Saturday, October 9, 2010

I Don't Get It Round 2

More things I Don't Get:

1.    People who replace the letter "s" with a "z." 

2.    The obsession with Marilyn Monroe.
3.    The trend for super elaborate and ridiculously expensive cakes. 

Friday, October 8, 2010

We're In a Fight

So, for the past week or so, Blogger has decided to totally fuck with me and is being a total butthead.  I am unable to post any photos, which kind of makes it hard to tell a story if pictures can't be included.  It just kind of loses something when there's no visuals.  And then today, my Dashboard is all kinds of messed up and is making it difficult to read the blogs I follow.  Why you gotta be hatin' on me, Blogger?

So Blogger, I'm letting you know that you and me are in a Fight. But get in line behind my Droid phone because my Droid and I are also in a Fight.

So Droid, you were supposed to be Verizon's answer to the iPhone, which is why I traded in my BlackBerry when it was time to upgrade.  But you've let me down, Droid.  In a BIG way.

You don't allow me to answer incoming calls because of that stupid "Slide to Unlock/Answer" feature WILL NOT slide to unlock and answer so I keep missing calls.  Well, I'm not actually missing them, I see the call as I'm staring at my screen while frantically trying and failing to answer and feeling utterly helpless as the call goes to voicemail.  Only then am I able to "slide to unlock" when it's day late, dollar short there Droid.

And let's talk about the e-mail function, shall we?  My old BlackBerry totally kicks ass in the e-mail category while you, you're a miserable failure at that.  In fact, you downright suck.  I'd really like to know why you refuse to deliver my e-mails for as long as 24 hours.  Oh, and then to make matters worse, you deliver the same e-mail over and over and over and over despite me deleting said e-mail over and over and over and over.  What's up with THAT?  And, it's always a SPAM e-mail that won't go away.  What, are you getting a kickback for every SPAM e-mail that shows up in my Inbox?

I think you do this stuff on purpose, Droid.  I think you and Blogger are in cahoots to annoy the crap out of me.  I'm kind of stuck with you, Droid, because I just got you a couple of months ago but Blogger?  If you don't get your shit together, I just might blow this popsicle stand of a blogging site and take my wit and wisdom and 3 followers over to WordPress or TypePad and then won't YOU be sorry you were mean to me.

Uh huh,who's running scared now?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Image problems

I had a really hilarious blog post all ready today because over at June's place, it's Pieces of Humiliation Wednesday and her faithful readers/devotee/worshippers sent in embarrassing photos for everyone to snicker at.  And of course I included one of my own from when I had "Glamour Shot" photos back in the early 90's when they were all the rage, along with "Boudoir" photos.  Remember those?

Anyhoo, I was all set to post a more detailed example of my lovely Glamour Shot photo session, where all my pictures not only made me look 25 years older than I was but also made me look like I was a lounge singer in a third-rate hotel in Reno, performing Carpenters and Vicki Carr songs to tired, drunk and broke losers.  Which was not the look I was going for.

Unfortunately, Blogger has decided to Not Cooperate and is refusing to allow me to upload any photos to my blog.  Bastards.  And we all know a blog is just not the same without photos to accompany the witty written word.

How else will people have the opportunity to laugh themselves silly at my expense if they don't have a visual of my embarrassing photos?

I have no idea why Blogger is being such a Butthead but they better get their act together or I'm taking my Blog and hitting the road in search of a better host.  One that doesn't have image problems and allows me to express myself with pictures accompanying my brilliant prose.  Not that anyone reads it but if they did, they'd want the pictures.

So, please, bear with me all of you 3 readers.  Hopefully this issue will be resolved and I can continue to astound you with my hilarious views of life.  With pictures.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Some lube would have been nice

Or, Good Times at the California Department of Motor Vehicles.

And no, I'm not talking about Florida and James and JJ saying, "DY-NO-MITE!!" Good Times, I'm talking about what should have been the simple act of transferring title.

At the end of 2009, like, December 30th, we purchased a previously owned KTM 250 for Thing 1 to ride in the Kenda National Hare & Hound Series.  2 days after getting the bike, Thing 1 had his little tip over and ended up with the broken knee cap.

