Saturday, August 13, 2011


You know how in Scooby Doo, the original Scooby Doo Mysteries which was the best of all the Scooby Doo cartoons before they went all "Hollywood" with D-List celebrities making guest appearances (Sandy Duncan?) in cartoon form and where was I going with this, you're asking yourselves.

Velma Eugenie Dinkley is where I'm going with this.
Velma, the Smart One.

Who was also completely blind without her glasses.

So why am I talking about Velma, you ask?

I'll tell you.

I have become Velma.

No, I haven't started wearing orange turtleneck sweaters with matching knee socks and a red skirt and shoes.

When I say I have become Velma, I mean I've started groping around for my glasses on a regular basis while saying, "Where's my glasses?  I can't see a thing without my glasses!"

11 years ago I had Lasik surgery, which was the best thing I've EVER done and it was like a whole new world opened up for me because I was beyond near-sighted with a raging case of astigmatism thrown in for shits and giggles.  

For 11 years I've was one of Those Who No Longer Need Glasses.  

That changed this year.

So I got an eye exam for the first time in 11 years and discovered that yeah, I do need some reading glasses because growing old is a bitch on the old peepers.

At first, I would wear my glasses only when I was reading but now, now I'm Velma Dinkley constantly reaching and groping around for my glasses.  Which I can never find because I carry them all over the house with me, putting them on to look at something and then taking them off and putting them down.

Every time TheManTheMyth asks me to take a look at something, he gets to hear me say, "Hang on, I need my glasses.  I can't see a thing without my glasses."

And then I go on a search for my glasses.

I could always stick an old-lady chain on my glasses and have them hanging on my chest all day but I'm not quite ready for that.


Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find my glasses.

I can't see a thing without my glasses.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I lead the most exciting of lives

Oh my God!  Oh my God!  You guys, I am so excited I could just plotz!

Guess what I got yesterday?  Go on, guess!

I got my new washer and dryer!!!


Oh, I'm sure you're thinking, "she's all excited about something that involves doing laundry? Doing CHORES???  Someone needs to get a life." and you'd be right.

However, when you get to be a certain age, certain things bring joy to your life and sometimes, that certain thing is called "New Appliances."  Sue me.

Oh, I never thought I'd be so excited for appliances, although I did get pretty darn giddy over a vacuum that actually worked on the single rug in the house.

So, TheManTheMyth went and picked up the new washer and dryer and after we rassled the massive boxes into the house, I looked at the size of the boxes and then the size of the opening where they would be going and thought to myself, "This is so not going to work."

And since we would be stacking them instead of placing them side by side and we could barely move the box o' washer and dryer, that was another headscratcher as to HOW we were going to hoist the dryer on top of the washer and scoot them into their new location.  Because these things don't "scoot."

So I was sent on a mission to purchase something called "appliance rollers."
so that we could roll our appliances into place.  And I couldn't find any.  3 hardware stores AND a store that specializes in appliances and nobody carried them.

I return from my mission defeated and empty handed.  TheManTheMyth looks at the washer and dryer and I could see the wheels in his brain start turning.  He leaves without a word and comes back 15 minutes later with some parts and he makes his own appliance rollers, which took him maybe 5 minutes.  Because he's clever like that.  Like when he made The Walker.

When Thing 1 was a couple of months old, we went up to Washington for my sister's wedding.  Kevin had been getting around in a walker and it was his favorite thing and obviously, we couldn't bring it with us on the plane to Washington but we were only going to be up there for a couple of days so we should be okay, right?


Kevin was frustrated at not being able to be mobile and a Frustrated Kevin is a cranky Kevin which means EVERYONE is suffers so we needed to get that baby in a Walker stat!  The only problem was there wasn't a single Walker to be found in the small town where my mom lived.

So TheManTheMyth made one.
It was a beautiful thing.  19 years later, we still talk about The Walker.  It's taken on Legendary Status.


