Friday, September 2, 2011


Okay for starters here, I have to give a big ol' shout out to an old friend who confessed he reads my little blog so "Hi, Tommy Salami!!"

That's not his real last name.

So, yesterday I was reading the local weekly rag and there was a letter to the editor that I thought was absolutely brilliant.  It was in rebuttal to a letter the previous week written by a woman who had her panties in a twist over a cartoon of Michelle Bachmann and how the commie liberal hommasexshuls are ruining the world for God-fearing Christian Conservatives.

And I don't know about you but isn't "commie liberal" an oxymoron?  Because if there's anything the Communist regimes are known for, it's their liberal policies especially toward human rights.  Or, Not.

Anyway, here is the response:

"Dear (Name),
After reading your rant of August 25, a rational person might believe you to be an ultra-conservative bigot but most people can see that deep down, you are."


After being late for school her first day because of her propensity to dawdle, Thing 2 did much better her second day of school.  We left 10 minutes earlier and arrived at the Designated Drop Off Location (Sizzler parking lot) in 7 minutes.  Which meant I got to listen to her whine about what she was going to do for 20 minutes until the bell rang.  I told her to saunter more slowly than usual and to get her butt outta the car.

Well today, she decided to dawdle yet again.  I'm sitting out in the car, honking the horn because it's late and she comes sauntering out the gate and gets in the car.  We're halfway to school when she suddenly says, "Oh crap."  And of course I say, "What now?" and she informs me she forgot her lunch.  The lunch that I pack for her every morning and place it in a visible place that she can't overlook.

But she did.

And I tell her, "Sucks for you" and I keep driving.  And of course I lecture her once again on her Time Management skills and lack thereof.

So our kitchen remodel is coming along nicely.  I think.  We've got the old microwave plopped on the counter so I'm able to make microwave meals.  Look how massive this thing is:
It's the kind that goes over your range and doubles as a range hood and I never noticed its massive size until we plopped it on the counter.  But it works and that's the important thing here.

The mess from this remodel has been an issue so yesterday was "Clean up Day."  We went from this:
to this:
It's nice being able to walk from the back gate into the house without feeling like I'm on an obstacle course.  Although we still have Hillbilly Hardscape (old appliances) sitting there. 

I really must stick "For Sale" signs on them and put them in the driveway this weekend.  I gotta get rid of them.

So Labor Day is this weekend which means I don't have to get up at 6:00am for the next 3 days.  Woo-hoo!

Back in the day, Labor Day meant heading to the Colorado River for 3 days of debauchery but now, sleeping in is so much better.

Who knows how to party?  Obviously not this gal any more.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Today was the first day of school for Thing 2.  She's a Junior now.  Where in the HELL did time go, is what I ask myself.  Never mind that Thing 1 is now a sophomore in college.  My little Princess is a Junior.  That means next year she'll be a Senior and graduating from High School and my gray hairs are popping out left and right.


This morning marked the first in yet another series of trying to drag her lazy teenage butt out of bed at the unGodly hour of 6:45.  In the morning.  And anyone who knows Thing 2 knows that she and "morning" do not get along all that great.  A Morning Person she is most assuredly is Not.

The sight of her wrapped in a blanket and lurching down the hallway towards daylight and her breakfast of Eggo Chocolate Chip waffles is always something that can only be seen to be believed.  And don't try to talk to her; you'll get whines and moans and "Why are you talking to me?  You KNOW I'm not awake yet! GOD!!" which only makes me chatter like a magpie just to drive her nuts.

Because it's fun to do that.

School starts at the head-scratching time of 7:47am.  Not 7:45.  Not even 7:50.  7:47.  Which I so don't get.

And we live 2.5 miles from school.

So guess who was late to school on her first day?

Why was she late to school on her first day, you ask?

I'll tell you.

SOMEONE has really lousy Time Management Skills and that Someone is NOT me.  There's a reason we call her "The Dawdler."  It takes her 15 minutes to brush her teeth, although sometimes I doubt she's actually brushed them.  Then she has to read Google News, answer any texts that may have come while she was (not) brushing her teeth, watch "Saved by the Bell," slooooowly get dressed and slooooooowly brush her hair.

