If I had written this last night at around 8:00pm, it would have been about how this morning I would finally, finally be the proud owner of a new Kindle. I really, really want a Kindle although I don't NEED a Kindle (shut UP, Kelly!) but I really, really want a Kindle and last night at 8:00pm I finally had the funds to finally buy my Kindle and can I use the words "finally," "really," and "Kindle" any more than I did in this paragraph?
Where did I find the money to buy a Kindle, you ask? Well, last night I went to a social gathering at a neighbor's house and it was one of those "bring your scrap gold and get cash!" parties and I figured what the heck, I have a few bits and pieces of yellow gold that I don't wear because I prefer white gold and platinum. I told TheManTheMyth what I was doing and he said, "but you don't have any gold jewelry" and I'm all, "Uh, yeah, I do!" as I held up my fancy ziplock bag of gold jewelry and he's all, "Oh, I was going to re-gift that to you at Christmas because I didn't think you remembered you had it" and I'm all, "you're joking, right?" and he laughed in a way that made me suspect he was serious but then I never know because he has a strange sense of humor sometimes and he DID think a transmission was a good birthday gift.
So I figured I would come home with about $50.00 to add to my Kelly Wants a Kindle Fund because seriously, my measly few pieces just looked, well, measly.
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, my few measly pieces added about $500.00 to my Kelly Wants a Kindle Fund. American dollars! I'm all, "SCORE!!" and I danced back home waving my check while singing, I'm gonna get a Kindle! I'm gonna get a Kindle!" because a Kindle is only $189.00 plus tax so that's more than enough for me to get my Kindle and I'm all woo-hoo and when the 'Zhay opened this morning, I'd be right there getting one and I would love it and squeeze it and I would call it "George."
It was a nice dream while it lasted. Because once the euphoria of my measly bits and pieces being worth much more than I even considered, reality set in and I realized that I needed to use that money to pay some unexpected medical bills from Thing 1's visit to a Utah hospital back in May.
If I was a more selfish and self-centered person than I normally am, I would have gone straight from the party to Target and bought my Kindle right then and there, justifying the purchase because it was MY jewelry but responsible me and adult me knew I just couldn't do that, not when work is slow these days so any extra cash needs to be used for important things, like medical bills because Thing 1 is not a cheap date.
It only took about 5 minutes from the time I had mentally bought my Kindle until I realized I wasn't buying my Kindle after all but it was a nice dream while it lasted.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
I'm not stoned, I'm stupid!
I'll admit, sometimes I'm as dense as pudding. As dense as drywall compound. As dense as concrete. Let's face it, I can't see the forest for the trees.
Case in point: I was working as a receptionist for a direct mail company. Lots of phone calls in those days before automated voice systems and the switchboard was very tricky but I was damn good at it, always have been a fantastic receptionist if I do say so myself and well lookey there, I did say so myself.
Ahem. Anyway, I had been working as a receptionist for this company for a few months when the head of another department stopped at the front desk to ask how I was doing, how did I like working for the company and did I know there was an opening in her department? I did know because I had to sort through the applications, administer tests to the applicants who came in for interviews (most of them them failed the tests all applicants were given. Sad) and report back to Human Resources with my impressions of the applicants. Obviously, they thought I had a brain and valued my opinion. Department Head asked if I had given any thought to this position my ownself because she thought I was perfect for the job.
And dumb, box o' rocks me said no, I was fine and happy where I was, answering phones, opening mail, greeting visitors. Yeah, Executive Washroom, here I come!
HELLO??? She was offering me a promotion with a higher salary and I declined. Because I'm stupid. The other people from that department took me to lunch about a week later and smacked me with a clue by four and I reconsidered and accepted the position that was being handed to me on a platter.
So yes, I'm clueless.
Back at Christmastime, TheManTheMyth and I were watching TV and the commercial for the Kindle came on and he asked me to explain what the Kindle was/is and I did and he asked me if that was something I'd be interested in for Christmas?
And I, the ardent bibliophile, the person who has books littering and cluttering up the house, the person who is usually reading 3 or 4 books at one time (one for reading in bed, one for reading in my car when waiting to pick up Thing 2 from school, one in the living room, one in the bathroom) said, "Nah, I don't think it's something I really need."
