If there is a sport that I love more than any other, it's hockey.
I love me some hockey.
I also love me some hockey players. Although they prefer that I love them from a distance of at least 150 feet.
Party poopers.
Anyway.
My daughter, Thing 2, shares my love of hockey. TheManTheMyth and Thing 1 do Not.
Philistines.
Anyway.
What with the love that Thing 2 and I share for hockey, you'd think that we'd be season ticket holders for Our Team, the Anaheim Ducks or at least attend as many games as possible.
You'd be wrong.
I have gone entire SEASONS without attending a single game. Which kills me but shit happens.
This year, I vowed that I would go to at least ONE game and as the clock ticked on the regular season and it became apparent that my team would not make the playoffs, I threw caution to the wind and bought tickets to last night's final home game.
Which means we'll be eating cereal and soup all week but dammit, I NEEDED my hockey.
Here is a view from our seats, which came with oxygen masks because we were WAAAAAY up there in the nosebleed section:
And those weren't the cheapest seats, either.
It was Fan Appreciation Night and there were thousands of prizes and goodies being given out as well as actual game jerseys given to a handful of lucky fans after the game.
Guess who didn't win a single thing? Not even a coupon for a haircut, let alone Jonas Hiller's game jersey. I would have traded Thing 1 for that jersey.
The three of us (Thing 2, her sidekick Sara and I) had a great time despite coming home empty handed:
Gee, and you wonder why the demented woman pictured above is not allowed anywhere near the players.
I promised Thing 2 that we would try to make it to at least one game a month next season.
We're hoping that Teemu Selanne will hold off on retiring and give us just One More Year.
Last night, the cheers and chants of "One More Year" even delayed the dropping of the puck. Even Thing 2 said that's the loudest she's ever heard the crowd at Honda Center.
So yesterday, we started painting our Great Room, aka, Dining Room and Living Room. Which is one Great Big Open Area along with our kitchen. I'd show you a picture but everything is one Great Big Mess, what with furniture moved to the center of the room and all sorts of flotsam and jetsam covering every flat surface.
TheManTheMyth was getting ready to paint the ceiling, which I wanted painted a very, very, VERY pale blue, which HE was not in agreement with and, in fact, told me to step away from HGTV before someone gets hurt, when he started to remove our ceiling fan so he could paint the ceiling Not Very, Very, VERY pale blue. Dammit.
I was in another room when I heard a crash and a few choice swear words coming from the Living Room.
This is what my beautiful Minka Aire ceiling fan looked like Before:
This is what it looked like After:
What's wrong with this picture?
What's worse is that I went on Minka Aire's website to see if I could just buy a replacement blade since that's all that actually broke and the answer was No.
Ironically, Thing 1 has the exact same fan in his room and when it was being installed, it was dropped and the only thing that broke was, you guessed it, one blade. Yet we had to order an entire new fan.
So now, I have to order yet ANOTHER fan and I wish this was an April Fool's joke but, sadly, it's not.
At least, that's what I told TheManTheMyth when we discovered that we were NOT the winners of the largest lottery jackpot in human history.
That we matched a grand total of ONE number. Out of 10 tickets.
ONE. FUCKING. NUMBER.
But we're rich in love, I told him.
And he laughed and laughed and laughed.
And laughed.
So it doesn't look as if I'll be getting my classic arcade Skee Ball game any time soon.
Or buying season tickets for the Anaheim Ducks so that I could stare in adoration at Jonas Hiller. Which I will do tomorrow when I go and see Jonas and the rest of the Ducks in their final season game. Yeah, they didn't make the playoffs.
But SPEAKING of Jonas Hiller, whom I love and adore and would happily bear his children if I wasn't already married and spayed and let alone actually MET him (details, schmetails), I hope you stampeded to the NHL.com website so you could vote for my man, Jonas, to be on the cover of EA Sports NHL13. I promised him I'd stump for him.
And don't tell me that you voted instead for someone else on some OTHER team. I said to Vote for Hiller and that means, VOTE FOR HILLER.
Tonight, there will be the drawing for the largest lottery jackpot in world history.
Over $540,000,000.00
That's Half a BILLION dollars.
In American money.
The mind boggles and the flabber is gasted at the thought that one person can actually win that much money in one fell swoop.
And of course there is "Lottery Fever" sweeping the nation as people from states that do not participate in the MegaMillions lottery are jumping in their cars and traveling to states that DO participate so that they too can get in on the action.
People are buying hundreds, if not thousands of dollars worth of tickets just to increase their less-than-stellar odds of winning.
Certain lottery vendors that seem to have much better luck at producing winning tickets than normal (and why is that? Isn't this supposed to be "random?" Hmmmm) have hundreds of people standing in line just to be able to buy tickets.
So, of course, the big question is What Would Kelly Do If She Won Half of a Billion Dollars?
I'll tell you.
Well, I'm sure that after checking my ticket(s) and seeing that, yes, I AM an instant multi-millionaire, I would have to change my clothes because I'm pretty sure that my bladder and bowels would let loose simultaneously.
Oh, come ON! You would so shit your pants if you won!
So after changing my chonies and breathing into a paper sack to keep from passing out from hyperventilation, I would waste no time in making my first Lottery Winning purchase.
