One time, I put together a bookcase all by my lonesome just by reading the directions. Wait. Scratch that. I didn't "read" the directions because the directions were all diagrams and pictures. Yeah, it took me all morning and yeah, I smashed a finger and had to kick the parts of the bookcase to show it how pissed off I was that things weren't coming together as smoothly as I had hoped but when I finished putting everything together and placed the bookcase in its spot and filled it with books, I felt all smug and proud of doing something that any half-wit could do but then again, I'm not "handy" so this was a Big Deal for me so cut me some slack, Jack! Here's the fruits of my labor:
Yeah, I know, big whoop. A couple of screws, a couple of wooden pegs and an Allen wrench. A monkey could have done it.
The worst directions, even more stupid and useless are the kind of directions that were on the Thai Peanut Noodles I made for lunch. I've never made these before and I skimmed over the directions on the back of the box:
Step 1: Remove all envelopes from carton. Add 1 cup water to carton (in tiny letters to inside fill line). And FYI, the fill line was on the OUTSIDE of the carton.
Step 2: Except for peanuts, add contents of all envelopes to carton.
Step 3: Make sure you put the sauce in first.
Now hold it right there! You can't list the instructions out of order! You'll have a disaster on your hands and there'll be anarchy in the streets! It's just wrong!
There was an episode of M*A*S*H* where an unexploded bomb landed in camp and Hawkeye and Trapper John attempted to diffuse it. The directions they had said something like "Step 1: Cut the blue wire in half. Step 2: But not before you do A B & C or else the bomb will detonate."
I guess a more intelligent person than myself, and yes there are a couple of them out there in the world but only a couple, would have read all the directions completely before just tossing the water, which wasn't enough by the way, noodles and sauce all willy-nilly into the carton and then nuking it for the time suggested. Which I did not. Read the directions all the way through, I mean. Because I like to live on the edge. It's how I roll. Danger is my middle name. Ok, it's not really. It's actually Elizabeth. Heck, the priests at St. Hedwig's wouldn't even allow my parents to have me christened as "Kelly" when I was a baby because that was not a female saint's name and I had to be christened by my middle name and can you imagine the uproar if my parents had named me "Kelly Danger Perkins?" Especially since I was not exactly what you'd call a Daredevil when I was a kid. I was more of a wuss. I saved my Living Life on the Edge escapades for when I in my 20's and older.
So anyway, my Thai Peanut Noodles that I made? They came out pretty good despite my not following directions. Although a cup of water (to the outside fill line) was not enough. Next time I make these, I'm adding more water even though it's not on the directions.
See, I told you I like to live life on the edge.