Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Entitlement AND Brilliance is Brilliant!

Ok, so I got this e-mail (for some strange reason it went into my SPAM folder.  Weird, huh?) and how did I not know about this?  I can just go out and buy stuff on credit all willy-nilly and then just walk away without ever actually paying for my new stuff.  And by claiming that it was the fault of someone else and their actions, I am ENTITLED to a new Social Security Number and a Brand New Credit Report.  And, it's "discrete."  Which means nobody will find out. We can keep it on the down low and not involve those pesky governmental agencies.  They don't need to stick their noses in my financial dealings.

Of course this is all 100% completely legal.  Isn't it?  I mean, it's on the Internet so it HAS to be legal.  Right?

So I'm all,"Suh-weet!  Where are the credit cards?  Lemme at 'em!"

Did you know that you are entitled (I love having a sense of Entitlement!) to a NEW Social Security Number? (Using names they got from the residents of the local cemetery, I'm sure.)
  • Brand New Credit Report
  • Write Off All Previous Accounts
  • New Start from Scratch
  • 100% Discrete
If you have negative credit (I prefer positive credit and like to give credit where credit is due, in a positive, not negative manner) because of someone else's actions (yeah, like the actions of those credit card companies who were stupid enough to give 5 figure credit limits) - you are entitled to a new SSN. (You just have to change your name to Myrtle Farkus) Find out details by contacting us today!  
Click Here to Get More Information
Call 1 (888) 400-1252 
(You will be asked to give your current SSN, your mother's maiden name and the name of your first pet so that they can make sure you're really you and they can take care of your credit problems.  Trust them.  They know what they're doing.)

After my shopping spree, I'll just claim that Someone Else convinced me it was ok so it's not my fault and I can claim my new Social Security Number that I'm entitled to and I can start all over again!  And again!  And again!  Don't be jealous.

$ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $

In other financial news, my son, my blond son, found out the hard way that when you withdraw money out of your bank account, your balance goes down because the bank does not automatically replenish the money.  I know, crazy, right!  He simply could not understand how, if he had X dollars 5 days ago and withdrew Y and Z dollars over the course of the last few days, did he only have O dollars left in his account.  He was positive the bank was up to some shifty shenanigans.  So I got out my trusty calculator and a pencil and paper and by demonstrating my incredible mathematical skills, I was able to show him how subtraction works.  My brilliance is Brilliant, I tell you!  And mind-boggling, too! 

So Blond Thing 1 finally acknowledges that the balance in his bank account is correct, that the only person stealing his money is himself.  He's not happy but he now understands.  And I'm trying to understand how he got A's in math all through high school.  

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got some credit cards that are begging to be maxed out and a new Social Security Number waiting for me to go along with my sense of Entitlement that I'm Entitled to.


  1. What a wonderful blog.......Thank you Kelly.......you ARE brilliant.

  2. Scary, indeed.

    Oh, and I used to work in a bank just a block from the college. A young man came to my desk one day with an overdrawn account and actually said, "But, I don't understand. I still have checks left."

    It took everything I had not to laugh.

  3. crap...you're onto me. I thought I had this secret all locked up. Retail therapy courtesy of someone else's SSN - bad boys, bad boys...whatcha gonna do...

  4. Love your blogs, Kelly!