Friday, August 14, 2009

Blocking and passing

Anybody who watches motorsports knows that the object of the race is to be the first one to cross the finish line. It's not uncommon for the lead guy to have someone much faster come up from behind and try to pass. Slower guy in front doesn't want to be passed so he will try and block the other guy. He'll do whatever he can to keep from being passed, even if this means swerving from side to side. This is a part of racing. I get that. But it shouldn't be a part of frigging WALKING!

I was taking my daily Walk For Fun and Health this morning at the El Dorado Nature Center. The trails are mostly rather narrow. So I'm walking along at a healthy brisk pace and come up on a slower walker. This guy wasn't walking, he was LUMBERING along. In the middle of the trail. I have to slow my pace because he was quite a large person and I couldn't pass without one of us being sent into the wall of bushes that are filled with many, many spiderwebs.

Every time he would lumber to the side, I'd attempt to make my move. But just as I would attempt to pass, he'd swerve back, blocking me and preventing me from passing. He knew I was there. I don't walk quietly and gracefully, or so I've been told. In fact, you could say that I pretty much stomp when I walk. I can't help it. My family tells me the house shakes when I walk. I try to walk quietly and gracefully, coming in on little cat feet but to no avail. So I'm stomping right on this guy's ass, jingling my keys, clearing my throat to let him know I need to pass and he Will. Not. Move. He'd swerve to the left and I'd dart to the right, only to have him swerve back and cut me off. WTF? I don't care if he was listening to Slipknot at full blast on an iPod or if he was completely deaf, he knew I was there, he could feel my breath on his neck, fercryinoutloud, and he Would Not Let Me Pass.

Just as I was ready to bark, "Move it, Buster!" we came to a wider area and I was able to pass him on the inside and continue on my way. I glanced back just in time to see some new walkers get trapped right behind him. Yep, he caused a bottleneck. And didn't seem to care. I just don't get it. It's not like he's going to lose points or that podium finish if he lets the faster walkers pass.

I'm pretty sure he's that guy in the Prius I always seem to get trapped behind. The guy who drives just enough under the speed limit, in the fast lane, to keep you from changing lanes and going around him because the flow of traffic in the next lane is such that you can't get over and he's getting some perverse thrill out of all the cars bottlenecking behind him.


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

124 Million

$124,000,000.00. That's the jackpot for tonight's multi-state Mega-Million lottery. That's a whole lot of money. Lots of zeros in that number.

When I'm out doing my daily walk, I don't listen to my iPod for 2 reasons: first, I want to hear the sounds of nature, such as water rushing in the stream, squirrels chattering, the honking of the Canada geese who chose not to go back to The Great White North and the sounds of hawks screaming over my head as they swoop down on some poor unsuspecting critter. Second, I do my best thinking when I'm walking (and when I'm in the shower but that's not a good visual these days) and listening to music will only distract me plus I may end up singing out loud and disturbing the lovely sounds of nature.

So. As I'm walking and thinking today, I thought about that 124 million and what I would/could do with that kind of money. Oh, there's the mandatory expenditures: college and/or bail money for the offspring, a fleet of KTM dirt bikes for TheManTheMyth and an entry to the world famous Enduro at Erzberg for Thing 1. Of course I would get a new car since I'm so over my 1 year old leased Saturn that gets the crappy mileage. I would definitely get a Luxury Sedan but which Luxury Sedan? BMW? Mercedes? Cadillac? Jaguar? Maserati? Eh, with 124 million dollars, I could buy one of each. But no sports cars or "exotics." They don't interest me, never have. Oh! But TheManTheMyth would get his dream car, a 1967 Shelby GT500.

And yes, I would be able to get the material luxuries, such as Chanel handbags, shoes and a classic Chanel suit that I would probably wear once a year (if that) but it would NEVER go out of style so as long as I didn't gain or lose a significant amount of weight, I could wear it forever. Oh, and I would definitely get "freshened up" with the latest in cosmetic rejuventation. Nothing major; some Botox or perhaps a brow lift and a breast lift to get things back to where they belong.

But there's one thing I have always promised myself that if I were to ever win the lottery, it would be the very first thing I buy. Something I have always, always wanted for my very own:

Yep. My very own Skee-Ball game. With the prize tickets spitting out even if I don't redeem the prize tickets but it has to have the prize tickets. It's not the same without the prize tickets. I have wanted my own Skee-ball game ever since I can remember. I love Skee-ball. It's totally addicting. If I'm someplace that has a Skee-ball game, I will body check any preschooler who tries to get between me and the game. Don't even think about it, you little booger-eater; I will slam you to the ground if you even try.

When I'm in any hotel with a casino and arcade, I will bypass the casino for the arcade and happily spend $100 for tokens and then stand bent over for hours, flinging wooden ball after wooden ball at the holes. Of course I'm unable to walk upright after a marathon session but that's what a hot shower and a massage are for. The only problem with spending hours in the arcade instead of the casino is that the arcade does not have cocktail waitresses bringing complimentary martinis but when I get MY Skee-ball game, that won't be a problem now, will it?

Skee-ball. Yeah, I dream BIG!