Friday, March 30, 2012


Tonight, there will be the drawing for the largest lottery jackpot in world history.

Over $540,000,000.00 

That's Half a BILLION dollars.

In American money.

The mind boggles and the flabber is gasted at the thought that one person can actually win that much money in one fell swoop.

And of course there is "Lottery Fever" sweeping the nation as people from states that do not participate in the MegaMillions lottery are jumping in their cars and traveling to states that DO participate so that they too can get in on the action.

People are buying hundreds, if not thousands of dollars worth of tickets just to increase their less-than-stellar odds of winning.

Certain lottery vendors that seem to have much better luck at producing winning tickets than normal (and why is that?  Isn't this supposed to be "random?" Hmmmm) have hundreds of people standing in line just to be able to buy tickets.

So, of course, the big question is What Would Kelly Do If She Won Half of a Billion Dollars?

I'll tell you.

Well, I'm sure that after checking my ticket(s) and seeing that, yes, I AM an instant multi-millionaire, I would have to change my clothes because I'm pretty sure that my bladder and bowels would let loose simultaneously.

Oh, come ON!  You would so shit your pants if you won! 

So after changing my chonies and breathing into a paper sack to keep from passing out from hyperventilation, I would waste no time in making my first Lottery Winning purchase.  

Something I have dreamed about having since I was a kid.
Yes, my very own Skee Ball game.

And no, I am not kidding.

Other things I would buy/spend money on include season tickets to the Anaheim Ducks NHL team.  Heck, I could go and see the Ducks play at every game on the schedule, even the Away games!

College tuition for both of my offspring would be handled.  A trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame for Thing 2 would be on the list.  Her dream destination is Canada, where she is positive the streets are paved with hockey pucks and there's an NHL player on every corner.

 We would be able to send Thing 1 to the Qualifying rounds for the ISDE (International Six Day Enduro) and then if he qualifies, to the ISDE itself which will take place this year in Saxony, Germany.  It's his dream to be able to compete in the ISDE.  And the Erzberg Rodeo.  

TheManTheMyth, who would accompany Thing 1, would also be able to have the entire fleet of KTM dirt bikes so that he could ride and ride as much as his little heart desires.  Nothing brings as much joy to TheManTheMyth as being able to ride his KTM.

I'd buy my Mommy a home in Palm Spring so that she could live out the rest of her life in comfort.

We were discussing the lottery jackpot last night at dinner and Thing 2 asked if we would move to a new house/city if we won and TMTM and I looked at each other and we both said, "No."  We really don't see the need to move to a bigger house or to a different city and/or state.  We both feel that where we live, which is Coastal Southern California, is the best place in the whole country as far as climate is concerned.  

I also would not run out and buy a flashy sports car although TMTM would love Shelby GT500 Mustang.
It's his dream car.  

Of course I would make a sizable donation to a Worthy Cause.

Obviously I would follow this advice so that I wouldn't end up losing every penny due to mismanagement, freeloaders and other shenanigans.

Of course, none of this will be possible if I don't go out and actually BUY a ticket.  That does help the process, I've found.

Oh, and in the last 2 hours, the jackpot has grown by over 100 MILLION DOLLARS (insert Dr. Evil's evil laugh here).

Predictions of a $700 Million Dollar jackpot are not far-fetched.

Mind boggling, I tell you.

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