I am on the horns of a dilemma here, people.
A decision needs to be made.
A choice must be made.
I must use my Freedom of Choice but not about a dog in Ancient Rome who had 2 bones and picked up one and licked the other and now I'm off on a Devo song tangent.
But that's how my mind works.
So, back to my dilemma, my choice, my decision that needs to be made.
Let me start by talking about my cellphone.
I know, excitement city.
Since I've had my current cellphone, the Motorola Droid, it has been a great phone. Unless I want to send or receive e-mails. Then it sucks big, fat donkey dicks.
And since I receive, on the average, 50+ e-mails a day, this is A Problem.
For reasons unknown to me, my phone likes to withhold my e-mails until IT decides when and if I should receive them. And how often I should receive them. There's been many a time that e-mails will arrive a good 48 hours AFTER they've been sent.
Another issue is that my Droid will re-send the same e-mails as many as 5 times. And when you get 50+ e-mails being resent 5 times, it's A Problem.
And another issue is that e-mails won't load so I can't open them.
And yet ANOTHER ISSUE is that I am unable to send e-mails using my primary account. Every time I attempt it, I'm asked for my password and then told my password is incorrect and sucks to be you, doesn't it?
My phone. Disrespecting me since 2010.
So OBVIOUSLY I need a new phone. One that doesn't give me attitude and does what I pay for it to do.
And since I am a diehard fan of the Fruit Company, the phone I want is the Apple iPhone.
And if I'm going to get an iPhone, it makes sense to get the 4S and not the 4.
Now, I'm going to move from talking about my stupid phone to talking about my undergarments.
My bras, to be exact.
I don't wear cheap bras. I can't. My bras work hard for the money keeping my massive mammaries supported and a cheap bra just doesn't offer the love and support my F-Troops require.
So spending nearly $100 on a single bra is something that Has to Be Done.
And this week, one of my expensive yet hardworking bras finally threw in the towel, rolled over and died. The underwire snapped in two and poked right through the material, practically impaling me in the rib cage.
As I've said, those poor bras work hard for the money.
So this means I need to buy new bras, which is actually something I HATE to do because it takes hours to find one that fits right and feels right and even if it's the same bra I've worn, you have to try on every.single.bra because they all fit differently.
Plus, you spend A LOT of money for something that isn't something you can play Words With Friends on and that makes me cross.
Which leads me to My Dilemma.
Funds are more than a little tight this time of year, what with paying for Christmas and an offroad motorcycle race and a kid who just had surgery on his knee and all those pesky doctors and hospitals and physical therapists and MRI people want to be paid.
Which means that I have to decide: Do I get my new iPhone or do I buy some new Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders?
Both will see A LOT of use, both are very much needed.
The iPhone?
The bras?
What do I do? Which do I choose?
And if you're wondering what the title has to do with anything, watch "Bachelor Party" with Tom Hanks.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
HEY KIDS, WHAT DAY IS IT??
It's the day when every blogger blogs about what went on in their lives throughout the year.
Why?
Because it's the last day of the year, that's why!
But guess what?
CHICKEN BUTT!!!
That never gets old.
*I* am not going to do a 2011 retrospective because frankly, not a whole helluva lot went on during 2011 that merits reminiscing about. I went to Lake Tahoe for a couple of days in August. That's about it.
Because who lives an exciting life?
Not this gal.
And I'm okay with that.
Once upon a time, I did Fun and Exciting Things to ring in the New Year.
In 1983, I was dating a guy who was the singer in a rock band. I KNOW, right? Every girl should go out with a guy in a rock band at least once in their lives and then? Box checked.
Anyway, he had a house party gig on New Year's Eve and I was all excited, so excited in fact that I neglected to actually eat anything in the hours leading up to the party, where I would be starring in the role of "Lead Singer's Girlfriend."
And because it was New Year's Eve and I was the Lead Singer's Girlfriend, which was not as glamorous as it sounds, I was a-drinking and a-partying, all on an empty stomach.
