Things have been a little chaotic here at Chez Kvetch, which is one of the reasons I haven't posted anything in a day or two. Or six. Whatever.
The kitchen remodel is coming along. I can't say that's it's coming along nicely because once again, I do not have a working kitchen. And it sucks.
Last week, TheManTheMyth started working on the section where the sink was located. Key word: WAS.
The dishwasher was removed and is now blocking the new finished pantry and I cannot show you how fabulous it looks because there's a dishwasher blocking it. However, you CAN see the finished upper cabinets in the above photo.
Anyhoo.
As TheManTheMyth removed the dishwasher (and used it to block access to the pantry), whatever was holding the sink in place gave out and the oh-so heavy (and ugly) cast iron sink came crashing down and lemme tell you, that's one helluva loud sound. The whole house shook.
So TMTM drags the old sink out and proceeds to remove the cabinet. Which will have to be completely rebuilt because it was pretty rotted out. Goody. This will delay our progress. But it's okay because on Friday, we realized we had completely forgotten to order the new sink to go into the new sink cabinet. The new sink will arrive in about 10 days.
As TMTM removed the old cabinet, a couple of things were discovered: The floor under the sink cabinet and dishwasher were pretty much rotten due to plumbing leaks
and so that section of floor had to be torn out
and the plumbing had to be completely redone. We also found a swell rat's nest under the cabinet:
but luckily, the occupant was not present. And we found access holes in the walls from when the old plumbing was done and the plumber didn't bother to fill in the holes thus giving the little rat-bastards easy access. Fuckers.
So currently, my dishwasher is blocking my pantry, the refrigerator is sitting in the middle of the room, I don't have a sink and have to wash dishes in the bathroom sink, there's tools and assorted flotsam and jetsam covering my dining room table and it's just such a mess I can't stand it. I also no longer have countertops.
But on the bright side, my fabulous new stove was delivered on Friday but since we can't install it at this time (and God only knows WHEN it can be installed) it just sits in the middle of the floor and has become another flat surface to pile crap on:
Unable to cook, unable to wash dishes, unable to get into my gorgeous new pantry.
Just another day in Paradise.
1. Why are bargain-brand, no-name loaves of bread already stale the moment you buy them, even if they've just been delivered? For the record, *I* don't purchase these loaves of bread (see first sentence) but TheManTheMyth does when he and Thing 1 head out to the races and of course they eat a grand total of 4 slices (2 sandwiches total) which means they bring back an almost full loaf of stale bread. I feel guilty if I toss it because it's such a waste and I feel guilty if I take it to the park to feed the squirrels, ducks and geese because there's all these signs BEGGING you not to feed the wildlife even though the squirrels, ducks and geese at my local park haven't had to forage for food in decades. They get 3 hots and a cot from the local senior citizens who deliver meals twice a day and no, I'm not kidding. So if I were to take my stale loaf of bread to the park, it would probably be laughed at by the squirrels and fowl who are used to much better vittles than the stale loaf of bargain bread I'd be flinging at them. Yeah, it's a tough life for critters at El Dorado Regional Park.
2. In this day and age, just about every car manufacturer offers various models of hybrids. You can get hybrid SUV's, hybrid luxury sedans, hybrid compact cars. Yet out of all the hybrids out there, only one model seems to cause its driver to drive in a manner all but guaranteed to annoy, irritate and pretty much piss off everyone else who encounters one on the road.
I'm talking about the Prius. Or, as my friend Sandy pronounces it, the "PrEYEus." Because Sandy is a card. A Joker.
I'll be driving along and all of a sudden, traffic slows waaaay down and cars start swerving into the next lane and then back with hand gestures a-flailing and lo and behold, the reason becomes clear: Someone in a Prius is driving along, under the speed limit, usually in the fast lane or carpool lane and completely unconcerned that they're causing a bottleneck. They don't care, they don't have to. They drive a Prius.
