I've been on pins and needles all week, waiting with breathless antici...PATION for either the mailman, the UPS guy or the FedEx guy to arrive on my doorstep.
Since I had no idea what carrier would be carrying my anxiously awaited package to me, any time I heard a Big Delivery Truck approaching, I'd go rushing to the door the way a 6 year old does when they hear the ice cream truck.
And then yesterday, I heard the sounds of a cardboard box being deposited on my front porch and then the sound of the mail slot, which really could use some WD-40 because it squeaks so badly but on the other hand, that squeak lets me know when I have mail the same way a "voop Voop VOOP!" sound effect told the Addams Family the mail was in. So maybe I won't use some WD-40.
ANYWAY.
My package was here! My package was here! I went tearing out the door and grabbed the box, screeching a "Thank you!" to the mailman and ran inside to open up the box.
I slit the tape, flung back the flaps, yanked out the inflated packing stuffing that looks like water wings and then I peered into the box.
And there they were. In all their glory.
I KNOW!!!! Couldn't you just DIE with envy?
But seriously, folks. When TheManTheMyth "surprised" me with that stupid Kirby vacuum that requires stupid vacuum bags and not just any vacuum bags but vacuum bags that will ONLY fit a Kirby which means I couldn't just make a quick trip to the 'Zhay because Kirby vacuum bags are "special" and must be purchased ONLY from "Authorized Kirby retailers" or some stupid thing and there were only 3 vacuum bags included with the purchase of the Stupid Kirby and once they're filled to the "full" line, which happens to be in the middle of the stupid bag so half the bag goes to waste, the stupid vacuum doesn't suck very good which means the stupid vacuum SUCKS in the bad sense of the word and can this sentence be any longer?
Of course we went through the original three bags pretty darn quick and found out that a pack of 3 bags of the stupid Special Kirby Vacuum Bags are over $40 and bend over and grab your ankles is what I'm saying.
So, about 2, 3 months ago, I ran out of bags and since the bag in the stupid Kirby was full, I couldn't use my vacuum and instead had to use the Dirt Devil, which works great on the carpet but just so-so on the hardwood floors and the attachment part of the DD isn't all that spectacular.
I didn't feel like driving the 20 miles to the nearest Authorized Kirby Retailer and spend $40 on THREE vacuum bags and quite frankly I didn't want to bother with the Official Kirby Website so instead, I went on Amazon. Because you can find pretty much anything on Amazon.
And for a total of $48.01 I got 18 vacuum bags. EIGHTEEN!!!!
I KNOW!!!
Don't be hating on me for my exciting, glamorous life.
When I get out of bed each morning, the first thing I do is make my bed.
Yes, I'm serious.
No, I'm not joking.
And I'm pretty sure my mom is clutching at her heart in stunned disbelief because I have never been known for my neat-and-tidy boudoir. Ask anyone. They'll tell you. When TheManTheMyth and I were selling our first house, I naively thought we'd be warned notified BEFORE any showings and I was a bit lax in the housekeeping department. So imagine what prospective buyers got to see when they came to look at our house while we were at work. Yet it still sold. And I have to tell you this story about it:
It was a Sunday morning, around 10:00am. We were lazing around in bathrobes, reading the paper when the front door opened. In walks 2 men, a woman and a small boy. It was a realtor showing the house. On a Sunday morning. With absolutely no prior warning. Hello. And of course the house was a bit of a mess. Shocking, I know.
So we scramble around, getting dressed and straightening up and while we did not leave, we tried to stay out of the way.
The people are looking around our messy house and after about 15, 20 minutes they leave. I'm sure they were just as embarrassed as we were. Or not.
As soon as they left our messy house on that Sunday morning, TheManTheMyth looks at me and says, "Great. We sure made a great impression." And I said to him, "They're the people who will buy our house." TMTM snorted and said, "Right." About two hours later, our realtor calls to tell us they had made an offer on the house.
SOLD!!
Okay, back to my bed.
I make my bed every morning. But lately, something strange has been happening. I'll go into my bedroom for something and my bed has become unmade.
But only on my side of the bed. The ManTheMyth's side is always untouched.
I'll remake it and go about my business. Later, I'll go back and once again, my side of the bed is unmade:
And then the other night, I got into bed and the bottom sheet, the fitted sheet was in shreds. It looked like someone had taken a knife and sliced a 12" slice and then ripped it back further.
And I'm all, "WHAT THE HELL?!?!?" Especially since it was a brand new sheet. And this was not the first time I've discovered my bottom sheet all shredded up.
And do you know it's almost impossible to find sheets sold separately these days? You used to be able to buy sheets separately but now they're sold in sets. Well, I have 50 gazillion flat sheets and pillowcases but only two fitted sheets, thanks to the sheet shredder.
Meet the Sheet Shredder:
Miss Gracie Lou likes to jump up on the bed, pull down my side of the covers and dig at the bottom sheet prior to snuggling down with her head on my pillow for a nice nap. I caught her red-handed.
My seester Bippy passed on a tip on where to find individual sheets. Target (dot) com. Yep, the 'Zhay seels individual sheets on their website. 100% cotton, too. Which is good because I do not allow man-made fibers on my bed. True, these aren't the highest quality sheets but as long as they're 100% cotton, I'm good.
So I ordered three California King fitted sheets and they should be here by the end of the week. And if I were smart, I'd make this a monthly order until I have enough fitted sheets to last me a long time.
Because I never know when the Sheet Shredder will strike again.