So by the time midnight rolled around, guess who was rolling around in the bushes, puking her guts out? Oh, I was a LOT of fun that night, lemme tell you. And The Boyfriend? Was NOT sympathetic. Or concerned. Or attentive. But what he DID do, was find someone else to kiss at midnight, nice guy that he was.
New Year's Eve 1986 was a good one. I went and saw the Grateful Dead play one of their famous/infamous New Year's Eve shows. I went with my boyfriend, The DeadHead, and while the rest of the DeadHeads camped out in the local park, we roughed it at the Marriott in Berkeley.
Surprisingly, I made it through the entire show without ever once indulging in the recreational chemicals that are plentiful at Dead concerts. I don't remember why.
Since I've been married to TheManTheMyth, we've spent most of our NYE camping out in the desert with our motorcycle club. For years, we would cook a gigantic prime rib for the everybody and drink martinis and champagne and set off fireworks, which would scare the crap out of everyone's dogs and there was always drama of some sort including the guy who rolled his truck 1/4 mile from camp and then spent the next few hours wandering through the desert in a daze like Moses if Moses had been drunk and rolled his truck, a few fistfights breaking out amongst long-time friends and guess who decided she's kind of done "celebrating" in that manner?
Which is why I'm saying Farewell 2011, Hello 2012 here at home with Thing 2 and Gracie Lou while TheManTheMyth and Thing 1 are carrying on tradition in the desert.
I will watch my beloved Anaheim Ducks probably get beaten by the Colorado Avalanche because the Ducks are sucking big time this year but I still love them.
And I will wake up in 2012, without a hangover and I will think about what I can do to make 2012 a little more interesting than 2011 in a way that doesn't involve NHL players filing restraining orders. Again.
Why?
Because it's the last day of the year, that's why!
But guess what?
CHICKEN BUTT!!!
That never gets old.
*I* am not going to do a 2011 retrospective because frankly, not a whole helluva lot went on during 2011 that merits reminiscing about. I went to Lake Tahoe for a couple of days in August. That's about it.
Because who lives an exciting life?
Not this gal.
And I'm okay with that.
Once upon a time, I did Fun and Exciting Things to ring in the New Year.
In 1983, I was dating a guy who was the singer in a rock band. I KNOW, right? Every girl should go out with a guy in a rock band at least once in their lives and then? Box checked.
Anyway, he had a house party gig on New Year's Eve and I was all excited, so excited in fact that I neglected to actually eat anything in the hours leading up to the party, where I would be starring in the role of "Lead Singer's Girlfriend."
And because it was New Year's Eve and I was the Lead Singer's Girlfriend, which was not as glamorous as it sounds, I was a-drinking and a-partying, all on an empty stomach.
So by the time midnight rolled around, guess who was rolling around in the bushes, puking her guts out? Oh, I was a LOT of fun that night, lemme tell you. And The Boyfriend? Was NOT sympathetic. Or concerned. Or attentive. But what he DID do, was find someone else to kiss at midnight, nice guy that he was.
New Year's Eve 1986 was a good one. I went and saw the Grateful Dead play one of their famous/infamous New Year's Eve shows. I went with my boyfriend, The DeadHead, and while the rest of the DeadHeads camped out in the local park, we roughed it at the Marriott in Berkeley.
Surprisingly, I made it through the entire show without ever once indulging in the recreational chemicals that are plentiful at Dead concerts. I don't remember why.
Since I've been married to TheManTheMyth, we've spent most of our NYE camping out in the desert with our motorcycle club. For years, we would cook a gigantic prime rib for the everybody and drink martinis and champagne and set off fireworks, which would scare the crap out of everyone's dogs and there was always drama of some sort including the guy who rolled his truck 1/4 mile from camp and then spent the next few hours wandering through the desert in a daze like Moses if Moses had been drunk and rolled his truck, a few fistfights breaking out amongst long-time friends and guess who decided she's kind of done "celebrating" in that manner?
Which is why I'm saying Farewell 2011, Hello 2012 here at home with Thing 2 and Gracie Lou while TheManTheMyth and Thing 1 are carrying on tradition in the desert.