Something I have dreamed about having since I was a kid.
Yes, my very own Skee Ball game.
And no, I am not kidding.
Other things I would buy/spend money on include season tickets to the Anaheim Ducks NHL team. Heck, I could go and see the Ducks play at every game on the schedule, even the Away games!
College tuition for both of my offspring would be handled. A trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame for Thing 2 would be on the list. Her dream destination is Canada, where she is positive the streets are paved with hockey pucks and there's an NHL player on every corner.
We would be able to send Thing 1 to the Qualifying rounds for the ISDE (International Six Day Enduro) and then if he qualifies, to the ISDE itself which will take place this year in Saxony, Germany. It's his dream to be able to compete in the ISDE. And the Erzberg Rodeo.
TheManTheMyth, who would accompany Thing 1, would also be able to have the entire fleet of KTM dirt bikes so that he could ride and ride as much as his little heart desires. Nothing brings as much joy to TheManTheMyth as being able to ride his KTM.
I'd buy my Mommy a home in Palm Spring so that she could live out the rest of her life in comfort.
We were discussing the lottery jackpot last night at dinner and Thing 2 asked if we would move to a new house/city if we won and TMTM and I looked at each other and we both said, "No." We really don't see the need to move to a bigger house or to a different city and/or state. We both feel that where we live, which is Coastal Southern California, is the best place in the whole country as far as climate is concerned.
I also would not run out and buy a flashy sports car although TMTM would love Shelby GT500 Mustang.
It's his dream car.
Of course I would make a sizable donation to a Worthy Cause.
Obviously I would follow this advice so that I wouldn't end up losing every penny due to mismanagement, freeloaders and other shenanigans.
Of course, none of this will be possible if I don't go out and actually BUY a ticket. That does help the process, I've found.
Oh, and in the last 2 hours, the jackpot has grown by over 100 MILLION DOLLARS (insert Dr. Evil's evil laugh here).
Predictions of a $700 Million Dollar jackpot are not far-fetched.
What song always makes you happy when you hear it? "Wannabe" by Spice Girls. Don't judge me.
What, if anything, would you change about your blog? More comments, which means more people actually READING it which means they'll need something to read so that they can comment. Which means I need to actually WRITE something. It's a vicious circle.
If you could only keep one thing in your wardrobe, what would it be? My 20+ year old cowboy boots. Although I should probably keep my bra. Without that thing, it can get scary.
Warm sunny beaches or snow covered mountains? I'm lucky enough to live where I can see the snow-covered mountains while laying on a sunny beach. Wait. That wasn't an answer. Sunny beaches. I pick sunny beaches.
What's your favorite book? "The Age of Innocence" by Edith Wharton. And "The Gallery of Regrettable Food" by James Lileks.
What 3 words best describe your personality? Lazy. Witty. Wise. Okay, the last one might be a stretch of the imagination.
What's the first thing you'd splurge on if you won the lottery? Season tickets for the Anaheim Ducks.
Do you have an embarrassing song that you rock out to on your I-pod? See Question #1.
Do you have a hidden talent? I can hula hoop for as long as 65 seconds while ignoring the dishes piled up in my sink.
If you could take a one month trip anywhere and money was not a consideration, where would you go? A month is a long time to be gone. But I'd love to see Turkey, India, Europe, the British Isles and the Maldives.
What's your favorite sport and why? Anaheim Ducks! I love hockey. And hockey players .
I'd like to thank my friend, LisaPie, for giving me something to put on this here blog. Pass it along!
You'll never guess what I just finished doing, not in a million, trillion years so I'll just go ahead and tell you.
I ran.
I am not shitting you.
I ran.
For reals.
I KNOW!!!!
And yes, I am dying.
Hang on, I have to put my head between my knees.
And breathe into a paper bag.
What's that bright light?
The last time I ran and not because I was being chased by a pack of zombie dogs was, well, let me think.
High school.
So what brought on this madness (MADNESS! I say!)?
Since I'm doing the Run Seal Beach 10K next month, I figured I'd better be able to say with all honesty that I ran at least part of it.
And because I want to be in much better shape by the time I hit the big Five Oh than I was when I hit the big Four Oh.
Which ain't saying much as I haven't been in the greatest shape throughout my 40s due to a love of Crack and Silver Bullets.
Although I rarely drink beer any more. Maybe one beer once a month, if that.
Anyway.
Seeing as I can be filed under "well endowed" I figured if I was going to do this running thing, I'd better get me a serious sports bra so that I wouldn't get knocked out while running.
And a serious bra it is. Ugly, too.
That's not me modeling it. In case you wondered.
It may not be something out of Vicky's Secret but it kept my knockers from knocking me out.
So now you're probably wondering just how far/long did I run?
Well, I'll be honest and admit that I did not run the entire 2 miles.
Because have you SEEN me?
I would run for about 30 seconds and then walk for 90.
Run from the stop sign to the next block and so on and so forth.
I figured out of the 2 miles I did, I ran a total of about 3/4 of a mile which may not seem much but hello?
Have you SEEN me?
So, yay me and let's hope I don't wake up dead tomorrow.
