Friday, October 16, 2009

Who are you? Who? Who?

Lately, I've been receiving Friend requests on Facebook from people I went to high school with. That's all well and good but here's the kicker: I don't REMEMBER these people!

Which reminds me of a story. The facts are true but the names have been changed.

I had been out of high school for about 10, 15 years when my friend "Jimmy" came over. Jimmy had recently returned from a 28 day R & R (Rehab and Recovery) and figured he'd come by and say "Hey" and tell me about his new girlfriend, who he met while R&Ring.

The reason he wanted to tell me about his girlfriend, "Kathy," is because when Kathy found out what high school he went to, she asked him if he knew me. When Jimmy acknowledge that yes, he and I went to school together, Kathy told him that she and I were good friends and told him all about our adventures together and how crazyfun I was and what great parties I used to have and that time at the River and all sorts of things. So Jimmy couldn't wait to tell me that my BFF was now his girlfriend and he couldn't wait to bring her over and reunite us so we could walk down memory lane together. Disclaimer: even though Jimmy and I hung out in the same crowd, he DID do enough drugs to require R & R which is why he didn't recall Kathy from high school.

But get this. I had absolutely NO IDEA who this Kathy person was. I didn't even KNOW anybody named Kathy. I mentioned to Jimmy that perhaps Kathy had mistaken me for someone else but no, the stories she told him that he related back to me were all true. At this point, I started thinking that last concussion had given me amnesia because I just could not, did not remember anyone named Kathy. So I tell Jimmy to bring Kathy over for dinner one night and hopefully, I would remember her. It's a little disconcerting when someone claims to know so much about you and you know absolutely nothing about them.

So a couple of weeks later, Jimmy and Kathy come over for dinner and Hand to God, she is a total stranger. Didn't even look vaguely familiar to me. I mean, I know I partied a bit in high school but it was mostly Wacky Tobaccy, not enough to scramble my brains (the hallucinogenics came after high school) so I was at a complete loss as to how I had no recollection of this person, let alone a "friendship" with her.

After some gentle questioning on my part ("WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU THAT YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT ME AND CLAIM WE'RE FRIENDS WHEN I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE!!"), I got some answers. And was relieved to discover that I wasn't suffering a drug-induced amnesiac episode addled by a concussion I got in an off-road incident which is a story in itself.

Turns out that Kathy didn't "know" me; she knew OF me. We never hung out, we never had adventures together. If she came to one of the famous parties at 3521 Farnham Avenue, she was one of many faceless, nameless people who also attended the soirees at the house. But since she was several years behind me in school, of course I wouldn't have remembered her.

And then she mentioned her older brother. Ok, now it makes sense albeit in a creepy, stalker sort of way on her part. One night, her brother (who was HOT) had a party at their house. And he and I hooked up at the party. And by "hooked up" I mean that we were joined at the hips and lips all night. Until the party got busted by the cops and I bailed. But somehow, that night, Kathy decided that I was some sort of Goddess and developed a fixation about me. Which was flattering in a disturbing, creepy way. And kinda explains why she ended up in rehab several years later. And her relationship with Jimmy ended shortly after.

So the next time you can't remember a "friend" it might not be the beginnings of dementia after all. It just might be some crazy, obsessed stalker. So rest assured and sleep tight.

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