me. Because I stand with Planned Parenthood.
However, my photo is on the OTHER side. But just humor me, 'kay?
And listen to my story about why I stand with Planned Parenthood.
Actually, READ my story since this isn't Books on Tape.
I was 17, sexually active by choice and neither my partner or I used protection. Instead, we preferred to roll the dice by using the rarely effective "withdrawal" method, thinking that getting knocked up was something that happened to other people, not to a Cheerleader and her professional motorcycle racer boyfriend.
When I realized I was pushing my luck, I went to Planned Parenthood to get birth control. And it was during my very first physical exam, the kind where your legs are in stirrups, that I heard the words I hoped I wouldn't hear.
"Looks like a pregnancy here."
After I got dressed, shaking and terrified, a staff member took me to a room to talk to me about my choices.
I could proceed with the pregnancy or I could terminate. Whichever I chose, Planned Parenthood would guide me and support me. They did not judge me or try to steer me in either direction. It was MY choice to make, not theirs.
I asked to think about it and went home, shocked, crying and wondering how the hell I was going to tell my parents, let alone my boyfriend.
I never had to make that difficult choice because I started my period that very night. A week later, I went back to Planned Parenthood and got a 3 month supply of birth control pills.
Over the next several years, I continued to use Planned Parenthood for my health needs, especially because birth control was not covered by my insurance plan.
One of my greatest fears is that women will no longer have the right to decide how, when and if she will bear a child and because of that fear, I will continue to support stand with Planned Parenthood.
Read more stories from real women and how Planned Parenthood saved them.
Please, stand with Planned Parenthood.
For reasons beyond my ken, the television Gods are conspiring against me this fine Winter Sunday where it's 80 degrees in my neck of the woods and remind me again that Global Warming is a myth, will ya?
WHY are the television Gods conspiring against me, you ask?
I'll tell you.
For starters, I had set my DVR to record several programs today. Several IMPORTANT programs.
The first sign of trouble was when the first program, AMA Supercross, wasn't shown when CBS said it would be shown which makes them big, fat, hairy liars. Instead of the scheduled Supercross, it was some stupid political show with Michelle "Crazy Eyes and a Closeted Husband" Bachmann and some other people yammering on about who is the "True Conservative" in the current crop of GOP Presidential wannabes.
And because my DVR and Verizon Fios programming still insisted it was CBS Sports Spectacular (Spectacular FAIL!), my DVR recorded said political show.
Isn't that swell?
If you are friends with me on Facebook, you got to witness a serious fit being pitched about the CBS Supercross Switch. The was much gnashing of teeth, rending of garments, tearing of hair and screams of rage.
We take our motorcycle racing serious in this house.
So then a mad scramble ensued to find out exactly WHEN CBS would be showing last night's Supercross and ALLEGEDLY, it will be shown here in the LA area at 4:00pm but we shall see and I'm not holding my breath.
But it gets better.
The Supercross Lites race was scheduled to be shown on SpeedTV and I had made sure to set my DVR to record that.
But when I checked my DVR "Scheduled" page, the Lites race was not showing up in the scheduler.
So I check the channel and the Series Manager and yes, it's got the little check box thingamajig that tells me it's a Series that will be recorded.
But guess what?
It would not record. It would not record. IT WOULD NOT RECORD!!!!!
So then I decide I'll just delete the recording from the scheduler and record it manually. Sounds easy, right?
WRONG.
I could not make a single change to that particular program. It wouldn't record but it wouldn't let me delete or change anything. I tried and I tried and I tried and my DVR and Verizon Fios programming just LAUGHED at me and my feeble attempts to take control.
Finally I just flung the remote across the room and let out a wail of anguish that brought the dogs running to my assistance and caused Thing 2 to roll her eyes and to tell me to take a chill pill.
I think there were daggers shooting from my eye sockets at THAT. Thing 2 has zero interest in anything motorcycle. Obviously, she's a Changeling left by the Gypsies.