I will watch my beloved Anaheim Ducks probably get beaten by the Colorado Avalanche because the Ducks are sucking big time this year but I still love them.
And I will wake up in 2012, without a hangover and I will think about what I can do to make 2012 a little more interesting than 2011 in a way that doesn't involve NHL players filing restraining orders. Again.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
PANDEMONIUM
Last week I went to IKEA to return something AND to stock up on bags of their Swedish Meatballs and Sauce Mix (because YUMMY!) and I figured while I was there, I really should look at their cookware because I was in serious need of a new frying pan and besides, there's always tons of swell stuff at IKEA along with Real Housewives of the OC all pushing strollers filled with screaming toddlers because, in case you didn't know, IKEA is the hot ticket to go for Mommy & Me outings because not only is there a little Drop-the-Rugrats-Off-Here-While-You-Shop daycare/play area, the cafe serves good food and dirt cheap prices and if I lived closer to an IKEA, I'd eat every meal there and wow this is one helluva long run-on sentence.
Deep breath.
So anyway, I'm browsing in the cookware section and there's all kinds of pots and pans and I finally choose a big-ass heavy duty frying pan, pay for it and haul it home.
You guys. It's the most awesome pan in the world.
Everything that I've cooked on it has come out perfect.
It's beautiful.
We're in love, my pan and I.
Or is it "my pan and me?" Grammar police? What say you?
Anyway.
I'm thinking of giving my pan a name because we have a Relationship going on now so what's a good name for it?
Oh. Duh. Peter. Get it? Peter PAN??
Work with me, people!
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Peter:
Isn't he GORGEOUS??
Yes, he weighs a ton and has to be washed by hand instead of just tossing him the dishwasher but I DON'T CARE, I LOVE HIM AND WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER 4EVR!!
Deep breath.
So anyway, I'm browsing in the cookware section and there's all kinds of pots and pans and I finally choose a big-ass heavy duty frying pan, pay for it and haul it home.
You guys. It's the most awesome pan in the world.
Everything that I've cooked on it has come out perfect.
It's beautiful.
We're in love, my pan and I.
Or is it "my pan and me?" Grammar police? What say you?
Anyway.
I'm thinking of giving my pan a name because we have a Relationship going on now so what's a good name for it?
Oh. Duh. Peter. Get it? Peter PAN??
Work with me, people!
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Peter:
Yes, he weighs a ton and has to be washed by hand instead of just tossing him the dishwasher but I DON'T CARE, I LOVE HIM AND WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER 4EVR!!
Kelly
+
Peter
4 EVr
And filed under "Weird Stuff" (not like me being in love with a frying pan is weird or anything), Thing 1 went to change the oil in Big Red and found this tied to the undercarriage:
There's only one obvious explanation for this:
MORE COWBELL!!
MORE COWBELL!!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
CONTAIN YOURSELF, WOMAN!!
Despite all evidence to the contrary (have you SEEN my office?), I have a "thing" for organizational stuff. I buy books that tell me how to declutter and simplify my life.
Never mind that those books have become part of the clutter that has taken over my office, my Special Place, my Sanctuary. Yeah, it's a mess but I LOVE my office. Although I would love to shitcan my desk because it's huge and ugly massive and takes up way too much room because it's so huge and massive and ugly and it really doesn't have much storage which is why EVERYTHING ends up ON it instead of put away nice and neat IN it.
Anyway.
I love anything that helps you to Get Organized and today, I visited the Mecca of the Organizational World.
The Container Store.
Whose motto should be, "A Place for Everything and Everything in its Place and this is the Place to Get a Place for Everything!"
When I walked in, I thought I had died and gone to Organizational Heaven.
And, I think I gave a squeal AND a heavy sigh.
I walked up and down every. single. aisle and made sure I checked out the end-caps to see what sort of gadgetry called out to me and let me tell you, EVERYTHING called out to me.
I easily could have spent hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of dollars I don't have on stuff I'm positive I need to turn my office into a Thing of Organized Beauty.
Cabinets! Bins! Shelving! Racks! Holders! Gadgets!
