Danger is (not) my Middle Name

If you've ever had to put something together, whether it's a toy for your kids, a piece of furniture or even a meal, then you know you have to read the directions so that you know what you're doing and so that the finished product won't come out looking like a disaster zone.

One time, I put together a bookcase all by my lonesome just by reading the directions.  Wait.  Scratch that.  I didn't "read" the directions because the directions were all diagrams and pictures.  Yeah, it took me all morning and yeah, I smashed a finger and had to kick the parts of the bookcase to show it how pissed off I was that things weren't coming together as smoothly as I had hoped but when I finished putting everything together and placed the bookcase in its spot and filled it with books, I felt all smug and proud of doing something that any half-wit could do but then again, I'm not "handy" so this was a Big Deal for me so cut me some slack, Jack!  Here's the fruits of my labor:

 

Yeah, I know, big whoop.  A couple of screws, a couple of wooden pegs and an Allen wrench.  A monkey could have done it.

The worst directions, even more stupid and useless are the kind of directions that were on the Thai Peanut Noodles I made for lunch.  I've never made these before and I skimmed over the directions on the back of the box:

Step 1:  Remove all envelopes from carton.  Add 1 cup water to carton (in tiny letters to inside fill line). And FYI, the fill line was on the OUTSIDE of the carton. 

Step 2:  Except for peanuts, add contents of all envelopes to carton.

Step 3:  Make sure you put the sauce in first.

Now hold it right there! You can't list the instructions out of order!  You'll have a disaster on your hands and there'll be anarchy in the streets!  It's just wrong!

There was an episode of M*A*S*H* where an unexploded bomb landed in camp and Hawkeye and Trapper John attempted to diffuse it.  The directions they had said something like "Step 1:  Cut the blue wire in half.  Step 2:  But not before you do A B & C or else the bomb will detonate."

I guess a more intelligent person than myself, and yes there are a couple of them out there in the world but only a couple, would have read all the directions completely before just tossing the water, which wasn't enough by the way, noodles and sauce all willy-nilly into the carton and then nuking it for the time suggested.  Which I did not.  Read the directions all the way through, I mean.  Because I like to live on the edge.  It's how I roll.  Danger is my middle name.  Ok, it's not really.  It's actually Elizabeth.  Heck, the priests at St. Hedwig's wouldn't even allow my parents to have me christened as "Kelly" when I was a baby because that was not a female saint's name and I had to be christened by my middle name and can you imagine the uproar if my parents had named me "Kelly Danger Perkins?"  Especially since I was not exactly what you'd call a Daredevil when I was a kid.  I was more of a wuss.  I saved my Living Life on the Edge escapades for when I in my 20's and older.

So anyway, my Thai Peanut Noodles that I made?  They came out pretty good despite my not following directions.  Although a cup of water (to the outside fill line) was not enough. Next time I make these, I'm adding more water even though it's not on the directions.

See, I told you I like to live life on the edge.