Monday, February 28, 2011

Shallow, superficial trainwrecks

Okay, I had a whole different post written up that was about how some IGNORANT skank attempted to violate the unspoken rules of Silent Auction Etiquette (and failed) at a charity function I attended with my seester Bippy and favorite crony Bubbles, aka "Queen Stella" this weekend but there's just way too much Shallow and Superficial Hollywood stuff to discuss and I am ALL about the Shallow and Superficial.

Let's start with the Oscars.  Even though I could care less about who won what because I'm just not a movie person but I AM all about the fashions so let us begin, shall we?

How bored was James Franco?  He seemed really put out that he had to do this co-hosting job with Anne Hathaway.  Or he was stoned to the gills.  Either way, baaaaaaad.

And because I'm all about the fashions, I'm probably the only person who enjoyed Anne's many costume changes.

I totally missed both Kirk Douglas AND Melissa Leo's infamous acceptance speech because I was getting dinner for my beaten and battered menfolk who raced yesterday, a race that kicked both their butts HARD.  And did anyone else think that Melissa Leo looked like she was wearing a recycled tablecloth?

And SPEAKING of ugly dresses, Cate Blanchett's looked like something out of a Sci-Fi (or is it, "SyFy" now?) movie, what with the beaded breastplate thing and the square sleeves and yeah, no.

I liked Gwyneth Paltrow's dress but her hair?  No.  Overly bleached, brassy, stringy, blah, blecch.  And based on her facial expressions/contortions, she must have been in some serious pain while she was singing.  Next time, Gwynnie, don't eat cabbage soup prior to going on stage since obviously it gave you painful gas bubbles.

How fabulous is Helen Mirren?  

Did anyone else get the impression that Sandra Bullock might have just a wee bit of a crush on Javier Bardem?  Totally understandable because Javier?  Is HOT.  HOT is what that man is.

Moving on.

Charlie Sheen.

Oh. My. God.  All aboard the KooKoo ChooChoo.

How many "exclusive" interviews can he give?  Uh, Charlie?  It's not "exclusive" when you're giving them to anyone with a microphone.  Who's next, Bird Fancy Magazine?  Charlie, there comes a time when you need to Shut. The. Fuck. Up and that time is NOW. 

But I'm sure Lindsay Lohan is LOVING that you're taking all the negative attention away from her klepto fingers.


  1. Excellent review, but there was SO much more to pan and complain about. Ugh. They just get worse and worse.

  2. I didn't hate Cate's dress as much as I hated GP's singing. And does Oprah make you feel like a B cup or what?? Girl has a shelf! Javier Bardem was hot -- about 5 years ago! Ack! Fat man walking. James Franco must have a medical condition because I think he was using "HealingHerbs"(IfYouKnowWhatIMeanAndIThinkYouDo). Natalie Portman looked darling. Classy. Scarlet Johanssen needs to buy a hairbrush. And use it.
    Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. STFU now. Seriously.