DIARY OF A GIMPY KID. ACTUALLY, THE GIMPY KID'S MOM

So, Thing 1 survived his surgery on Wednesday.  But man, what a long-ass day!

He was originally scheduled for surgery at noon.  Then they told him to come in a 1:00pm.  And of course he can't eat or drink anything after midnight so by the time 1:00pm rolls around, he's ready to gnaw on his arm.

We check in, he gets all prepped and put in his cute little hospital gown, booties and a dapper chapeau:

He gets hooked up to his IV and then...we wait.  And wait.  And we wait some more.  At 3:00pm, he gets wheeled to the pre-op waiting area and talks with his doctor and the anesthesiologist.  He gets a shot of something and is off to LaLa Land.  Which was good because he was a nervous wreck this time.

FINALLY, at 4:00pm, which, if you do the math, is a whopping FOUR HOURS later than the original surgery time, they tell me to wave goodbye to my little boy and off he goes to surgery, to go Under the Knife.

By this time, I'M around ready to chew my arm off so I figure I'll walk somewhere (I didn't want to lose my parking spot) and get a bite to eat.  And I look in my wallet and there's a whole two bucks in there.  Which would be enough for a bottle of Two Buck Chuck (if I drank wine...which I don't) but not enough for a meal.  

Of course I would arrive at the hospital for my kid's surgery without any money.  Especially since I knew I would be there for hours.  So why bring money?  Especially since the cafeteria is right next to the lobby/waiting area and smells of food would waft out every time someone opened the door.

Which meant, if I wanted food, I had to go somewhere that took plastic.  Which narrowed my choice to MickeyD's.  Yay.

To make this day go even better, my phone decided to be a dick.  I could not get internet, even with the hospital's free WiFi, which meant I could not amuse myself on Facebook or even play Words With Friends (if anyone wants to play, I'm "Another Kelly" and I'm terrible at WWF so it'd be an easy win for you.  Just sayin').  After sending and receiving a couple of texts, the battery decided to roll over and play dead.  All in the space of about 3 hours.  Which is ANOTHER reason why I hate my phone and am counting the days until January 2, 2012 when I can upgrade.

Nothing like going off on a tangent about my stupid phone.  Again.

Back to Thing 1.

An hour and a half after he went Under the Knife, his doctor comes out and tells me everything went well, the screws and wire holding his kneecap together were removed and repairs were made to damaged cartilage and ligaments and someone would come and get me in about 45 minutes.

Waiting.  Waiting. Waiting.  Thank God I had my Kindle since I couldn't play WWF.  And in the time I sat waiting for someone to come and get me, I read 75% of a book before my eye began to twitch and the room, to pitch.

An hour and a half later, I went up to the desk and asked if I could see my kid.  He was finally brought in and we spent the next hour and half waiting for painkillers and also for him to pee because they wouldn't release him until he peed.  Both boxes were finally checked and he was wheeled out to the car.

By the time we got him in the car, the painkillers were in full effect and I believe his exact words were, "I'm higher than a kite."  And his next words were, "I think I'm gonna puke."

Yay.

I got him home without incident and put him to bed.

And to give you an idea of just how high he was, he invited his sister, Thing 2,  to sit and watch the Country Music Awards with him.

I know!!

And they kept up a conversation the whole time without a single, "No, I hate YOU!"

I know!!!

Of course, that sibling love faded as soon as the meds wore off and things were back to normal.

Well, as normal as it gets when your teenage son is literally crying because the pain in his knee was so bad and the painkillers had as much of an effect as baby aspirin?

So guess who had to call the doctor and get a new prescription for The Good Drugs?

And his doctor, bless his heart, included a prescription for a little something to keep the plumbing working, to keep things movin' and a-shakin', to make sure he doesn't plug up, if you get my drift.

And I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to know I included that part.

Thing 1 is ensconced in bed with his TV remote, his XBox 360, his iPod, his laptop, his cellphone AND a big empty jug.  And I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to know I mentioned that last item.

And with all that stuff at his fingertips, the hard part will now be getting him up and moving.  

And a-shakin'.

LIKE THE PEARL JAM SONG SAYS, "I'M STILL ALIVE."

It's been awhile since my last post and I'm sure my 1 or 2 followers have decided I'm never coming back and have transferred their blogging affections to someone else.

Well guess what, people?? I'm back.

There's been a lot of stuff going on and it's kind of taken precedence over having witty and pithy observations for your viewing/reading pleasure.

There's been some good things and some bad things that have kept me a bit preoccupied.

A beloved member of our racing community was brutally murdered last week and we're all still reeling from the shock.  


A few weeks earlier, we learned that a guy I worked with and who just did a job for us was THIS guy.  That was a bit of a shocker, too.


Let's see, what else?


Oh.  Thing 1 goes Under the Knife this afternoon for his knee.  They're taking out the screws and other flotsam and jetsam and he'll be Hopalong Cassidy for the next 6 to 8 weeks.  And driving us (read: ME) crazy.  I'm the lucky one who gets to sit in the hospital waiting room while he's sliced open.  The real fun part will be getting him into the car to bring him home and then getting him out of the car when we get home.  Then up the steps and into his bed.  And bets are on that Gracie Lou will run and jump right onto his knee in her excitement to see him.  Because that's what she does.  Just ask my sister.


The kitchen remodel is coming along.  TheManTheMyth is hard at work as we speak (okay, as I type this) building the island.  He's such a handy guy.  Useful as well as ornamental.


We picked out floor tile, which is supposed to arrive some time today.  The new hardwood section of the dining room is installed but doesn't have the finish on it.  One of these days, I WILL take a picture of how the kitchen looks so far.


A big decision was made this morning by TheManTheMyth and me.  The palm trees along our backyard fence will have to come down.  I know, I know.  But they've grown just a bit too big and one of them is on the verge of breaking the fence.  They just got too massive and we weren't expecting them to get THAT big.  The one on the left has a HUGE base and it's only going to get bigger so, they must go.

And yes, it's a clear, sunny day with winds so dry my skin is cracking and my sinuses are screaming.  Gotta love them Santa Ana winds.  However, our weather will change yet again, with rain coming our way in a couple of days.


In other, more serious news, was anyone shocked that Kim Kardashian's marriage didn't even make it 3 months?  No?  Didn't think so.  What a twit she is.  But what can you expect from someone who became famous because she was filmed letting some guy pee on her during sex.  


And is anyone shocked that Michelle Duggar and her clown car of a vagina is knocked up with Baby #20?  Because all the Duggar kids have names starting with the letter "J" I suggest that Duggar Baby #20 be named, "Jeez Louise."  Even if the baby is a boy.


And speaking of babies, I'm having a hard time believing that Justin Bieber is that gal's BabyDaddy.  But if she is, in fact, telling the truth and the Bieb IS the BabyDaddy, well, I, for one, will be shocked. And could I use any more commas in that sentence?


So that's what's going on in my world.  Now I have to take Gimpy the Kid to the hospital.  Wish us luck.