Cheezus Christ on a Cracker, how dumb could I be? TheManTheMyth even looked at me like, "Are you stoned or just stupid?"
Obviously, since I haven't done drugs in a decade or two, I was stupid. And now, now that I realize why yes, I do indeed want a Kindle, a Kindle would be FABULOUS, a Kindle would make my reading so much more convenient and bring Joy to my life, funds are pretty tight on account of work being very slow, again, and every spare cent is needed for things like food, mortgages and health insurance. Even a used Kindle is not feasible at this time, unless I sell some plasma or my dried up 47 year old eggs or something.
Maybe THIS Chrismas, when TheManTheMyth asks if I want a Kindle, I won't be so stupid as to refuse.
But don't count on it.
Case in point: I was working as a receptionist for a direct mail company. Lots of phone calls in those days before automated voice systems and the switchboard was very tricky but I was damn good at it, always have been a fantastic receptionist if I do say so myself and well lookey there, I did say so myself.
Ahem. Anyway, I had been working as a receptionist for this company for a few months when the head of another department stopped at the front desk to ask how I was doing, how did I like working for the company and did I know there was an opening in her department? I did know because I had to sort through the applications, administer tests to the applicants who came in for interviews (most of them them failed the tests all applicants were given. Sad) and report back to Human Resources with my impressions of the applicants. Obviously, they thought I had a brain and valued my opinion. Department Head asked if I had given any thought to this position my ownself because she thought I was perfect for the job.
And dumb, box o' rocks me said no, I was fine and happy where I was, answering phones, opening mail, greeting visitors. Yeah, Executive Washroom, here I come!
HELLO??? She was offering me a promotion with a higher salary and I declined. Because I'm stupid. The other people from that department took me to lunch about a week later and smacked me with a clue by four and I reconsidered and accepted the position that was being handed to me on a platter.
So yes, I'm clueless.
Back at Christmastime, TheManTheMyth and I were watching TV and the commercial for the Kindle came on and he asked me to explain what the Kindle was/is and I did and he asked me if that was something I'd be interested in for Christmas?
And I, the ardent bibliophile, the person who has books littering and cluttering up the house, the person who is usually reading 3 or 4 books at one time (one for reading in bed, one for reading in my car when waiting to pick up Thing 2 from school, one in the living room, one in the bathroom) said, "Nah, I don't think it's something I really need."
Cheezus Christ on a Cracker, how dumb could I be? TheManTheMyth even looked at me like, "Are you stoned or just stupid?"
Obviously, since I haven't done drugs in a decade or two, I was stupid. And now, now that I realize why yes, I do indeed want a Kindle, a Kindle would be FABULOUS, a Kindle would make my reading so much more convenient and bring Joy to my life, funds are pretty tight on account of work being very slow, again, and every spare cent is needed for things like food, mortgages and health insurance. Even a used Kindle is not feasible at this time, unless I sell some plasma or my dried up 47 year old eggs or something.
Maybe THIS Chrismas, when TheManTheMyth asks if I want a Kindle, I won't be so stupid as to refuse.
But don't count on it.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Entitlement AND Brilliance is Brilliant!
Ok, so I got this e-mail (for some strange reason it went into my SPAM folder. Weird, huh?) and how did I not know about this? I can just go out and buy stuff on credit all willy-nilly and then just walk away without ever actually paying for my new stuff. And by claiming that it was the fault of someone else and their actions, I am ENTITLED to a new Social Security Number and a Brand New Credit Report. And, it's "discrete." Which means nobody will find out. We can keep it on the down low and not involve those pesky governmental agencies. They don't need to stick their noses in my financial dealings.
Of course this is all 100% completely legal. Isn't it? I mean, it's on the Internet so it HAS to be legal. Right?
So I'm all,"Suh-weet! Where are the credit cards? Lemme at 'em!"
Hello,
Did you know that you are entitled (I love having a sense of Entitlement!) to a NEW Social Security Number? (Using names they got from the residents of the local cemetery, I'm sure.)
Of course this is all 100% completely legal. Isn't it? I mean, it's on the Internet so it HAS to be legal. Right?
So I'm all,"Suh-weet! Where are the credit cards? Lemme at 'em!"
Hello,
Did you know that you are entitled (I love having a sense of Entitlement!) to a NEW Social Security Number? (Using names they got from the residents of the local cemetery, I'm sure.)