I was finally able to record the Lites race but on the non-HD channel. Which is like recording something in black and white on a color TV.
It's just wrong.
The CBS and its programmers are WRONG!!!
Bastards.
But on a positive note, NBCSports did nothing to screw up the NHL All Star game.
CBS would have.
Because THEY DON'T CARE.
Bastards.
Well, TheManTheMyth and I nearly dropped the gloves because of our %&^#! countertops.
You'd think it would be easy peasy to decide on a color for concrete countertops but if you thought that, you'd be wrong, Mister.
This is kind of what I had in mind when TMTM suggested we do concrete countertops:
But then he started talking about staining the concrete to be any color I wanted and that's when it all went wrong.
Oh, sure, how hard is it to pick a friggin' color, you may be asking yourself about now. Well I'll tell you, IT'S FRIGGIN' HARD!!
And because I need to SEE something live and in person before making a decision that I'll have to live with FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE (not really; I'm just being dramatic to which you're thinking, "No shit, Sherlock!") we (meaning, *I*) have changed my our minds way too many times.
This morning, we took a field trip to a concrete place because TMTM said the concrete floor of this joint was divided into all sorts of different colors and this way I could SEE for myself what a color would look like and it'd make it much easier to decide.
And guess what we found when we got there?
They had ground all the color off their concrete floors.
And I'm all, "Really?"
Of course.
So we finally chose yet ANOTHER color (to compliment our walnut butcher block island countertop) and TMTM is hard at work sanding, grinding and whatever else he needs to do to get the countertops DONE.
After all this, there is still the chance that it'll have to be shitcanned, especially when it comes time to move this heavy ass piece of concrete out of the garage and into the house and then we'll be back to square one.
Because that's how we roll.
It's been almost a whole week since George came into my life and the honeymoon is still in full swing.
The simpering.
The giggling.
The cooing.
The anxiety when we are separated.
The fondling. Oh yes, the fondling.
I know it's weird to love a cellphone THAT MUCH but I do.
I've had more fun this week playing with George and downloading apps and choosing ringtones and notification tones and wallpaper and oh! I love George!
What's so fabulous about George is that he delivers e-mails RIGHT AWAY!! And I can actually send a response!
I know!
Who'd a thought? Ain't technology wunnerful?
There is one problem, though, with George.
Unlike the real George Parros, iPhone George is quite the delicate thing. Seriously, I'm terrified I'm going to drop him. I honestly did not expect this phone to be so slick and slippery and glassy.
In all the years I've owned a cellphone device, I have never dropped or broken my phone.
So when the guy at the Apple store asked me if I wanted to shell out the extra $100 for the Apple Care for iPhone plan, I hesitated because see previous sentence. But as soon as I picked up George out of the box, I said, "Sign me up!"
I've ordered me an Otterbox to keep George safe but it's going to be a few days until it arrives and until then, I have to be extra gentle with George.
But I don't mind because we love each other! And George doesn't mind that my wallpaper is of Jonas Hiller (whom I also love, that hot Swiss Mister!) instead of a picture of George Parros himself.
Because George the phone is that awesome. And understands my obsession for hockey players.
Unlike Siri and her "I'm sorry, I can't help you" when I asked her to help me find some hockey players.
I'll remember that, Siri. Trying to keep me from my intended targets.
Anyway, I have found my Soul Mate of a cellphone
And yes, I know I am weird.
But happy!
With George!
I was reading the latest issue of The Oprah Magazine (Don't you judge me) and there was a feature called, "You in Six Words" where you describe your life in...wait for it... six words.
Some of the contributions were funny and some were sad. Some were Deep and some were shallow.
So I thought about it and thought about it and wondered how I would describe my life in six words because it's not as if I've lived a fabulous life but I haven't exactly lived a humdrum BORING life, either. Dead Head, Head Banger, Floozy, Headbangin' Floozy, etc. are just some of the things I've experienced/done/been.