I wandered into the kitchen section and there were Cabinets! Bins! Shelving! Racks! Holders! Gadgets that you didn't know even existed but you know you Must Have!
Everything to keep your kitchen all tidy and organized!
The Laundry/Utility Section! Bins! Cabinets! Shelving! Holders for mops, brooms, buckets! Gadgets!!
Oh, it was Organizational overload! There were bins to hold bins! It was like the Matroyshka Dolls of storage!
I needed to contain myself (get it? Who cracks herself up? This gal!) before I exploded so I headed out the door.
But not before purchasing two items to help me in my organizational needs: A rubber pet hair removal brush thingamajig (it works!) and lids for dog food cans.
Who's Miss Organized now?
Not this gal.
Never mind that those books have become part of the clutter that has taken over my office, my Special Place, my Sanctuary. Yeah, it's a mess but I LOVE my office. Although I would love to shitcan my desk because it's huge and ugly massive and takes up way too much room because it's so huge and massive and ugly and it really doesn't have much storage which is why EVERYTHING ends up ON it instead of put away nice and neat IN it.
Anyway.
I love anything that helps you to Get Organized and today, I visited the Mecca of the Organizational World.
The Container Store.
Whose motto should be, "A Place for Everything and Everything in its Place and this is the Place to Get a Place for Everything!"
When I walked in, I thought I had died and gone to Organizational Heaven.
And, I think I gave a squeal AND a heavy sigh.
I walked up and down every. single. aisle and made sure I checked out the end-caps to see what sort of gadgetry called out to me and let me tell you, EVERYTHING called out to me.
I easily could have spent hundreds, no, THOUSANDS of dollars I don't have on stuff I'm positive I need to turn my office into a Thing of Organized Beauty.
Cabinets! Bins! Shelving! Racks! Holders! Gadgets!
I wandered into the kitchen section and there were Cabinets! Bins! Shelving! Racks! Holders! Gadgets that you didn't know even existed but you know you Must Have!
Everything to keep your kitchen all tidy and organized!
The Laundry/Utility Section! Bins! Cabinets! Shelving! Holders for mops, brooms, buckets! Gadgets!!
Oh, it was Organizational overload! There were bins to hold bins! It was like the Matroyshka Dolls of storage!
I needed to contain myself (get it? Who cracks herself up? This gal!) before I exploded so I headed out the door.
But not before purchasing two items to help me in my organizational needs: A rubber pet hair removal brush thingamajig (it works!) and lids for dog food cans.
Who's Miss Organized now?
Not this gal.
Monday, November 28, 2011
WHY?
1. Why did I wake up feeling semi-okay despite an utter lack of sleep because TheManTheMyth kept smacking me because I was ALLEGEDLY snoring yet how can I be snoring if I wasn't even asleep and so I fought against sleep so that I wouldn't get smacked but now I have a raging headache and feel like total poo? Oh. Yeah. LACK OF SLEEP.
2. Why do people walk alongside their carts while at the supermarket instead of pushing them like normal people? Do they not realize that they are taking up the entire aisle when they do this?
3. Why do people choose to go grocery shopping with the entire family and by "entire family" I mean Mom, Dad and multiple ill-behaved yard apes who are all having meltdowns because they want candy and Ding Dongs and Jolt Cola. And these are also the people who walk alongside their carts. The whole damn family. Nobody pushes the cart. They all hang on to the sides and mow down anyone in their way.
4. Why is it I don't mind doing laundry but I hate folding it and putting it away?
5. Why am I actually semi-excited for Christmas this year? I'm usually of the "Bah Humbug" mind set.
6. Why do I suck so badly at "Words With Friends?"
2. Why do people walk alongside their carts while at the supermarket instead of pushing them like normal people? Do they not realize that they are taking up the entire aisle when they do this?
3. Why do people choose to go grocery shopping with the entire family and by "entire family" I mean Mom, Dad and multiple ill-behaved yard apes who are all having meltdowns because they want candy and Ding Dongs and Jolt Cola. And these are also the people who walk alongside their carts. The whole damn family. Nobody pushes the cart. They all hang on to the sides and mow down anyone in their way.