So, we were kind of slow in getting the title transfer taken care of.  Flash forward most of the year and Thing 1 tells me he needs this done before October 10.  Which is in 6 days.  According to Thing 2, I "don't do ANYTHING" during the day so naturally, it fell on me to take care of this issue.  Even though it's not MY dirt bike.  Although it is now as it's MY name on the new title since I was the one who had to endure the DMV.

Anyway, our local Auto Club does not handle off-road vehicle registration/title stuff so I had to make an appointment with the DMV.  I made this appointment about 2 months ago and today was the first available appointment.  Why wait to the last minute, right?

And this is when the fun starts.  For starters, we are having a rare day of not-quite-rain but a really, really heavy drizzle.  Which is kind of bizarre considering exactly one week ago we had record breaking temperatures.  So I'm driving to the DMV, which is located a couple of towns away and since people in So Cal do not know how to drive in the rain, it's ugly out there.  Couple of cars spinning out and one off into the iceplant and oh, it's just lovely.  I had a vague recollection of where the DMV office was so I asked TheManTheMyth and he told me it was right off Bellflower and Woodruff.

I don't know what crack he was smoking but the DMV is nowhere near Woodruff.  Why he didn't just tell me it was a little ways past the now-closed, infamous "Fritz's, That's It!" titty bar, I don't know because EVERYONE knows where Fritz's' is/was and I would have been fine.  But he didn't tell me that so I ended up going in the wrong direction and by the time I figured it out, I was a few miles from my destination and the clock was ticking down for my 10:40am appointment time.

I pull into the parking lot and spent the next 10 minutes circling and circling and circling to no avail.  There wasn't a single available parking spot.  And the streets where the DMV is located is permit-only parking and the little Ticket Truck was having a field day writing up tickets left and right for all the non-permitted cars belonging to people who had business at the DMV.  The City of Bellflower made quite a nice chunk of change this morning, just in parking tickets.  I think the DMV is in cahoots with the City of Bellflower by not providing ample parking thus causing people to park illegally.  Bastards.

I finally park in the parking lot of a church a couple of blocks away, but not before checking very carefully for any "No Parking" signs.  Ok, I'm safe.  So I hoof it to the DMV, through the heavy, heavy drizzle and I'm getting all wet and cranky and I get to the DMV and there's a line stretching the entire length of the building.

Well, I have an appointment, I don't need to stand in no stinking line and I walk up to the door and the doorman slash security guard tells me I have to go back and stand in line.  "But I have an appointment," I say and he says, "That's nice now go back and stand in line."  Bastard.

So I'm standing in the heavy, heavy drizzle, getting wetter and crankier and seeing my appointment time come AND go and I finally get to the door and the doorman slash security guard asks me my business and I say, "I have an appointment for a vehicle registration" and he says, "You didn't need to stand in line if you have an appointment" and I'm all, "But...but...but" and I go up to the Window and they ask when my appointment is and I say, "10 minutes ago" and they tell me I'm late (Duh!) and I'm all "Dude at the door wouldn't let me in" and they give me a number and tell me to wait.

FINALLY, my number is called and I present my pink slip and sign here, here and here.  Oh, and don't forget to sign here.  And then, Mr. DMV Registration Guy says, "That'll be $269.00" and I'm all, "Exsqueeze me?" and he repeats, "269.00" and I'm all, "American Dollars?" and he does not "get" my humor and repeats, "$269.00."  And before I know it, I am bent over and grabbing my ankles as I get royally screwed by the DMV.  Without lube.  Or a drink first to loosen me up.

TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY NINE DOLLARS in American Money just to change the name on the title on a friggin' used dirt bike.  I was expecting a fee of, oh I don't know, $50.00.  Not TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY NINE.  And no, there weren't any late fees.  But wait, it gets better.

The guy we bought the bike from gave us the pink slip but he didn't sign it to release the title.  And he wouldn't give us the red sticker that is required by law until we changed the title.  Because of this, the DMV would not give me an operating permit OR new red sticker because the paperwork is incomplete.  And of course, this was relayed to me only AFTER I paid.

So now, I'm out $269.00 and I still don't have a valid title or operating permit.  And without the operating permit, this bike can't be raced this Sunday.  Lovely.

Anyone know how long it will be before I can walk normal again?