Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Aretha and Mac, or, "As the Printer Turns"

Here's another blog post to let you know that I'm busy being busy, people!  Oh, yesterday was such a busy day, working on these nightmare race results and trying to squeeze in some housework (she said with a straight face), attend to some paperwork, answer the many, many phone calls, all relating to the race that I'm trying to compile the results for and answering over 50 e-mails, mostly relating to said race although several were for construction bidness.

While attending to construction bidness stuff, I was chagrined to discover that my printer, which has always been a bit of a diva and will henceforth be known as "Aretha", has decided it is no longer speaking to my computer, "Mac," that the two of them are in a Fight. This has been building up since Mac came to live with us last month.  In a fit of jealousy, Aretha announced she would not allow Mac to fax documents, that she would only allow us to fax hard copies directly from her.  Fine, you temperamental bitch, I said.  As long as you do your job, I'll overlook the inconvenience of having to print up the document first.  Mac gave her a dirty look but she chose to ignore it.  And she continued to allow Mac to print documents from her.  Until yesterday.  Yesterday, everything changed between them. Possibly forever.

And now they are no longer speaking to each other At All.  When Mac tries to print something, Aretha does the whole, "I can't hear you, I can't hear you" while covering her ears and Mac tries again and Aretha is all, "Are you stoned or just stupid?  You can hit that 'print' button all you want but I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!"

Oh, she'll make copies just fine and she'll allow that lowlife Windows 7 laptop to print but anytime Mac tries to send something for her to print, she totally ignores him.

I don't know, maybe if Mac gave her a Snickers bar or something, she'll stop acting like such a diva and allow Mac and I to do our jobs because I don't have time for this type of behavior.   Otherwise, she'll have to be retired and sent to the Old Printers Home, aka, "The E-Waste Bin" at the Goodwill.

And Mac will get a new partner, a YOUNGER partner.  A trophy printer/copier/scanner/fax wife.

Think about it, Aretha.  Think about it.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

No post today, I'm too busy

This is just a post to let you know that I'm too busy to post something today so if you come here looking for my latest entry, it's not here because I don't have time to entertain you and keep you enthralled with my usual sidesplitting outlook on life.

I spent the weekend out in the desert, with a horse that shall remain nameless (get it??) at our annual offroad motorcycle race and now that I'm home, I'm on a deadline to get our race results done and yes, people waited all of an hour to ask when results will be done (those people have been added to the Dead to Kelly list) and I'm about to pull my hair out and if you've seen my hair, you'd know that I can't afford to lose anymore hair but they make natural looking wigs these days so in the event I snatch myself bald, I'll just shell out a few bucks for a Raquel Welch wig and look fabulous.  Girlfriend may be (allegedly) a nightmare to work with but she still looks like a million bucks and if I wear her wigs, I too will become a knockout and where was I going with this?  Oh, yes.  Why I'm too busy to post and how it's making me suffer from an intentional form of alopecia but instead of my hair falling out on its own, I'm on the verge of yanking it out.  I won't, though, because that will hurt and I'm a wuss when it comes to pain and also too I'm not into inflicting pain upon my person intentionally.  Have you seen my arms?  Nary a cut mark on them.

Okay, back to the topic at hand which is why I'm too busy to post today.  For years I was in charge of all the administrative stuff on our race day and it was my responsibility to make sure everyone knew what they were doing but I retired from that and OF COURSE without my hands-on supervision and guidance, everything went to hell in a handbasket.  Sigh.  It's so hard to find good unpaid help these days, lemme tell you.

So I must dash and get back to work on these ding dang race results with the incorrectly filled out paperwork and when I get a minute or two, I will be back to my )ir)regularly scheduled program of witty bon mots.

So remember, there isn't a new post today because I'm just too busy!