4. Why is it I don't mind doing laundry but I hate folding it and putting it away?
5. Why am I actually semi-excited for Christmas this year? I'm usually of the "Bah Humbug" mind set.
6. Why do I suck so badly at "Words With Friends?"
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A DEEPLY PROFOUND KIND OF, WELL, PROFUNDITY. AND HOW KELLY GOT SCHOOLED AT THE DMV
Let me state right up front that when it comes to my religious/spiritual beliefs, I'm about as Christian as, well, Moses. Or Pharaoh.
In other words, I'm NOT. A Christian, that is.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's a Choice. A Lifestyle, if you will.
Anyway.
Bible Thumpers annoy me. I can't recall the last time a Muslim, Jew or Buddhist knocked on my door wanting to save my soul from eternal damnation.
Because it's never happened.
Today, however, I had an experience at the Department of Motor Vehicles (of all places) that gave me pause.
For starters, every time I have to go to this particular DMV, I always, ALWAYS get lost. I turn right off the freeway when I should have turned left, I turn left on the street where its located instead of turning right and by the time I figure out where I screwed up, I've taken the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
All I needed to do was renew the registration on my ATV, which expired back in 2004. Yes, I'm a little late. My excuse is that I never received a renewal notice. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
So the lovely Woman of Color is doing my paperwork and suddenly she leans forward and beckons me in like she's going to tell me a secret.
I lean in real close and she whispers, "Do you read the Bible?" And I'm thinking, "Crap. All I want is my OHV sticker and instead another well-meaning Bible Thumper wants to save my soul. At the DMV. Great, just great" but instead I just pleasantly say, "Some times." Which is not really a lie.
She then tells me that there's a verse that says, "Be Still and Know that I am God" and I nod and smile and I don't say anything.
Then she tells me that when it gets all chaotic and crazy, which, at the DMV happens on a regular basis, she takes a deep breath and sits still for a moment and whispers that verse to herself. Then, she said, she is reminded of a Greater Power and can continue to do her job without going postal.
I just continued to nod and smile and I took my items and wished her a wonderful Thanksgiving and started to toddle off when I stopped and turned back and said, "Thank you for sharing that."
And she just smiled and said, "Your welcome."
The whole way home (I didn't get lost LEAVING the DMV) I just kept hearing that lady whisper, "Be Still and Know that I am God."
And the lesson I learned today was that in times of chaos, just take a moment to be still and focus on a Positive.
This will come in handy during the chaotic holidays.
Class dismissed.
In other words, I'm NOT. A Christian, that is.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's a Choice. A Lifestyle, if you will.
Anyway.
Bible Thumpers annoy me. I can't recall the last time a Muslim, Jew or Buddhist knocked on my door wanting to save my soul from eternal damnation.
Because it's never happened.
Today, however, I had an experience at the Department of Motor Vehicles (of all places) that gave me pause.
For starters, every time I have to go to this particular DMV, I always, ALWAYS get lost. I turn right off the freeway when I should have turned left, I turn left on the street where its located instead of turning right and by the time I figure out where I screwed up, I've taken the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
All I needed to do was renew the registration on my ATV, which expired back in 2004. Yes, I'm a little late. My excuse is that I never received a renewal notice. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
So the lovely Woman of Color is doing my paperwork and suddenly she leans forward and beckons me in like she's going to tell me a secret.
I lean in real close and she whispers, "Do you read the Bible?" And I'm thinking, "Crap. All I want is my OHV sticker and instead another well-meaning Bible Thumper wants to save my soul. At the DMV. Great, just great" but instead I just pleasantly say, "Some times." Which is not really a lie.
She then tells me that there's a verse that says, "Be Still and Know that I am God" and I nod and smile and I don't say anything.
Then she tells me that when it gets all chaotic and crazy, which, at the DMV happens on a regular basis, she takes a deep breath and sits still for a moment and whispers that verse to herself. Then, she said, she is reminded of a Greater Power and can continue to do her job without going postal.
