As in, receiving flowers.
From a Gentleman.
Now I love me some flowers. I love roses, lilies, peonies, sweet peas, daisies, etc. Except for Gardenias. I hate the smell of Gardenias. Oh, and daisies reminds me of a joke:
When is a Vase a Vahz? When it is filled with Dahzies.
Bahhahahahaha! I hate it when people pronounce "vase" as "vahz." So pretentious. Like pronouncing "endive" as "ondeeve." Please.
Anyway. I love flowers. I love having fresh flowers in a lovely vase (not vahz) on my tables and/or mantels.
But as for RECEIVING flowers from a gentleman, well, I'd rather not received them.
Not because I'm some sort of militant feminist who doesn't need a damn man to buy her flowers because she can buy her own damn flowers but because I don't have a good track record when it comes to receiving flowers from Gentlemen.
A few examples:
Back in my wild misspent youth (read: single slutty days): I arrived at work one morning after an alcohol soaked evening that ended with a walk of shame (if you get my drift) and there on my desk was a massive bouquet of roses, a couple dozen of them, along with a Magnum of Champagne. My one-night-stand had sent them. I must have shown him quite a good time (if you get my drift) and he wanted to show his appreciation. Me? I wanted to forget the night (and him) had ever happened (parts were big blanks so I guess I did. Kind of). He? Wanted to bring me home to Meet his Mom. I guess I was That Good.
I reacted by never taking his calls and avoiding him like the plague. Because I'm mature like that.
Example #2: I had this friend. Bob was his name. He was funny and cute and we were Best Friends. Partners in Crime. Cronies. Sidekicks. It was strictly a Platonic Friendship. At least on MY part. But one day we did the Grownup. I was bored, is my only excuse. Immediately I realized it was a mistake and figured we go back to being just Friends. Without Benefits.
He, on the other hand, thought differently. As I found out when a couple of days later he brought me roses, professed his love and told me he thought his family's big Christmas get-together would be the perfect time to announce our engagement.
Sadly, our friendship, not to mention our "romance" came to a screeching halt as I reacted to his proposal in a very mature manner: I ran away and avoided him like the plague. Because I'm mature like that.
Cut me some slack, I was 21. This Girl just wanted to have Fun. Not marry a guy who was, shall we say, "underwhelming" in the sack (if you get my drift).
Example #3: I had made the decision to end a long relationship because I had lost that lovin' feelin'. It happens. I was going to meet with him after work and
And I'm all, "Fuuuuuuuuck."
It was another six months before I was finally able to Officially end the relationship because he must have sensed my feelings and switched into overdrive with the romantic gestures and it made me feel guilty.
So I reacted by cheating on him every chance I got. Because I'm mature like that.
Fast forward to when TheManTheMyth and I had been married for about a year or so.
It's my birthday. TheManTheMyth presents me with a beautiful bouquet of roses. Obviously to soften the blow of my actual birthday present. Which was a transmission for the Baja Bug he had given me for Christmas. Which was something I never asked for nor wanted.
THIS is a Baja Bug:
And they say Romance is Dead.
But wait! There's more!
One day, TheManTheMyth comes walking in the door with a dozen red roses and a stupid grin on his face. Instantly my guard is up.
A moment later, my mother-in-law walks in with her little slapdog Tinkerbell (I HATED that dog.) and a suitcase.
And TMTM tells me that MIL will be staying with us for a couple of weeks and you don't mind do you honey and did I mention that I'm leaving in a few minutes for a Boys Trip and I'll be gone about the entire duration of my mom's stay and look here are some lovely flowers for you because I love you so much because you're the Best Wife in the World and oh look, my ride is here I gotta go.
And THAT is why I'd rather not receive flowers from a Gentleman.