Wednesday, November 23, 2011


Let me state right up front that when it comes to my religious/spiritual beliefs, I'm about as Christian as, well, Moses.  Or Pharaoh.

In other words, I'm NOT.  A Christian, that is.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It's a Choice.  A Lifestyle, if you will.


Bible Thumpers annoy me.  I can't recall the last time a Muslim, Jew or Buddhist knocked on my door wanting to save my soul from eternal damnation. 

Because it's never happened.

Today, however, I had an experience at the Department of Motor Vehicles (of all places) that gave me pause.

For starters, every time I have to go to this particular DMV, I always, ALWAYS get lost.  I turn right off the freeway when I should have turned left, I turn left on the street where its located instead of turning right and by the time I figure out where I screwed up, I've taken the Ho Chi Minh Trail.

All I needed to do was renew the registration on my ATV, which expired back in 2004.  Yes, I'm a little late. My excuse is that I never received a renewal notice.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So the lovely Woman of Color is doing my paperwork and suddenly she leans forward and beckons me in like she's going to tell me a secret.

I lean in real close and she whispers, "Do you read the Bible?"  And I'm thinking, "Crap.  All I want is my OHV sticker and instead another well-meaning Bible Thumper wants to save my soul.  At the DMV.  Great, just great" but instead I just pleasantly say, "Some times." Which is not really a lie. 

She then tells me that there's a verse that says, "Be Still and Know that I am God" and I nod and smile and I don't say anything.

Then she tells me that when it gets all chaotic and crazy, which, at the DMV happens on a regular basis, she takes a deep breath and sits still for a moment and whispers that verse to herself.  Then, she said, she is reminded of a Greater Power and can continue to do her job without going postal.

I just continued to nod and smile and I took my items and wished her a wonderful Thanksgiving and started to toddle off when I stopped and turned back and said, "Thank you for sharing that."

And she just smiled and said, "Your welcome."

The whole way home (I didn't get lost LEAVING the DMV) I just kept hearing that lady whisper, "Be Still and Know that I am God."

And the lesson I learned today was that in times of chaos, just take a moment to be still and focus on a Positive.

This will come in handy during the chaotic holidays.

Class dismissed.

Monday, November 21, 2011


TheManTheMyth is kicking his family out of the house over the Thanksgiving weekend.  We've all been told to find someplace else to go.

Why, you ask, and I just typed, "aks" and since when do I speak Ebonics?  

Anyhoo, the reason we have been asked to leave our place of residence is so that TMTM can re-finish our hardwood floors.  I have no idea where he is planning on sleeping unless he climbs in and out of the bedroom window.  Which is what he did the last time we refinished the floors several years ago.

Why are we refinishing our hardwood floors if we just did them a few years ago?  I'll tell you.

As I may have mentioned a time or two, we're remodeling the kitchen and dining room and the floor of the new section of the dining room is hardwood and the existing floors in the dining room, living room, entry and hallways have taken quite a beating and if we want everything to match, those areas all have to be redone.

So, there's your answer.

And now you're probably asking what refinishing hardwood floors have to do with the title of this post.

I'll tell you.

We have to move everything out of the dining room and living room and put them on our upper, covered patio and also in my office.  And in my never-ending attempts to de-clutter, I'm going through some old file cabinets so I toss that shit out.

And I found an old file box filled with bank statements and cancelled checks from the early 1990's.  And some from my days as a Spinster.

So I've been sitting here feeding checks and bank statements into my little desktop shredder and while I've been doing that, I've been taking a walk down memory lane.

It's been interesting to see checks written to department stores that are no longer in business:  May Company, Circuit City, Mervyns, The Broadway, MonkeyWard, Robinson's.  I bought records at the Wherehouse and Sam Goody.  There were regular checks made out to Crown Books and Waldenbooks.  I wrote my sister a check for $50.00 for Christmas.  The memo line on that was, "Merry Christmas, Darling!"  I purchased hosiery at Park Lane Hosiery.

I just now found a check made out to King Neptunes, which is a little seafood and bar joint.  A real dive.  I remember that night.  I went there after work to meet my sister and some friends and my sister impressed the bar crowd by putting her leg behind her head while fitting her fist in her mouth.  Some old seadog sitting nearby drunkenly asked her if she was single after that display of talent.

After my cash ran out and I still wanted to continue the shenanigans, I jokingly asked the bartender if I could cash a check and darned if he didn't say "Yes."  

Something else that I remember about that night.  The TV in the bar was on and everyone went silent when President George H. Bush came on and announced that "The Liberation of Kuwait has begun" which became known as "Desert Storm."

There are mortgage payments for our first house and our former vacation home on the Colorado River.  I also found a 17 year old check for $405.00 we got back from the escrow company when we sold the vacation house and for some reason, we never cashed it.  And that was at a time when we really were hurting for money.  I showed it to TheManTheMyth and he was all, "What the hell?"  How did we miss THAT?"

I found the final payment made on the very first car (truck, actually) I ever bought.  It was a 1985 Nissan pickup and all I could afford at the time was what was known as the Stripper Edition.  It basically came with a seat and a steering wheel.  No radio, no A/C, no power steering, no passenger mirror, no back bumper.  And I loved that truck.  Every birthday and Christmas, my family would buy something for it.  My grandma bought the stereo cassette player, my dad bought the back bumper and for my birthday the first year we were together, TheManTheMyth had A/C installed.  Seriously, that was the best material gift I've ever received.

And because shit happens this way, about 3 months after I made that final payment and had the pink slip in hand, my beloved truck was destroyed in a fire.  And to clarify, it didn't catch on fire; it was IN a fire.

Which is story in itself that I'll have to save for another time.

Among other things found in that file box o' bank statements are TMTM's divorce papers from his first marriage (I married a used husband, ladies).  I'm hanging on to those to remind him that he married Up.

I also found a 1971 Eisenhower Uncirculated Silver Dollar, still in its Official packaging.  That sucker is solid silver.  No idea what its worth is, though.  

My poor little shredder is getting so much use that the motor keeps overheating and I have to shut it down for 15 minute increments.

Okay, back to shredding.  And reminiscing.