I just continued to nod and smile and I took my items and wished her a wonderful Thanksgiving and started to toddle off when I stopped and turned back and said, "Thank you for sharing that."
And she just smiled and said, "Your welcome."
The whole way home (I didn't get lost LEAVING the DMV) I just kept hearing that lady whisper, "Be Still and Know that I am God."
And the lesson I learned today was that in times of chaos, just take a moment to be still and focus on a Positive.
This will come in handy during the chaotic holidays.
Class dismissed.
Monday, November 21, 2011
CHECK, 1, 2. CHECK, CHECK
TheManTheMyth is kicking his family out of the house over the Thanksgiving weekend. We've all been told to find someplace else to go.
Why, you ask, and I just typed, "aks" and since when do I speak Ebonics?
Anyhoo, the reason we have been asked to leave our place of residence is so that TMTM can re-finish our hardwood floors. I have no idea where he is planning on sleeping unless he climbs in and out of the bedroom window. Which is what he did the last time we refinished the floors several years ago.
Why are we refinishing our hardwood floors if we just did them a few years ago? I'll tell you.
As I may have mentioned a time or two, we're remodeling the kitchen and dining room and the floor of the new section of the dining room is hardwood and the existing floors in the dining room, living room, entry and hallways have taken quite a beating and if we want everything to match, those areas all have to be redone.
So, there's your answer.
And now you're probably asking what refinishing hardwood floors have to do with the title of this post.
I'll tell you.
We have to move everything out of the dining room and living room and put them on our upper, covered patio and also in my office. And in my never-ending attempts to de-clutter, I'm going through some old file cabinets so I toss that shit out.
And I found an old file box filled with bank statements and cancelled checks from the early 1990's. And some from my days as a Spinster.
So I've been sitting here feeding checks and bank statements into my little desktop shredder and while I've been doing that, I've been taking a walk down memory lane.
It's been interesting to see checks written to department stores that are no longer in business: May Company, Circuit City, Mervyns, The Broadway, MonkeyWard, Robinson's. I bought records at the Wherehouse and Sam Goody. There were regular checks made out to Crown Books and Waldenbooks. I wrote my sister a check for $50.00 for Christmas. The memo line on that was, "Merry Christmas, Darling!" I purchased hosiery at Park Lane Hosiery.
I just now found a check made out to King Neptunes, which is a little seafood and bar joint. A real dive. I remember that night. I went there after work to meet my sister and some friends and my sister impressed the bar crowd by putting her leg behind her head while fitting her fist in her mouth. Some old seadog sitting nearby drunkenly asked her if she was single after that display of talent.
After my cash ran out and I still wanted to continue the shenanigans, I jokingly asked the bartender if I could cash a check and darned if he didn't say "Yes."
Something else that I remember about that night. The TV in the bar was on and everyone went silent when President George H. Bush came on and announced that "The Liberation of Kuwait has begun" which became known as "Desert Storm."
There are mortgage payments for our first house and our former vacation home on the Colorado River. I also found a 17 year old check for $405.00 we got back from the escrow company when we sold the vacation house and for some reason, we never cashed it. And that was at a time when we really were hurting for money. I showed it to TheManTheMyth and he was all, "What the hell?" How did we miss THAT?"
I found the final payment made on the very first car (truck, actually) I ever bought. It was a 1985 Nissan pickup and all I could afford at the time was what was known as the Stripper Edition. It basically came with a seat and a steering wheel. No radio, no A/C, no power steering, no passenger mirror, no back bumper. And I loved that truck. Every birthday and Christmas, my family would buy something for it. My grandma bought the stereo cassette player, my dad bought the back bumper and for my birthday the first year we were together, TheManTheMyth had A/C installed. Seriously, that was the best material gift I've ever received.
And because shit happens this way, about 3 months after I made that final payment and had the pink slip in hand, my beloved truck was destroyed in a fire. And to clarify, it didn't catch on fire; it was IN a fire.
Which is story in itself that I'll have to save for another time.
Among other things found in that file box o' bank statements are TMTM's divorce papers from his first marriage (I married a used husband, ladies). I'm hanging on to those to remind him that he married Up.
