Monday, June 1, 2009

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Just like the theme song from "Cheers" says, there's a place nearby where everybody knows my name and they are ALWAYS glad I came. I'm so well known there that just hearing my voice makes the staff scramble to have my Usual prepared and ready to go. In fact, before I even have a chance to open my mouth, they say, "Your Usual." A statement, not a question.

Oh, you're probably thinking I'm talking about a little neighborhood bar. Nonsense. I haven't gone out for a drink since God Knows When (I do my swilling at home. Where I don't run the risk of a DUI).

Nope, I'm talking about THIS place:

Aka, the "Crack House."
And my Drug of Choice, aka "Crack" is this:

That's right, the Bacon & Egg Quesadilla Meal. Comes with To Die For Hashbrown Sticks and a drink, which in my case is a Diet Coke. Medium size. Which is the Large Size everywhere else.

I'm not saying I'm a Regular or anything but when TheManTheMyth volunteers to get my Crack for me (Such an Enabler!) and orders the Small drink, the Dealers at the Crack House laugh and point out his error by handing him the Medium size Diet Coke. And they inform him, "She gets the Medium size."

So why, you ask, do I refer to Del Taco as the "Crack House" and the B&E Q meal "Crack?" I'll tell you. If I don't have my Crack every morning, I get shaky, jittery. I break out in a cold sweat and curl up in the fetal position, while moaning and pleading, "Just little bit, man. C'mon, I just need a hit to get me through the day! Please, I'm BEGGING!!" as my children look down at me in disgust at my lack of self-control.

I actually kicked the Crack Habit last year. I started walking and eating healthy and once I got through the Withdrawal stage, I was feeling pretty good. And saving a good chunk of change.

And then I injured my foot in an offroad ATV accident:

and was unable to walk, let alone wear shoes. But I could drive! And I drove straight to the Crack House to help me get through this trying time.

I know I must once again kick my Crack habit. Even if it means there will be layoffs at the Crack House because they lost their best customer and a large part of their revenue. But I can do this, I know I can. I've done it dozens of times, usually when I can't find any spare change or money that falls out of pockets in the laundry.

I will be strong and break my Crack Habit.

Starting tomorrow.


1 comment:

  1. OK, that foot picture makes me gag -- and I'm a nurse! Pretend it's Red Ribbon Week and Just Say NO!