TheManTheMyth made his own appliance roller and then after we (TMTM, Thing 1 and I) hoisted the dryer on top of the washer, the unit was rolled into its new home:
I'm MAD about that color!  We could have got it in white but I just love that Wild Cherry.  If I was going with a vintage look for my new kitchen, I would gladly pay the $$$ to have this stove:
Because that is my dream stove.  You can keep your Vikings and Wolf commercial ranges.  I want a vintage O'Keefe and Merritt range just like my Grandma had, although hers was white, until she "updated" her kitchen in the 1970's, complete with all Harvest Gold appliances.  I wanted to weep.

Okay, back to my new washer and dryer.

TheManTheMyth gets everything all hooked up and we stand back and admire our new appliances and he tells me, "Start washing!"

And that's when I remember that it takes special laundry soap and that my regular ol' Tide ain't gonna work.  A nearly FULL box of regular ol' Tide.

Off I go to the 'Zhay and buy the special laundry soap.  AND the nice people at LG had included a $3 coupon for Tide HE in with the owners manual!  


So I throw my very first load (towels) into the wash, start it up and yes, I pulled up a chair and sat there watching the wash like it was teevee or something.

Oh, the exciting life I lead.

P.S.  Oh!  I forgot to add that when the load is done, my washer and dryer both play a little tune!  How cool is THAT!!

Happy sigh.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Size matters.

I had intended to enthrall you all with a post about what a pain in the kerswatchy it is to do laundry during this remodel because in order to do laundry, we have to hook up the washer, do a load, unhook the washer, hook up the dryer and then dry that load which means I can't have the washer going at the same time as the dryer and it's an all day effort to do more than one load of laundry and I can NOT wait until the new washer and dryer arrive and are installed and I can do as much laundry as my little heart desires.  And who would have thought I'd be saying that?

HOWEVER, something else came along that got my panties in a twist and I must rant about it.  Or kvetch, if you will.

I was reading the latest issue of "O" magazine ("The MAKEOVER ISSUE!") and one of the features had me asking, "Who are you trying to kid?"

It was about 5 women who had each lost over 100lbs and while I say "Bravo!" to them losing the weight, I also have to say "You're out of your fucking mind!" to their so-called new clothing sizes.

Clothing sizes today have become so ridiculous that it's not even funny.  Back when I was in high school, I weighed 120lbs and was considered "skinny."  And I wore a size 7.  There was none of this Size 0 and Size 00 bullshit.

But according to "O", we're supposed to believe that someone who weighs almost 180lbs is a size 8 and someone who weighs 139lbs is also a size 8.  And the woman who weighs 155lbs is a size 4.  

Please.  I weigh about the same as one of the women (and no, I'm not saying which one so don't ask) and there is no fucking way I can fit into a size 8.  Or 10.  Or 12.  Even if I wore Spanx.

And yes, I know that people are built differently which is why, allegedly, someone who is 180lbs can "fit" into a size 8 and yes, I know muscle weighs more than fat but at least one of the "I'm a Size 8!" women still looks pretty "Plus Sized" to me. 

I hate shopping for clothes these days because of the sizing issue.  A size X at one store is a size Z at another.

I know these sizes are meant to appeal to our vanity so that someone who is 5'4 and weighs 180lbs can claim she wears a Size 8.

The blurb on the cover of "O" states, "How 5 Women Lost 676 lbs and what you can gain from their stories."

What I gained is disbelief in clothing sizes for women today.

EDIT:  Several years ago I did Weight Watchers, which focused on, well, WEIGHT loss (hence the name) and I was exercising regularly, I wasn't losing weight and, in fact, GAINED weight but I WAS losing inches and therefore, my clothing size went down and I developed a penchant for using lots of commas in a single sentence.

However, I'm still not buying the sizes that many people are claiming they wear.  And I wish that magazines would stop emphasizing size in their articles because I'm just not buying some of the size claims.

And that's my story and I'm sticking to it.