You don't see the drivers of Altima Hybrids or Ford Fusion hybrids or even Camry hybrids driving like geriatrics with cataracts. No, they drive like NORMAL people even though they're driving hybrids. So what's the deal, Prius drivers? Huh? Huh?
3. My internet connection has decided to play hard-to-get over the last couple of days. One minute I'll be happily web surfing away and the next, there's no connection and my networks isn't even listed on the little icon thingamajig up at the top of my screen.
4. "I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really, want! So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want! I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want! So tell me what you want, what you really, really want!"
Yes, folks, I've got "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls stuck in my head. Special thanks go out to Thing 2 for planting that seed. She'll pay for that.
Yes, I downloaded it to my iTunes.
Yes, I'm ashamed that I did.
5. I don't know what it is about hardware stores but I seriously can spend HOURS in them. Not so much the Home Depots and Lowe's but the Harbor Freight, Ace and True Value stores. There are so many gadgets and jing-tinglers and all sorts of fun things to see. I had to go to my local hardware store this morning to buy 6 dozen screws (I ended up just buying a box of 100. It was cheaper that way) and if TheManTheMyth hadn't needed them RIGHT NOW, I'd probably still be there browsing to my heart's content.
I was at Harbor Freight the other day and I swear I was the youngest person in there. Octogenarian men as far as the eye could see. Well, MY eye. I don't think the oldsters could see all that good. They kept asking me to read stuff to them. "Young lady, can you tell me what it says on this drill box?" "Um, that's a stapler." "What? What's that you say? A stapler? I don't need a dad-gum stapler! Where are the drills?"
Gotta love 'em.
And then I watched as they got into their Delta 88s, Buick Park Avenues or Chrysler New Yorkers and drove off, sideswiping a slow-moving Prius.
Of course.
Gotta love 'em.
This past weekend, I was finally able to get my hands on something I have wanted, nay, coveted for a long time and now, it's finally mine, Mine, ALL MINE!!!!
It all started a couple of years ago in Palm Springs.
My Brother in law and I decided to check out an estate sale near the house. However, this estate sale was pretty much a bust. Unless you were looking for old Corelle dishes and 8 track tapes of Vicki Carr.
There was really nothing of value until we went into the bedroom and saw It.
We stood there, completely enthralled and I said, "You HAVE to buy it, it's THAT awesome!"
We arrived back at the house with our fabulous purchase and presented it with a flourish.
We knew we had found something really, really special and Our Find was placed in the living room for all to admire.
But instead of accolades over our fabulous find, we heard things such as, "Are you out of your freakin' mind?" and "You have got to be kidding" and "This is a joke, right?"
We were stunned.
How could everyone overlook the spectacular awesomeness of our purchase?
How could they say it was hideous and Must Go?
BIL and I defended Our Find and tried to convince everyone that this was a Great Thing.
But they laughed at us.
Finally, my sister rolled her eyes and allowed Our Find to be placed in the Living Room for all to see and comment on.
And comment they did.
And not in a good way.
But for about a year, Our Find was present in the living room and then one day, it was quietly replaced by something less "stylish" and awesome. Our Find was banished to the garage and there it sat, unloved and neglected and slowly covered in a layer of dust.
And every time we went to Palm Springs, BIL and I would lament about our poor unloved and unwanted Find and how nobody appreciated its awesomeness and its beauty.
I couldn't stand the thought of that magnificent object being so neglected so finally I offered to take it off their hands and give it the loving home it so richly deserved.
My sister couldn't hand it over fast enough.
I brought it home, cleaned off the layers of dust it had acquired from its banishment and placed it in its new home.
The reactions of my family were varied.
TheManTheMyth stared, shook his head and headed out to the garage to continue refinishing the kitchen cabinets.
Thing 1 laughed and said, "You are such a Gypsy!"
Thing 2 walked in, stopped and stared in disbelief. "WHAT is that...that...THING doing here?" she asked. "Isn't that supposed to be in Palm Springs? WHY IS IT HERE??"
I ignored them all.
