Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Sometimes, Mother DOES know best

Ok, so today was the day Thing 2 registered for her sophomore year at Drug Central High School.  No, that's not the real name of her school but it's a school with an upper middle class demographic so there's not a gang problem or a teen pregnancy problem but there is a serious drug problem.  Seriously.  In fact, when Thing 1 got busted for making fake parking passes (I was so proud...NOT), the Principal (It's always lovely when you get a call from the principal saying, "Mrs. D?  We have your son here) told me that it was so far down on the list of Things They Have to Deal With that the only punishment was the loss of his legitimate parking pass for the remainder of the school year.

Anyway, registration was set up in a way that if your last name started with Da through Fy, your registration time was from 12:45pm to 1:30pm (it's done NOT in alphabetical order).  So what time does Thing 2 get in the shower?  11:45am.  And what time did she emerge from the bathroom?  12:30pm.  And this is a teenager who does not "do" her hair or wear makeup.  So I'm nagging her to dry her hair so that she wouldn't look like she had lank, greasy hair in her school picture, which is taken during the registration process, and she's all "I don't like to use a hair dyer because I don't want to have Big Hair like yours" and on one hand I wanted to kiss her for that compliment because in my opinion, the Bigger the Hair, the Closer to God and God do I miss my 80's Big Hair and on the other hand I wanted to smack her because she did not mean it as a compliment.  

So every 10 minutes I'm all, "Let's GO!" and she's all "My hair's not dry yet" and I keep nagging telling her that she was assigned a specific time for registration and that it's not "whenever" and she keeps telling me I don't know what I'm talking about.  Finally, at 2:00pm, she's all, "Ok, I'm ready" and we get to school and she's all, "See?  There's nobody here.  We won't have to wait in line now.  I TOLD you there wasn't any reason to get here on time, Mother (which was said in a patronizing, 'you don't know these things, Mom' manner)."  

Well, the reason there wasn't any lines was because Registration was Done and Over With.  It ended at 1:45pm and we got there at 2:15pm.  Because SOMEBODY assumed she had all freakin' day and that the school would be more than happy to sit around and wait for Her Highness to grant them the Honour of Her Presence when her hair had finally air-dried.

It was a very tense drive back home, let me tell you.  And when we got back home, the phone rang and it was the school wanting to know why Thing 2 missed Registration and I got to tell them why.  

So we get to go back on Monday to do this all over again and this time, we only have a 30 minute window and NOT the entire day.  And if you're wondering why I have to be there, it's because money is involved (cash or check only) and there's always unexpected costs and I'm not fond of giving Thing 2 $200.00 and hoping she'll bring back the change.  Because she won't.  Because she'll remind me that back in 1999 I borrowed $ from her and what with interest and all, whatever change was left from registration should just about cover what I owe.  THAT'S why I don't send her off with cash money.  I wish I was kidding about this.

I know it's hard for teenagers to believe but sometimes, Mom DOES know what the heck she's talking about and they'd do well to listen to good ol' Mom.

And, if my mom is reading this, she is probably laughing her butt off and saying, "Karma's a bitch." 

Monday, August 23, 2010

Dream a little dream

I don't know what it is but for the last week or so I have been having some really interesting dreams.  Some good, some bad, some that made me ask "What. The. Hell" when I woke up.

Not last night but the night before (when 24 robbers came knocking at my door), I was having a really lovely dream about a certain NHL player, I think I've mentioned my predilection for hockey players, and oh, it was a lovely dream and Hockey Player and I were having such fun when all of a sudden I am jolted out of my wonderful dream because someone decided to call my house at the unGodly hour of 6:30 IN THE MORNING.  A Sunday morning.  When it should be illegal to call anyone before 9:00am.  And the thoughtless, insensitive person had the nerve to hang up before I could answer the phone. Bastard.

So I was able to fall back asleep and tried to get back to my lovely dream and just as it's starting to happen, TheManTheMyth's cellphone starts ringing and I'm all "What the hell, people!"  And that was the end of fun and games with a hot hockey player.  Even if it was only in my dreams.  I'm still pissed at whoever called and interrupted such a fine dream.

Dreams are weird things.  Years ago, when I was in my early 20's and was recovering from an emotionally devastating event, I started having nightmares and would wake up in a cold sweat at the same time every single night.  I just chalked it up to the emotional upheavals in my life.  Eventually, the nightmares and middle of the night wake ups stopped.

Several years later, I was visiting my mom up in Washington and one of her friends came by and somehow we got on the subject of dreams and nightmares and I mentioned my period of nightmares and middle of the night wake ups and she said, "You know what caused that, don't you?" and I'm all, "yeah, my fiance died" and she tells me that it was something else entirely.  She tells me that the reason I was waking from nightmares at the same time every night was because, you better sit down for this one, I had been abducted by aliens at that particular time of night.  Hand to God, that's what she said.

Yep, abduction by aliens was the cause of my nightmares, according to Crazy Frannie.  And all this time I thought it was because a) my fiance had died and 2) I had read "Pet Sematary" and dreamed that G was coming back from the dead all changed just like the dead people buried in the Pet Sematary.  Seriously, that was one of the scariest books I had ever read, mostly because of when I read it, right after G died, which probably wasn't the smartest move.

Last night I had a nightmare that I can't quite recall but I'm pretty sure that the cause of it was not because I was abducted yet again by aliens but because I had 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches along with a pretty strong vodka and Fresca nightcap about an hour before I went to bed.

That combo would give anyone nightmares.  Even aliens.