At 7:15 I start saying, "Come ON!  It's time to go!"

At 7:20 I pound on her door and yell, "LET'S GO!"

At 7:25 I yell, "GODDAMMIT KAYLYN, NOW!!"

At 7:30 she finally moseys out to the car and tells me, "Chill, Mom.  It doesn't take that long to get there."

Oh, but it does.

It took 20 minutes to drive the 2.5 miles to the Unofficial Drop Off location, which is the industrial/business center one block west of the school.  If I would have actually dropped her off AT school, it would have added another 10 to 15 minutes to the trip because of the amount of traffic in that one block area and the fact that there is only a single entrance into the school.  Which is why I don't drop her off at the school.

Had we left the house at 7:15, it would have taken about 5 minutes to make the drive.

But for every 5 minutes later we leave, traffic starts backing up and it adds another 5 minutes of drive time.  Which is why leaving at 7:30 took 20 minutes to drive 2.5 miles, thanks to 4 intersections in a 1/4 mile stretch, which includes a freeway off-ramp with its own traffic signal and a freeway on-ramp with its own traffic signal which is about 150' from the off-ramp traffic signal.  Which is why we sat at one intersection for 4 green light rotations and never moved an inch.

Which is why we arrived at the Drop Off spot at 7:50 and she still had to walk a block to the school.

Which is why we'll be leaving just a tad earlier tomorrow.

I'll still have to yell at her to move her ass, though.

Because she is The Dawdler.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Jeez, I leave town for a quick vacation with my sisters and their families to Lake Tahoe, where I had an absolutely lovely time hiking a STEEP 1 mile trail down to Emerald Bay
for a tour of Vikingsholm, which was beautiful until I realized that it was another STEEP 1 mile hike back UP to the highway and who was ready to pay a Sherpa to carry her fat ass back up the hill?  THIS fat ass!

But I trudged and trudged, stopping at every forest waterfall and pool so that I could kill some time and catch my breath
But I finally made it back to the top and guess who slept like a baby that night in her cozy private cabin that she had all to her self and didn't have to worry about being shoved and told, "You're snoring!"
The lake was gorgeous, the water wasn't as cold as I expected and a lovely time was had by all
And then I got home.  And saw what TheManTheMyth had done on our kitchen remodel in my absence.
When I had left for Tahoe, I had a fully functioning kitchen, including a ceiling.  When I returned after four days, I did Not.

My old stove was sitting out in the backyard along with the microwave and my old washer and dryer.  The contents of my cabinets were tossed willy-nilly into packing boxes and stashed in the backyard:
In my office:
And God Knows where else.  Every day it's another round of "Find the Whatever" which is always a barrel of giggles.

We can't cook because of, well, no stove and the barbecue is Not Functioning at this time.  Our old vent-hood microwave is sitting on top of the old washing machine in the backyard and we have to run an extension cord to it from the garage if we want to make popcorn:
Our meals have mostly consisted of whatever does not require A) cooking and 2) dishes, which leaves sandwiches, salads and cereal.  And of course every day, Thing 1 asks, "What's for dinner?" And doesn't he get all huffy AND puffy when I tell him, "Would you like fries with that?"  

We ALL miss my fabulous cooking.  

Which is a bit of a joke.

However, the remodel is coming along at a good pace, since TheManTheMyth is once again between jobs.

This past weekend the drywall was installed:
 And it's looking so much better:
The cabinets still need to be stripped, sanded and painted.  The old island is coming out and the new island will need to be built.  We've decided on flooring and the tile for the backsplash but I STILL cannot decide on the color of the counter tops.  We're going with concrete counter tops but do I want natural-colored concrete?  A dark stain?  A light stain?  Do I want a design or solid color?  Oh, these are MAJOR decisions here, people.

Okay, I'm hungry.  I guess I'll make a PBJ.

If I can find the bread.  I think I saw it under the bathroom sink.

Or maybe the coat closet.