I haven't traveled around the world or even to countries that aren't part of North America.
I haven't had a really horrible (paying) job or one that made me excited and/or inspired.
I loved. I've lost. I've won (Isn't that oh-so deep?).
However, that's not my Six Word description.
No, after really thinking about the things I've done in my, wait, how old am I again? Oh, that's right, 48-1/2 years. Jeez.
Anyway, after really thinking about the things I've done in my 48-1/2 years, the best Six Word description I can come up with is this:
Some Questionable Choices But No Regrets.
Because I've made some questionable decisions/choices, some of which were beyond questionable, some were painful and some were just plain stupid. But I don't regret any of them because they were experiences that made me who I am today.
Older and (somewhat) wiser.
So how would you describe your life in six words?
Guess what I got? Guess what I got? Guess what I got?
No, not George Parros (dammit)
Nor did I get a restraining order from George Parros.
Although the day isn't over yet.
No, I got an iPhone 4S!!!!
I KNOW!!!!
And can I just say that I love this phone as much as I love George?
Because I do.
Which is why I have named it "George."
Oh, and SPEAKING of my iPhone 4S and George Parros, guess what was the first thing I asked Siri?
Go on, guess.
Give up?
The first thing I asked Siri was, "Where can I find hockey players?"
And Siri's response?
"I'm sorry. I can't help you with that."
Wow, Siri. Low blow.
Somehow, Siri found out about my *thing* for stalking hockey players and is trying to protect her/its own ass from any future legal repercussions.
WhatEVER, Siri. I don't NEED your help.
Except when I need to find a good defense attorney.
So this morning, I get in my car and head to the Crack House (don't judge; I've lost 12lbs since November 1st. I can afford to treat myself now and then). Although I have XM Radio, which I LOVE and can't/don't want to live without, I do listen to my iPod in my car.
So I'm driving and I go to switch from XM to my iPod and it doesn't switch over. I keep hitting the switch on the steering wheel and it just goes from XM to AM to FM to AUX but not to "Kelly's iPod."
"Hmmmm," I think to myself. So I open the console between the seats to see if maybe my iPod, which is a Red Nano with my name engraved on the back, had come unplugged.
And yes, you could say that it had, indeed, become unplugged. In fact, it was gone.
Along with my Shell gas card.
Fuck.
And then I think that maybe Thing 1 borrowed my gas card so he could put gas in Big Red and took my iPod because he needed the cord for HIS iPod.
So I ask him and nope, he doesn't have it.
I ask everyone in the family if they have my gas card and my iPod and the answer is No.
Which means that someone stole my iPod and my gas card.
But left a couple of dollars and a boatload of change. Go figure.
And no, my car was not locked. I know, I know. Here's your sign.
But at least my wallet wasn't in my car. Not that there was any money in it but still.
I've already called Shell and reported my card stolen and it will take a week for a new one to get here. Luckily, I had just filled my tank the day before so I'm good there.
However, there IS a bright side to all this:
I GET TO GO AND GET A NEW iPHONE 4S!!!
I KNOW!!
Thing 1 is going to pitch a fit but he can go out and do something to EARN his own iPhone. And pay the monthly bill.
Yeah, shut HIM up.
And before anyone says, "But Kelly, what do YOU do to earn an iPhone?" let me just say that at this time of year, every year, I EARN MY KEEP and TheManTheMyth acknowledges it.
And by "earning my keep" I mean I take care of all the paperwork, of which there is buttloads, for our motorcycle race. Including doing the results, which I finished in less than two days (which is a record) because I'm THAT GOOD.
As soon as TMTM gave me the go-ahead for the new phone, I skedaddled to my local Apple store.
Only to discover they were sold out of the 16GB phone.
Yeah.
So, I'll continue to use my piece of poo Droid for a little while longer and I dug out my ancient iPod Shuffle, the one that looks like a pack of Wrigley's Spearmint gum, loaded it up with a couple of songs and I'm good.
For now.