Nobody, except for my BIL, "gets" how fabulous Our Find is. They just don't understand.
Once I finished cleaning the layers of dust off and polishing the parts that needed polishing, I flipped the switch and stood back and admired:
How awesome is that lamp? Is it not the most gaudiest thing? And that's what makes it so fabulous! It's just so over the top and big and just so...so...BAD!
Look at those prisms!!
And the pineapple leaves they're attached to. The fringed lampshade. The cut glass bowl.
The incredibly ornate base.
Not only is this lamp huge AND hugely over-the-top, it weighs a ton, too.
And is completely out of place in any room with the exception of the boudoir of a flamboyant gay man.
Liberace would have loved it.
And I love it, too.
Because it makes me laugh my fool head off.
And if you can't laugh at yourself, trust me, there are plenty of others who will.
I had a totally different post for today but after watching last night's episode of what used to be one of my favorite shows, well, the original post will have to wait another day.
Because I HAVE to talk about the "new" Two and a Half Men."
I'm not saying the new version is bad but I would have walked out of last night's episode on an airplane.
THAT'S how bad it was.
Ashton Kutcher's character, "Waldon (Walden?) Schmidt" should have been named "Michael Jesse Kelso" since he's basically rehashing his character Kelso from "That 70's Show" and Jesse from the critically acclaimed, "Dude, Where's My Car?"
In other words, he's playing a dimwit dufus.
And I guess Angus T. Jones, who plays Jake Harper, has been put on recurring status since his entire appearance consisted of a 5 second scene and two words, "Hello? Dad?"
And on one hand, I wondered how a father could completely move out and forget his own son but on the other hand, my parents had a habit of driving off and forgetting to take me from the time I was an infant until I graduated from High School so I guess that's not all that far-fetched.
Another issue of bad writing/casting is seeing Walden's (Waldon's?) wife Bridget played by the same actress who played Herb's sister Myra, who Charlie dallied with when she came out for Judith & Herb's wedding.
The show went downhill right after Charlie Sheen's marital meltdown and he pretty much just phoned in his performances, leaving Jon Cryer to carry the show with ridiculous slapstick antics.
I can see in the episodes to come, Waldon (Walden?) will continue to make childish attempts to reconcile with Aunt Myra, I mean his wife Bridget, and sleeping with a bevy of beauties in between reconciliation attempts.
On one hand, I should be curious where Alan will be sleeping now that Berta has moved in as live-in housekeeper but on the other hand, it's just not worth it to care in more.
I know I can't be the only one who expects a future episode to include a leather jacket, a pair of waterskis, a ramp and a shark to be jumped over.
Am I right?
I'm right and you know it.
When Thing 1 turned 16, he received his Inheritance from his paternal Grandfather, The Red Rocket
A 1990 (which makes it older than Thing 1) Chevy 3/4 ton 4x4 pick up truck (duh, it's pretty obvious from the photo) that sucks gas like a crack whore sucks...well, let's just say it gets REALLY lousy gas mileage. We're talking single digits for City MPG and very low teens for Highway MPG. And the A/C doesn't work.
But the truck was free and the insurance is cheap since Thing 1 maintains a 3.0 GPA and we only got Liability Insurance. Which I have to remind Thing 1 whenever he talks about going "Barging" and "Mobbing" in the Rocket.
The Rocket became something of a Legend in these here parts of the woods. People have even shown up in the middle of the night to lovingly "gift wrap" the Rocket as a gesture of affection:
But for some time, we've been wanting to get something that is a little more reliable and gets better gas mileage but since the money tree in the backyard is just not blooming, it's been a moot point.
Until yesterday.
Meet the New Red Rocket, or Red Rocket 2.0 as we like to call it:
It's a 1994 Dodge Ram 2500 with the Cummins Diesel. Which means it'll last forever AND gets twice the mileage as the Old Red Rocket. It was owned by a diesel mechanic who was meticulous about mechanical maintenance (say that 3 times fast) and kept very detailed records.