- Brand New Credit Report
- Write Off All Previous Accounts
- New Start from Scratch
- 100% Discrete
Click Here to Get More Information
or Call 1 (888) 400-1252
(You will be asked to give your current SSN, your mother's maiden name and the name of your first pet so that they can make sure you're really you and they can take care of your credit problems. Trust them. They know what they're doing.)
or Call 1 (888) 400-1252
(You will be asked to give your current SSN, your mother's maiden name and the name of your first pet so that they can make sure you're really you and they can take care of your credit problems. Trust them. They know what they're doing.)
After my shopping spree, I'll just claim that Someone Else convinced me it was ok so it's not my fault and I can claim my new Social Security Number that I'm entitled to and I can start all over again! And again! And again! Don't be jealous.
$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $
In other financial news, my son, my blond son, found out the hard way that when you withdraw money out of your bank account, your balance goes down because the bank does not automatically replenish the money. I know, crazy, right! He simply could not understand how, if he had X dollars 5 days ago and withdrew Y and Z dollars over the course of the last few days, did he only have O dollars left in his account. He was positive the bank was up to some shifty shenanigans. So I got out my trusty calculator and a pencil and paper and by demonstrating my incredible mathematical skills, I was able to show him how subtraction works. My brilliance is Brilliant, I tell you! And mind-boggling, too!
So Blond Thing 1 finally acknowledges that the balance in his bank account is correct, that the only person stealing his money is himself. He's not happy but he now understands. And I'm trying to understand how he got A's in math all through high school.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some credit cards that are begging to be maxed out and a new Social Security Number waiting for me to go along with my sense of Entitlement that I'm Entitled to.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some credit cards that are begging to be maxed out and a new Social Security Number waiting for me to go along with my sense of Entitlement that I'm Entitled to.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
The Agony of Defeat
So, Thing 2 has been playing roller hockey for, I dunno, 7 or 8 years now. The hockey season is, well, seasonal with Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall sessions. Her various teams have gone on to the Championship game five times and five times she has walked skated away with the Second Place trophy.
I don't have photos from three of the games because for several years, I didn't have a camera that actually worked so just picture these pictures three more times and you get the idea.
So, this season, the Spring 2010 season, She gets on a team and within 2 hours after the first game, she is traded to a different team. With a coach she's had issues with previously. And because I'm one of those helicopter parents who thinks whatever her kid wants her kid should have, I demanded to the management that she get placed with a coach who will tell her how fabulous she is and that she can do no wrong. Oh. Wait. I didn't do that. Because I'm not one of those idiot parents. I gave her a choice: play with this coach or don't play at all. She chose to play (and I use the term loosely) and her coach alternated between screaming at her and complimenting her. And for the first time in her career, she went an entire season without ever scoring a single goal, although she had several assists.
Anyway, her team finished the regular season in 1st place, won in playoffs so guess who was going to the Championship game for the SIXTH time? Sixth time's the charm, right?
Or not.
Her team got on the board first and then completely fell apart. They couldn't get that puck anywhere near the net if their lives depended on it but their opponents didn't have a problem. I thought we were going to have a Mercy, which happens when a team gets a 10 point lead and then the game is OVER, even if it's in the 2nd period. That didn't happen but it was close. Final score: Penguins 2, Rangers 10. Ouch.
So, once again, Thing 2 gets her 2nd Place trophy which joins the other 5 in her trophy case.
Who is thrilled with her trophy? Not Kaylyn. And who happily posed for pictures? Not Kaylyn. I had to take this one while walking backwards while she skated towards the locker room.
Kaylyn and her Number One Fan, Sean.
And based on her admittedly lackluster performance this season ("I'm just not FEELING it this season." Really? I hadn't noticed. Oh. Wait.), I think it's time to hang up the skates for the summer.
So, this season, the Spring 2010 season, She gets on a team and within 2 hours after the first game, she is traded to a different team. With a coach she's had issues with previously. And because I'm one of those helicopter parents who thinks whatever her kid wants her kid should have, I demanded to the management that she get placed with a coach who will tell her how fabulous she is and that she can do no wrong. Oh. Wait. I didn't do that. Because I'm not one of those idiot parents. I gave her a choice: play with this coach or don't play at all. She chose to play (and I use the term loosely) and her coach alternated between screaming at her and complimenting her. And for the first time in her career, she went an entire season without ever scoring a single goal, although she had several assists.
