Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Aretha and Mac, or, "As the Printer Turns"

Here's another blog post to let you know that I'm busy being busy, people!  Oh, yesterday was such a busy day, working on these nightmare race results and trying to squeeze in some housework (she said with a straight face), attend to some paperwork, answer the many, many phone calls, all relating to the race that I'm trying to compile the results for and answering over 50 e-mails, mostly relating to said race although several were for construction bidness.

While attending to construction bidness stuff, I was chagrined to discover that my printer, which has always been a bit of a diva and will henceforth be known as "Aretha", has decided it is no longer speaking to my computer, "Mac," that the two of them are in a Fight. This has been building up since Mac came to live with us last month.  In a fit of jealousy, Aretha announced she would not allow Mac to fax documents, that she would only allow us to fax hard copies directly from her.  Fine, you temperamental bitch, I said.  As long as you do your job, I'll overlook the inconvenience of having to print up the document first.  Mac gave her a dirty look but she chose to ignore it.  And she continued to allow Mac to print documents from her.  Until yesterday.  Yesterday, everything changed between them. Possibly forever.

And now they are no longer speaking to each other At All.  When Mac tries to print something, Aretha does the whole, "I can't hear you, I can't hear you" while covering her ears and Mac tries again and Aretha is all, "Are you stoned or just stupid?  You can hit that 'print' button all you want but I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!"

Oh, she'll make copies just fine and she'll allow that lowlife Windows 7 laptop to print but anytime Mac tries to send something for her to print, she totally ignores him.

I don't know, maybe if Mac gave her a Snickers bar or something, she'll stop acting like such a diva and allow Mac and I to do our jobs because I don't have time for this type of behavior.   Otherwise, she'll have to be retired and sent to the Old Printers Home, aka, "The E-Waste Bin" at the Goodwill.

And Mac will get a new partner, a YOUNGER partner.  A trophy printer/copier/scanner/fax wife.

Think about it, Aretha.  Think about it.


  1. Love it. Mac at our house has an unnamed Brother, but I haven't bothered to figure out the fax feature since it's easy enough to do that from work. That and we don't have a high demand for faxing from home.

  2. Now I'm frightened. I have been threatening my PC (whom I simply call UPOS) with imminent extermination as he frequently refuses to hook-up with my beloved Wireless router (affectionately known as Link) and I whisper the word.....Mac.. in his ear. I never thought to be concerned about the baggage there may be lurking concerning Printer. Ack.

  3. My Mac has a new friend, a printer/scanner/copier/fax machine and I think they like each other, but here's the thing: the chaperone is too technologically handicapped to help them make the love match. I can't understand anything in the instruction booklet, so I just cry instead and eat the Snickers bar. I'm waiting for the husband who picks up on their love signals quite easily to figure it all out for me.