The best thing about it, other than the fact that my car will NOT need a trailer hitch, was the dirt cheap price. When Thing 1's Best Crony (and our Favorite) told us about the truck and the asking price, we kept saying, "What's the catch?" Other than some minor cosmetic issues and a lack of a stereo in it, there was no catch. The seller needed the money (divorce).
There was no way we could pass it up. And the seller even knocked $100 off the already ridiculously low price because of the missing stereo.
We're all excited about the new Red Rocket. Thing 1 because it has working A/C and now he can legitimately hang with "The Cummins Crew" as many of his cronies all have the same truck. TheManTheMyth is happy because he now has a back up reliable work truck and a new desert mobile and I'm beyond thrilled because my new car will not need to have a hitch put on it so the guys can hitch up a small motorcycle trailer and take that to their races instead of driving The Big Truck or the Old Red Rocket. Thing 2, well, she just shrugged as said, "Whatever" and disappeared back into The Cave.
We asked Thing 2 if she wanted Red Rocket 1.0 for herself but she just looked at us and said, "Uh, NO."
So, Red Rocket 1.0 is For Sale. $2500.00. Spread the word. Tell your friends.
Yes, folks, it's that time once again where I spent a Sunday at the Long Beach Antique Flea Market (held the 3rd Sunday each month), which is ALWAYS good for blog fodder.
This time, I went with my faithful reader (but rare commenter) and sidekick, Queen Stella. Or, as I like to call her, "Bubbles."
For reasons beyond me, every time I go to the Flea Market, it doesn't matter if the weather forecast calls for blizzards and sub-zero temps, as soon as I walk through the gates at the Flea Market, it's blazing hot and temps reach "Swelter" range and yesterday was no exception.
One of the things I enjoy about the Flea Market is all the interesting items people are selling.
When I saw this, my first response was "What. The. Fuck?" and my second response was to whip out my phone and take a picture:
Seriously, this was some sick shit right here. A limbless mannequin that had the nipples cut off and was gutted to show an assortment of fishing lures inside.
Oh. My. God. I just took a closer look at that photo and the tits of this thing were NOT cut off but were made into open-mouth fish. See the eyes?
Dude. What. The. Fuck?
Okay, I'm even more creeped out now than I was when I saw it yesterday.
Cute little plaid cooler for a stand, though.
Moving along, I saw a swell bed. Sheet metal flames.
Handcuffs not included.
Several times, we saw dolls for sale and since dolls are one of the things that gives Bubbles a serious case of the creeps and since I am a caring friend, I made sure to point the dolls out to her and then use my Exorcist voice to further irritate her. "Stella. Look at me. Look into my creepy doll eyes. LOOK AT ME!!!!!"
Yeah, I'm a riot.
And then there was the picture of Mae West that someone tried to 3D by adding feathers and stuff.
Loverly.
If any of you read The Bloggess (and if you don't, you're missing out on some real genius), then you know about Beyonce and I don't mean the singer. Go read it RIGHT NOW so you'll understand.
Someone was selling a Beyonce!!! Unfortunately, they wanted $250, otherwise I'd have my very own Beyonce knocking on MY front door.
Unfortunately, also, I didn't take a picture of Flea Market Beyonce.
I also didn't take a picture of the one thing I wanted more than anything else I saw at the Flea Market.
It was a wrought iron full size cart that had a surrey-type of roof and it had wheels and everything about it screamed, "GYPSY CART!!!" and I wanted it so effing bad. As Bubbles said, it could be blinged out with crystals and ribbons and jing-tinglers and it would have looked PERFECT in my backyard and there was just one problem. Okay, two problems:
1) It was $325.00 although the vendor said they would entertain any and all offers but I figured offering them $75 would be just a bit insulting and I was not going to pay a penny more because, well, that's all I had.
2) It was a full size cart, about the size of a street vendor hot dog cart and my car is a Chevy Cruze so getting it home had they accepted my $75 offer would have been a bit of a challenge.