Anyway, her team finished the regular season in 1st place, won in playoffs so guess who was going to the Championship game for the SIXTH time? Sixth time's the charm, right?
Or not.
Her team got on the board first and then completely fell apart. They couldn't get that puck anywhere near the net if their lives depended on it but their opponents didn't have a problem. I thought we were going to have a Mercy, which happens when a team gets a 10 point lead and then the game is OVER, even if it's in the 2nd period. That didn't happen but it was close. Final score: Penguins 2, Rangers 10. Ouch.
So, once again, Thing 2 gets her 2nd Place trophy which joins the other 5 in her trophy case.
And based on her admittedly lackluster performance this season ("I'm just not FEELING it this season." Really? I hadn't noticed. Oh. Wait.), I think it's time to hang up the skates for the summer.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Rumors of my death are only somewhat exaggerated
Ok, so a couple of days ago, June over at Bye Bye Pie, mentioned a workout video, or "veeedeo" as her Grandma calls it, that enabled her sis-in-law to lose buttloads of weight and does any of her faithful readers and commentors want to join in the fun and lose buttloads of weight also?
Well, since I do have an addiction to crack (Del Taco Bacon & Egg Quesadillas) I could stand to lose a buttload of weight from my butt and other parts of my body so I'm all, "I'm in!" and trotted off to the 'Zhay to get my very own Jillian Michaels of the Wonky Eye 30 Day Shred Veeedeo although actually it's a DVD.
June asked us to send in "before" pictures but yeah, I don't think so especially since I have a camera that is possessed by some horrid hag who seems to show up in every photo of me. What's even more weird is that she's always dressed in the exact same outfit as me, has the same hair, everything. It's like she's my ugly doppelganger or something. So anyway, I won't be showing a "Before" picture until Father Whathisname from The Exorcist can come and perform an exorcism on my camera.
I knew that if I were to do this veeedeo, I would need to do it when there were no witnesses to my flailing and gasping. So Sunday morning, there was only me and Gracie Lou in the house and I had a very small window of opportunity before TheManTheMyth and Thing 1 arrived home from a race so I grabbed my handweights, and popped in the veeedeo/DVD and well, it didn't go so good.
And I made a discovery or two while attempting to complete Level 1. Yes, I said Level 1. As in the easy-peasy beginner level. Don't you judge me. I discovered that doing jumping jacks caused me to have, um, a bit of an "accident" because I haven't been doing my Kegel exercises, if you get my drift. And for those of you who aren't quite sure what I'm talking about, I peed. There. I said it. I have weak bladder muscles. If I want to continue to do the jumping jacks part of the cardio, I will need to get me some Depends or Poise Pads. Yeah, yeah, TMI. Sue me.
I also discovered that I can't do anything that involves impact on the lower extremities, such as the running in place buttkicks. And those lunges where you kind of kneel like you're genuflecting? No can do. Oddly, I don't have a problem doing squats. Go figure. And the jump rope part? Not a problem, either. Weird.
I also discovered that trying to do the pushups is an invitation for Gracie Lou to come running over and start trying to kiss me and lick my ears. Then humping my leg. And trying to push her away just gives her the idea that we're playing a game and she's all, "Woo hoo! Mommy wants to play!" and I'm all "Stop trying to give me a wet Willie! I'm trying to work out here!" and she's all "I love my mommy! kiss kiss kiss lick lick lick!"
So, I get about halfway through Level 1 and I'm DYING because I'm in such good physical condition with the stamina of a sloth who's been taking Doggy Downers. My wrists hurt. My arms hurt from the boxing motions and from the massive 2lb weights I'm using. My knees hurt. My thighs are screaming with pain from doing squats while lifting those massive 2lb weights. My hair hurts, my eyelids hurt and my nostrils hurt from trying to flare them back at Flaring Nostrils Jillian. I'm gasping and my fingers are sweating and I start to see a big white light with all my dead loved ones telling me to Go Towards the Light when I hear the most beautiful sound. No, not angels singing. I hear the sound of a Ford F450 Powerstroke Diesel engine. Which tells me the menfolk are home and my excuse to throw in the towel. Because I had to move my car out of the way so they could park the trailer. Yes. That's it. I couldn't finish because I had to move my car.
