I am on the horns of a dilemma here, people.
A decision needs to be made.
A choice must be made.
I must use my Freedom of Choice but not about a dog in Ancient Rome who had 2 bones and picked up one and licked the other and now I'm off on a Devo song tangent.
But that's how my mind works.
So, back to my dilemma, my choice, my decision that needs to be made.
Let me start by talking about my cellphone.
I know, excitement city.
Since I've had my current cellphone, the Motorola Droid, it has been a great phone. Unless I want to send or receive e-mails. Then it sucks big, fat donkey dicks.
And since I receive, on the average, 50+ e-mails a day, this is A Problem.
For reasons unknown to me, my phone likes to withhold my e-mails until IT decides when and if I should receive them. And how often I should receive them. There's been many a time that e-mails will arrive a good 48 hours AFTER they've been sent.
Another issue is that my Droid will re-send the same e-mails as many as 5 times. And when you get 50+ e-mails being resent 5 times, it's A Problem.
And another issue is that e-mails won't load so I can't open them.
And yet ANOTHER ISSUE is that I am unable to send e-mails using my primary account. Every time I attempt it, I'm asked for my password and then told my password is incorrect and sucks to be you, doesn't it?
My phone. Disrespecting me since 2010.
So OBVIOUSLY I need a new phone. One that doesn't give me attitude and does what I pay for it to do.
And since I am a diehard fan of the Fruit Company, the phone I want is the Apple iPhone.
And if I'm going to get an iPhone, it makes sense to get the 4S and not the 4.
Now, I'm going to move from talking about my stupid phone to talking about my undergarments.
My bras, to be exact.
I don't wear cheap bras. I can't. My bras work hard for the money keeping my massive mammaries supported and a cheap bra just doesn't offer the love and support my F-Troops require.
So spending nearly $100 on a single bra is something that Has to Be Done.
And this week, one of my expensive yet hardworking bras finally threw in the towel, rolled over and died. The underwire snapped in two and poked right through the material, practically impaling me in the rib cage.
As I've said, those poor bras work hard for the money.
So this means I need to buy new bras, which is actually something I HATE to do because it takes hours to find one that fits right and feels right and even if it's the same bra I've worn, you have to try on every.single.bra because they all fit differently.
Plus, you spend A LOT of money for something that isn't something you can play Words With Friends on and that makes me cross.
Which leads me to My Dilemma.
Funds are more than a little tight this time of year, what with paying for Christmas and an offroad motorcycle race and a kid who just had surgery on his knee and all those pesky doctors and hospitals and physical therapists and MRI people want to be paid.
Which means that I have to decide: Do I get my new iPhone or do I buy some new Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders?
Both will see A LOT of use, both are very much needed.
What do I do? Which do I choose?
And if you're wondering what the title has to do with anything, watch "Bachelor Party" with Tom Hanks.