Friday, April 16, 2010

Everyone loves a Bride!

I found this in a pile of old family photos.  I'm not sure who the happy couple is, I think it's my Great Uncle Harry and Aunt Helene but I could be wrong.  The lady on the far right in the dark coat is my Great Grandmother Marie.  I never knew her.  She came over from Slovakia around the turn of the century although I can't find any records of her on the Ellis Island register which makes me wonder if she slipped in under the fence somehow.

Anyway, what cracks me up about this photo is the body language of the ladies in the front row.  Can they look any more pissed off?  What was going through their minds?

Lady in the white blouse and dark skirt who we'll call Phyllis: "Yeah, look at your new daughter-in-law, Marie.  That should have been ME but no, you said you wanted someone better for your son!  All those stories about me are LIES!"

Lady next to her in the white hat (Louise):  "Hello?  Stop being such a Space Invader, Phyllis!  God!  I wish she'd quit nudging me.  She's just pissed Mrs. Sedik saw through her tricks to try and get Harry to marry her.  If she nudges me one more time I'm going to elbow her!"

Martha (next to Louise):  "Love her dress!  I heard this wedding is costing her parents a fortune!  Harry scored big.  And if that Amazon behind me doesn't stop dripping her tears down my neck I'm going to clock her!"

Helen: (next to Martha):  "When does the reception start?  Where's the bar?  I need a drink."

G-Grandma Marie:  My boy, my handsome boy on this, his wedding day.  I'm so glad he didn't choose that tramp Phyllis.  I've heard stories about her.  How handsome is my boy?  I'm going to cry!"

Feel free to add your own captions.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Oh. Wait.

Ok, my last post was about my obsessive desire for the new iPad.  Well, yeah.  Since that post, I've not so much as reconsidered but I've decided to do a bit of a Wait and See.

I have concerns about Apple's choice of AT&T for their iPhone and now the iPad.  I hate AT&T.  I had them before and the coverage sucked big fat hairy donkey dicks and the customer service was on the same level.  I hated them so much that I happily paid the early termination fee, for 3 lines! just to have them out of my life so I could then move on to a wireless carrier that actually let me make and receive calls on my cellphone which is something AT&T charged me for but didn't fulfill their end of the bargain because I never had service even though people who had other wireless carriers had full service while I had the equivalent of an expensive toy cellphone because I never had coverage!

I do know of someone who ran out and bought the 64GB iPad and then returned it a few days later because they were so underwhelmed.  Which made me sigh heavily because I was SO on a high about the thought of the iPad.

I've also reconsidered the idea of getting an iPhone (see AT&T reference above) when my current cellphone contract is up in two months because IF, and that's a big IF, I do discover my money tree is in full bloom and IF I do decide to throw caution to the wind and get the iPad anyway, I won't need the iPhone after all.

Also too, I don't have the $$$ to spend on a gadget and unless I sell a kidney or a child, I probably won't have the $$$ anytime soon because I've got a kid who is heading to college in the fall and said college kind of wants their tuition money and they aren't accepting Good Looks as a form of payment which is probably smart of them because I'm not winning any beauty pageants these days because I've been spending more time sitting on my butt doing blog stuff than I have on beauty treatments (and it shows) and while Thing 1 is a fine looking young man, he's pretty scarred up from his many crashes while racing dirt bikes so his value as an Object of Beauty has been greatly diminished.

So now I have to find something else to covet and obsess over.  Dang.  I was all set with the iPad.  Sigh.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I MUST have it!

While I have quite a few items on my Wish List, there are very few things on my "Must Have" list. 

Not on either my Wish or Must Have list is the Holy Grail of Handbags, the Birkin.  
Now I love me a nice handbag just as much as the next person but I just don't "get" the appeal of the Birkin.  It's too much work to open and close it so many owners just keep it hanging open and that just looks all sloppy to me.  
 I hate it when I have to fight with my handbags.  I had a Coach bag that I finally had to banish because despite being a medium size bag, it became a Black Hole when it came to finding my keys or wallet and I'd practically have to dump everything out just to find what I needed.  I'll keep my nice Louis Vuitton Popincourt Haut, thankyouverymuch.  

Also on my Wish List is a Luxury Sedan.  I've been driving trucks and/or SUVs for decades and while I like my trucks, I'm now at the age where I want comfort and luxury.  I'm not talking a Rolls or Bentley but I wouldn't turn down a Cadillac CTS.  

One thing on my Must Have list is my very own Arcade Quality Skee Ball game.  With prize tickets.  I've wanted one of these ever since I can remember and just because I'm moving awfully close to the mid-century mark doesn't mean I've changed my mind about this.  Because I haven't and I won't.  Ever.

But right now, the number one thing on my Must Have list is something that I thought wasn't all that and a bag of chips and I kind of scoffed at it when it made its appearance.  But then something happened.  I'm still not sure what exactly happened but all I know is that I woke up the other morning and realized that I not only Want this object, I Must Have this object.  I've actually had dreams about this object.  I am obsessing over this object and I haven't even seen one live and in the flesh or held it in my hot little hands.  

What is this object of desire that I am obsessing over?  It's THIS:
Yep, the frikkin' iPad.

I want it so bad it's practically eating me up.  And I am NOT one of those people who must have the latest gadget, Apple or otherwise although I think Apple products are far, far superior to anything Microsoft has produced.  I don't own the iPhone because of the simple reason that I don't like AT&T although my contract with Verizon is up in 2 months and I AM considering going back to AT&T just because of the iPhone although if I acquire an iPad I won't NEED an iPhone and won't have to deal with AT&T again because I really don't want to have to deal with AT&T although I haven't had to deal with AT&T since 2004 when I willingly paid the early termination fee just to banish them from my life but maybe they've improved their coverage and customer service since then and have I mentioned that the AT&T thing is a possible deal breaker as far as me getting the iPhone?

Anyway, back to the iPad.  Have I mentioned that not only do I want it but I Must Have it?

It's taking every ounce of Willpower not to go running, ok driving, to the Apple Store and checking it out and playing with it.  On one hand, I'm afraid that if I do that, I will go crazy and plunk down my well-worn American Express and then suffer the consequences of the Wrath of TheManTheMyth when the bill arrives, especially since he keeps telling me to relinquish my card back into his safekeeping for just that reason alone although I've been able to put him off...for now.  Especially since we just bought a new laptop a couple of weeks ago when the other one crashed and burned because Windows computers are junk.  On the other hand, I'm almost afraid that after working myself up into a frenzy over the iPad, I will be disappointed and then have nothing to live for since all my hopes and dreams have been dashed.  Ok, maybe that's a bit exaggerated but it does suck when you finally get what you've been wanting only to find it wanting.  You know, that whole "be careful of what you ask for" thing.  Been there done that barely survived the fallout (don't ask).

Yeah, I need the iPad like a hole in head but dammit!  I MUST HAVE IT! 

So there.