I stagger to my feet and my legs are like jello. I can barely walk because my legs, arms and head are shaking so badly. I can't talk, I can barely croak out a greeting to my menfolk and they're all, "What's wrong with YOU?" and I'm all, "Flail. Gasp. Workout. Cry. Help. Dying" and they're all, "Uh, yeah. What's for lunch?"
For the rest of the day, just breathing is painful and I'm thinking to myself that there is no effin' way I can do this every.single.day for 30 days. Unless I want my family to be set for life when they put in a claim on my life insurance policy because I have died from trying to get shredded. Like I'm hashbrowns or something.
Even sleeping was an ordeal because every muscle in my body was so sore that it kept me awake.
I will keep plowing at Level 1 because I spent $9.04 on this here veeedeo but I'm not doing it every day for 30 days because well, I don't want to die. So I'm renaming this veeedeo, Kelly's 90 to 120 Day Shred. With cheese.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a package of Depends. And Ben Gay. And Epsom Salts. And liquor.
Don't you judge me.
Well, since I do have an addiction to crack (Del Taco Bacon & Egg Quesadillas) I could stand to lose a buttload of weight from my butt and other parts of my body so I'm all, "I'm in!" and trotted off to the 'Zhay to get my very own Jillian Michaels of the Wonky Eye 30 Day Shred Veeedeo although actually it's a DVD.
I knew that if I were to do this veeedeo, I would need to do it when there were no witnesses to my flailing and gasping. So Sunday morning, there was only me and Gracie Lou in the house and I had a very small window of opportunity before TheManTheMyth and Thing 1 arrived home from a race so I grabbed my handweights, and popped in the veeedeo/DVD and well, it didn't go so good.
And I made a discovery or two while attempting to complete Level 1. Yes, I said Level 1. As in the easy-peasy beginner level. Don't you judge me. I discovered that doing jumping jacks caused me to have, um, a bit of an "accident" because I haven't been doing my Kegel exercises, if you get my drift. And for those of you who aren't quite sure what I'm talking about, I peed. There. I said it. I have weak bladder muscles. If I want to continue to do the jumping jacks part of the cardio, I will need to get me some Depends or Poise Pads. Yeah, yeah, TMI. Sue me.
I also discovered that I can't do anything that involves impact on the lower extremities, such as the running in place buttkicks. And those lunges where you kind of kneel like you're genuflecting? No can do. Oddly, I don't have a problem doing squats. Go figure. And the jump rope part? Not a problem, either. Weird.
I also discovered that trying to do the pushups is an invitation for Gracie Lou to come running over and start trying to kiss me and lick my ears. Then humping my leg. And trying to push her away just gives her the idea that we're playing a game and she's all, "Woo hoo! Mommy wants to play!" and I'm all "Stop trying to give me a wet Willie! I'm trying to work out here!" and she's all "I love my mommy! kiss kiss kiss lick lick lick!"
So, I get about halfway through Level 1 and I'm DYING because I'm in such good physical condition with the stamina of a sloth who's been taking Doggy Downers. My wrists hurt. My arms hurt from the boxing motions and from the massive 2lb weights I'm using. My knees hurt. My thighs are screaming with pain from doing squats while lifting those massive 2lb weights. My hair hurts, my eyelids hurt and my nostrils hurt from trying to flare them back at Flaring Nostrils Jillian. I'm gasping and my fingers are sweating and I start to see a big white light with all my dead loved ones telling me to Go Towards the Light when I hear the most beautiful sound. No, not angels singing. I hear the sound of a Ford F450 Powerstroke Diesel engine. Which tells me the menfolk are home and my excuse to throw in the towel. Because I had to move my car out of the way so they could park the trailer. Yes. That's it. I couldn't finish because I had to move my car.
I stagger to my feet and my legs are like jello. I can barely walk because my legs, arms and head are shaking so badly. I can't talk, I can barely croak out a greeting to my menfolk and they're all, "What's wrong with YOU?" and I'm all, "Flail. Gasp. Workout. Cry. Help. Dying" and they're all, "Uh, yeah. What's for lunch?"