I also found a 1971 Eisenhower Uncirculated Silver Dollar, still in its Official packaging. That sucker is solid silver. No idea what its worth is, though.
My poor little shredder is getting so much use that the motor keeps overheating and I have to shut it down for 15 minute increments.
Okay, back to shredding. And reminiscing.
Why, you ask, and I just typed, "aks" and since when do I speak Ebonics?
Anyhoo, the reason we have been asked to leave our place of residence is so that TMTM can re-finish our hardwood floors. I have no idea where he is planning on sleeping unless he climbs in and out of the bedroom window. Which is what he did the last time we refinished the floors several years ago.
Why are we refinishing our hardwood floors if we just did them a few years ago? I'll tell you.
As I may have mentioned a time or two, we're remodeling the kitchen and dining room and the floor of the new section of the dining room is hardwood and the existing floors in the dining room, living room, entry and hallways have taken quite a beating and if we want everything to match, those areas all have to be redone.
So, there's your answer.
And now you're probably asking what refinishing hardwood floors have to do with the title of this post.
I'll tell you.
We have to move everything out of the dining room and living room and put them on our upper, covered patio and also in my office. And in my never-ending attempts to de-clutter, I'm going through some old file cabinets so I toss that shit out.
And I found an old file box filled with bank statements and cancelled checks from the early 1990's. And some from my days as a Spinster.
So I've been sitting here feeding checks and bank statements into my little desktop shredder and while I've been doing that, I've been taking a walk down memory lane.
It's been interesting to see checks written to department stores that are no longer in business: May Company, Circuit City, Mervyns, The Broadway, MonkeyWard, Robinson's. I bought records at the Wherehouse and Sam Goody. There were regular checks made out to Crown Books and Waldenbooks. I wrote my sister a check for $50.00 for Christmas. The memo line on that was, "Merry Christmas, Darling!" I purchased hosiery at Park Lane Hosiery.
I just now found a check made out to King Neptunes, which is a little seafood and bar joint. A real dive. I remember that night. I went there after work to meet my sister and some friends and my sister impressed the bar crowd by putting her leg behind her head while fitting her fist in her mouth. Some old seadog sitting nearby drunkenly asked her if she was single after that display of talent.
After my cash ran out and I still wanted to continue the shenanigans, I jokingly asked the bartender if I could cash a check and darned if he didn't say "Yes."
Something else that I remember about that night. The TV in the bar was on and everyone went silent when President George H. Bush came on and announced that "The Liberation of Kuwait has begun" which became known as "Desert Storm."
There are mortgage payments for our first house and our former vacation home on the Colorado River. I also found a 17 year old check for $405.00 we got back from the escrow company when we sold the vacation house and for some reason, we never cashed it. And that was at a time when we really were hurting for money. I showed it to TheManTheMyth and he was all, "What the hell?" How did we miss THAT?"
I found the final payment made on the very first car (truck, actually) I ever bought. It was a 1985 Nissan pickup and all I could afford at the time was what was known as the Stripper Edition. It basically came with a seat and a steering wheel. No radio, no A/C, no power steering, no passenger mirror, no back bumper. And I loved that truck. Every birthday and Christmas, my family would buy something for it. My grandma bought the stereo cassette player, my dad bought the back bumper and for my birthday the first year we were together, TheManTheMyth had A/C installed. Seriously, that was the best material gift I've ever received.
And because shit happens this way, about 3 months after I made that final payment and had the pink slip in hand, my beloved truck was destroyed in a fire. And to clarify, it didn't catch on fire; it was IN a fire.
Which is story in itself that I'll have to save for another time.
Among other things found in that file box o' bank statements are TMTM's divorce papers from his first marriage (I married a used husband, ladies). I'm hanging on to those to remind him that he married Up.
I also found a 1971 Eisenhower Uncirculated Silver Dollar, still in its Official packaging. That sucker is solid silver. No idea what its worth is, though.
My poor little shredder is getting so much use that the motor keeps overheating and I have to shut it down for 15 minute increments.
Okay, back to shredding. And reminiscing.
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