Friday, December 18, 2009

Friday Fragments

It's Friday Fragments and I'm still learning all this blog stuff such as how to include banners and stuff on my blog. So if I did this incorrectly, cut me some slack, Jack.

Christmas is in exactly ONE WEEK from today and guess who hasn't done any Christmas shopping and who has yet to get a tree? No, no, guess! Ok, it's me. It's kind of hard to get a tree when there's nothing to put under it. Maybe I'll wrap up some empty boxes or something just so we don't look too pathetic.

Christmas is in exactly ONE WEEK from today and our temps today are supposed to hit 80. Nothing says Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and HO HO HO like a heat wave.

Back at Thanksgiving I blogged about Willard and his family taking up residence in our walls. Read about it here! Well, it seems there's been a death in the family and I know this because I can smell it. Why the heck can't the little (little, my ass!) varmints crawl off into the wild to die instead of crawling inside my walls? There is no way I can remove the deceased without knocking some holes in my walls so we just have to wait it out. Gee, and I wonder why we don't get many visitors to our house. Huh.

I just bought Dominick Dunne's final book and on one hand I can't wait to read it but on the other hand, I don't want to because I know that there won't be any more Dominick Dunne books about the shenanigans of the World of the Rich. I love his work and I was SO sad when he passed away a couple of months ago. He was at the very top of my list of people I would like to have been seated next to at a dinner party. Put Kathy Griffin on the other side of me and I would have been in gossip heaven. Because I've got the depth of a spoon and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Let's see, what would I rather do, read about the war in Afghanistan or hear the latest about Tiger Woods and his skanks? Hello? Skanks trump war every time!

I'm drawing an absolute blank on what else to blog about here, fragmented or otherwise. I've got a ton of paperwork sitting on my desk that I need to attend to and well, I keep putting it off because I'm really, really great at that. I saw a t-shirt once that said, "I'd like to procrastinate but I keep putting it off." I should have bought one because that is so me!

Ok, I'd better go and do something productive. Like read the latest from textsfromlastnight or have my retinas seared from looking at the People of Walmart.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

My man, George!

Several days ago, I received an e-mail from the hockey rink where Kaylyn plays on Tuesday evenings. Anaheim Ducks star Enforcer (read: Fighter) George Parros,

who I love and adore because he is HOT, would be doing his annual Cut for Kids where he cuts his long, luxurious locks which will then be made into wigs for kids who are fighting cancer. And he would be doing it at our hockey rink! How excited was I? I styled my hair including covering up the gray of which there is WAY too much, put on some makeup, grabbed my camera that takes incredible photos and headed off to have a Meet & Greet with George who I love and adore (because he's HOT).

There were about 50 people who had volunteered to cut and donate their hair along with George and about 350 people who, like me, just wanted to meet George.

So, George greets the crowd and takes his seat in the haircut chair. And I start snapping pictures. And discover that my camera is NOT taking incredible photos the way it usually does.
I got a kick out of the kids wearing their Official George Parros mustaches. But I had to hit the "retouch" button on iPhoto a jillion times just to get this picture legible. And this one too:
It's like I was taking pictures with a 1970's era Instamatic instead of my 10.1 megapixel digital camera. My flash would flash but I couldn't figure out why the pictures were coming out so dark unless it's my density to NOT be able to take photos of Hot Hockey Players. I had the same when I took Kaylyn to meet Teemu Selanne and could not get a decent picture because of camera failure.

So George donates his gorgeous hair and takes his seat at the table so that he can sign autographs and pose for photos in exchange for a small donation to the Childhood Leukemia Foundation. And I'm all excited to FINALLY be able to meet George Parros, who I love and adore (because he's HOT) and I realize I have nothing for him to autograph and since Kaylyn refused to accompany me, I had nobody to take a photo of Us with my camera that has decided to take crappy pictures.

I finally figure out what was wrong with my camera: the flash was set to "natural light" or something, probably because the kids like to monkey around with the buttons and settings and I'm still learning how this camera works and I was too excited at the thought of George to check my setting ahead of time which is why the photos came out so crappy. I changed the setting to take good pictures and move closer and closer to Him.

There were three teenage girls in line behind me talking about what they wanted autographed and I mentioned that I didn't have anything for George (who I love and adore because he's HOT) to sign and they suggested having him sign the back of my BlackBerry and I ask if one of them would be willing to take a picture of George and me and they said "Sure, creepy old cougar lady." Ok, they didn't say that out loud but I know that's what they were thinking. As I get closer to George, I start thinking of some witty repartee that I'm positive would have him begging me to run off with him because I'm such a hoot.

So then it's My turn to meet George and any coherent thoughts I may have had immediately left my brain. I stand there in front of him, gawking and he says "How ya doing?" and I just stand there with a stupid grin on my face and then remember to hand him my BlackBerry, which just happened to have his picture as the screen saver. He looks at it and his picture and says, "Hey, I know that guy!" and I stand there staring and grinning like an imbecile, unable to speak and Scott Niedermayer, Captain of the Anaheim Ducks who was also present, is looking at me in alarm and wondering if he needs to get security. So George autographs the back of my BlackBerry
and while he's signing it I'm kind of leaning forward with my hands on the table just staring into his eyes like I'm trying to mesmerize him (trying and failing!) and he just stares right back at me and then says, "you've got some blue eyes!", which I do as seen here with my Official George Parros mustache:

at which I respond with a witty "uh huh" while I continue to stand there like a big stupid dork and then the teenage girl who has my camera reminds me that it was picture time and I remember the 200 people behind me who were getting irritated at the stupid redhead who was just standing there and holding up the line so I turn toward the camera and she takes the picture and I remember my manners and say thank you and I turn to Scott Niedermayer and hold up my BlackBerry and announce to him "I got an autograph!" despite the fact that he was sitting right next to George at the same table and witnessed the entire encounter and probably was thinking to himself, "thank god she's not one of MY fans!"

So I skip back to my car and drive home all twitterpated at having met George who I love and adore (because he's HOT) and when I get home, I look at the picture the teenage girl took of me and George
and while George looks HOT, I not only look completely deranged but would you look at my chin? When the hell did my chin become a butt? George hadn't been staring into my eyes as I thought; he was staring in horror at the butt on my chin! Why didn't anyone tell me I had a butt for a chin? Gah!

Anyway, despite me turning into a total 'tard with a butt chin, I was happy I got to spend some Quality Time with George and I also made a very nice donation to the Leukemia Foundation so that was good.

And guess what I have as my background for my BlackBerry:

George, me and my butt chin. The 3 of us.