For the rest of the day, just breathing is painful and I'm thinking to myself that there is no effin' way I can do this every.single.day for 30 days. Unless I want my family to be set for life when they put in a claim on my life insurance policy because I have died from trying to get shredded. Like I'm hashbrowns or something.
Even sleeping was an ordeal because every muscle in my body was so sore that it kept me awake.
I will keep plowing at Level 1 because I spent $9.04 on this here veeedeo but I'm not doing it every day for 30 days because well, I don't want to die. So I'm renaming this veeedeo, Kelly's 90 to 120 Day Shred. With cheese.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy a package of Depends. And Ben Gay. And Epsom Salts. And liquor.
Don't you judge me.
Friday, June 18, 2010
There is just one moon and a golden sun
29 years ago, I graduated from high school. My graduation was a nightmare of epic proportions from start to finish and yes, I'm exaggerating for storytelling purposes but only slightly.
At my school, who you walked with in the processional for graduation was a Big Deal. It didn't matter that family and friends waaaaaay up in the stadium seats couldn't tell who you were walking with, let alone which one of the hundreds of teens in red and white caps and gowns was you, YOU knew who you were walking with and that was what mattered.
So, I was all set to walk with the brother of my then-boyfriend but on Graduation Day, Brother and I got in an argument about something, I don't remember what, and when I got to the ceremony and found him, he informed me that he was walking with someone else and I was shit outta luck. Great. Just great. And for some stupid reason, the People In Charge refused to let us walk in groups, we had to walk in pairs. So I'm hung out to dry, the processional is starting and I start looking frantically for someone, anyone, to walk with. At this point, I didn't care WHO as long as I had someone to walk with. So I spot a guy from the soccer team kind of standing by himself and I'm all "Dude, ya got anyone to walk with?" and he's all "No" and I grab his arm and tell him he's walking with me and he's all "Ok" and off we go. Remember that story.
So, the graduation ceremony is over and families are allowed to come out on the field and I don't see my boyfriend and his parents tell me he wasn't feeling good so he didn't come (he had serious health issues). So I'm thinking Great. First I get dumped by his brother and now I find out my boyfriend didn't even come to my graduation. What else can go wrong? Ha. Ha. So my parents come down on the field and I think we took some pictures although I'm probably wrong because I've never seen any pictures from my graduation and people are all coming up and hugging me and I'm all "thanks, thanks" but I'm feeling bummed because my boyfriend wasn't there.
So after awhile, the stadium has pretty much cleared out and I start looking around for my family to let them know I was ready to leave and I can't find them. I'm looking around and asking the few people who are left if they've seen my family and nope, nobody has seen them. That's odd, I think to myself. They know I have no way to get home because we didn't live anywhere near the stadium. And I'm looking for them and it finally dawns on me: THEY LEFT ME. Again. From the time I was an infant, my parents had the bad habit of driving off and forgetting me. I'm not joking. One time, I think I was about 15, they left me, on Christmas night no less, at a party we had gone to and by the time I figured out that they had once again left me behind, it was 2:00am and I had to get a ride with this guy on the back of his motorcycle and we didn't live close by. Freeways were involved and it was the middle of the night and I didn't have a coat or a helmet and I froze but at least someone made sure I got home. I ended up dating that guy for a bit.
But I digress. So I'm standing there, in my cap and gown, abandoned and alone, and finally I see an old friend and I tell him that I got left behind and he's all "again?" and takes me home where I walk in to see all of my family eating and drinking and I'm all " hey thanks for leaving me behind...again" and they're all "oh" and my boyfriend is there so I'm all happy until we went to a graduation party and my boyfriend ended up getting in a fight over me which I found neither romantic nor thrilling and basically it was one helluva rotten Graduation.
So. Flash forward to yesterday, which was Thing 1's graduation (photos will be posted in a later blog entry. This post is about ME). We're at his friend's house, eating and drinking and I'm talking to Thing 1's crony, The Big Julian who shares a birthday with Thing 1, and I don't know how we got on the subject but he asked me where I went to high school and I tell him and he's all "No way! That's where my dad went!" but he says his dad graduated 5 years after me but he thought his dad's brother graduated the same year I did. "What's his name" I ask and Big J tells me his uncle's name and asks if I remembered him.