So no Gypsy Cart for me and I'm STILL upset about it. I told TheManTheMyth about it and he did ask how much but shook his head when I told him the price. But I bet he would have been okay if it was $75. If that vendor and cart are still there next month, I just might have to do some wheeling and dealing. Because I WANT THAT CART!
All righty then.
We also saw a plant vendor who had a cute and unique method of displaying his plants:
A swingset for plants! These particular plants were in these ginormous snail shells (ewww) but how cute would a swingset for plants look in your backyard? WAY cute is what I'm saying.
While Bubbles and I were walking along, I was telling her about a vendor that I used to see every month. This particular vendor specialized in, how shall I say, "funeraria." I don't know if that's even a word but he sold all sorts of funeral-related items. Including old caskets. But Funerary Vendor hasn't been around in a couple of years.
And as I'm telling her about this, we both stopped dead in our tracks (no pun intended) and I'm all, "Do you see what I see?" And she's all, "Uh, yeah" and I'm all, "No way!" and she's all "Way!"
And of course we have to hightail it over because how often do you see THIS at the Flea Market:
I KNOW!!! Hockey sticks!!! AND a crosscut saw!
I made a whole two purchases:
This will go in my backyard and be decorative. Or something.
My other purchase was one of those folding old-lady shopping carts because I had brought my little Lawn Buddy that doubles as a wagon for any loot I purchased:
but those plastic wheels were noisier than shit on the asphalt and that got REAL old REAL fast. Plus, the shopping cars were only $25 and I'll be able to use it over and over.
I also hit a couple of garage/yard sales this weekend and you know what just irritates the ever-lovin' crap outta me? When I follow the jillion signs that all say, "HUGE YARD/GARAGE SALE" and when I get to said "huge" sale, there's nothing but a bunch of clothes scattered on a blanket along with old recalled baby items.
It's enough to sic that gutted mannequin on their asses.
I'm feeling like crap today.
Squishy AND warm. Except I can't seem to get warm.
But seriously, I've got a funky headache and my shoulder blades ache and that usually means a fever is on the way.
Goody.
I'd like to blame Thing 2, or as I like to call her, "Typhoid Kaylyn" because she's been a petri dish full of germs all week and she believes in Sharing the Wealth.
Unless we're talking monetary wealth. She don't share that shit.
So thank you my darling daughter. You Giver, you.
So, the kitchen remodel is moving right along. I guess. The latest installment was the installation of the new pantry:
Which is unfinished, in case you were wondering. But we had to get it into the house and wasn't THAT an adventure. It involved three people, a hand-truck/dolly thingamajig AND a Fusion Scooter
for that Professional Furniture Mover touch. And once we got it in the house and raised it in place, we discovered that it was just a teensy-weensy bit too tall. So TheManTheMyth made some adjustments of some sort using some kind of tools (I was playing Solitaire on the computer so don't ask me what kind of adjustments or tools he used, 'kay?) it was installed and bolted to the wall and ceiling so that it won't come crashing down in the middle of an earthquake.
So the next step was to get the microwave off the counter and into its niche.
And it didn't fit.
Of course.
Just a teensy-weensy bit too tall.
Oh, you wanna hear something weird?
Of course you do.
You know how the other day I mentioned that there were swarms of flies in my office and in the kitchen a la "Amityville Horror?"
Well, the very next day they were all gone. JUST LIKE THAT!! They weren't smashed with a flyswatter or sprayed with Raid Flying Insects bug spray. They were just...Gone. With the Wind.
Oh yeah, I have to make a correction about something. In THIS post, I referred to Someone as Thing 1's "Girlfriend" and Someone got their panties in a twist because of that, because she is NOT his "girlfriend" any longer so pardon me. My error.
Oh my God, Oh my God! Teemu Selanne is not retiring and will play another year with the Anaheim Ducks!
Oh, I'm a Happy Camper. And am anxiously awaiting for the puck to drop on October 6.
Three more weeks. Three more weeks.