And I tell Big J that not only did I remember his uncle, I walked with him in the processional at graduation. Way!
So he immediately calls his uncle and asks him if he remembers someone named Kelly Perkins from high school and his uncle tells him," Yeah, I walked with her at my graduation, why do you ask?" Big J tells him that I'm sitting right there and that I'm the mom of his best friend and how crazy is that? And Big J is telling the story to everyone at the party and everyone is all "No way!" and we're all "Way!"
It's a Small World After All.
At my school, who you walked with in the processional for graduation was a Big Deal. It didn't matter that family and friends waaaaaay up in the stadium seats couldn't tell who you were walking with, let alone which one of the hundreds of teens in red and white caps and gowns was you, YOU knew who you were walking with and that was what mattered.
So, I was all set to walk with the brother of my then-boyfriend but on Graduation Day, Brother and I got in an argument about something, I don't remember what, and when I got to the ceremony and found him, he informed me that he was walking with someone else and I was shit outta luck. Great. Just great. And for some stupid reason, the People In Charge refused to let us walk in groups, we had to walk in pairs. So I'm hung out to dry, the processional is starting and I start looking frantically for someone, anyone, to walk with. At this point, I didn't care WHO as long as I had someone to walk with. So I spot a guy from the soccer team kind of standing by himself and I'm all "Dude, ya got anyone to walk with?" and he's all "No" and I grab his arm and tell him he's walking with me and he's all "Ok" and off we go. Remember that story.
So, the graduation ceremony is over and families are allowed to come out on the field and I don't see my boyfriend and his parents tell me he wasn't feeling good so he didn't come (he had serious health issues). So I'm thinking Great. First I get dumped by his brother and now I find out my boyfriend didn't even come to my graduation. What else can go wrong? Ha. Ha. So my parents come down on the field and I think we took some pictures although I'm probably wrong because I've never seen any pictures from my graduation and people are all coming up and hugging me and I'm all "thanks, thanks" but I'm feeling bummed because my boyfriend wasn't there.
So after awhile, the stadium has pretty much cleared out and I start looking around for my family to let them know I was ready to leave and I can't find them. I'm looking around and asking the few people who are left if they've seen my family and nope, nobody has seen them. That's odd, I think to myself. They know I have no way to get home because we didn't live anywhere near the stadium. And I'm looking for them and it finally dawns on me: THEY LEFT ME. Again. From the time I was an infant, my parents had the bad habit of driving off and forgetting me. I'm not joking. One time, I think I was about 15, they left me, on Christmas night no less, at a party we had gone to and by the time I figured out that they had once again left me behind, it was 2:00am and I had to get a ride with this guy on the back of his motorcycle and we didn't live close by. Freeways were involved and it was the middle of the night and I didn't have a coat or a helmet and I froze but at least someone made sure I got home. I ended up dating that guy for a bit.
But I digress. So I'm standing there, in my cap and gown, abandoned and alone, and finally I see an old friend and I tell him that I got left behind and he's all "again?" and takes me home where I walk in to see all of my family eating and drinking and I'm all " hey thanks for leaving me behind...again" and they're all "oh" and my boyfriend is there so I'm all happy until we went to a graduation party and my boyfriend ended up getting in a fight over me which I found neither romantic nor thrilling and basically it was one helluva rotten Graduation.
So. Flash forward to yesterday, which was Thing 1's graduation (photos will be posted in a later blog entry. This post is about ME). We're at his friend's house, eating and drinking and I'm talking to Thing 1's crony, The Big Julian who shares a birthday with Thing 1, and I don't know how we got on the subject but he asked me where I went to high school and I tell him and he's all "No way! That's where my dad went!" but he says his dad graduated 5 years after me but he thought his dad's brother graduated the same year I did. "What's his name" I ask and Big J tells me his uncle's name and asks if I remembered him.
And I tell Big J that not only did I remember his uncle, I walked with him in the processional at graduation. Way!
So he immediately calls his uncle and asks him if he remembers someone named Kelly Perkins from high school and his uncle tells him," Yeah, I walked with her at my graduation, why do you ask?" Big J tells him that I'm sitting right there and that I'm the mom of his best friend and how crazy is that? And Big J is telling the story to everyone at the party and everyone is all "No way!" and we're all "Way!"
It's a Small World After All.
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