Monday, October 5, 2009

There's one born every minute

So, I've had my Ralph Lauren sunglasses (as seen in my profile photo) for well over five years and they're so scratched up I don't know how I'm able to see out of them but I haven't been able to find anything that I like and that keeps the glare from rendering me blind so I just keep wearing them and waiting for the day when I find the perfect stylish sunglasses that keep the sun and glare out of my baby blues and I'll gladly pay $$$ for them because I justify the expense on a cost-per-use basis which means sunglasses that cost $$$ end up costing pennies per day and will have paid for themselves in a year of wear. And I pride myself on the fact that the last time I actually lost a pair of expensive sunglasses was 18 years ago and I didn't exactly lose them because I know exactly where they are: at the bottom of the Colorado River in Parker, AZ where they sank when I had an unfortunate (and terrifying) boating accident.

Anyway. I'm on the lookout for new sunglasses and since I do watch TV, I would often see commercials for these neat-o "HD Vision Sunglasses." The paid participants would rhapsodize about how fabulous and wonderful these sunglasses are and how they make everything so much sharper and better and blah blah blah. Yeah yeah yeah, I thought. These people are being PAID cash money to trill on and on about these glasses. Whatever.

Well then the commercial offered a "how can you pass it up?" deal: Buy one pair, get one pair free! Two pairs of these wonderful, fabulous High Definition sunglasses for only $10.00! American money! And I'm all, "What a deal! How can I pass that up? I'd be INSANE not to take advantage of that offer!"

A month and a half later, they finally arrive. And I understood why they're five buck specs.

We're talking cheep here, people. These glasses aren't good enough to be "cheap." They don't deserve that "a." Stylish they ain't. I've seen nicer sunglasses for sale on the counter at Drunky McDrunkster's Liquor and Bait Shoppe.

All these do is change how you view the world to a yellowish-amber. Nothing looks sharper or clearer; just yellow.

It's bad enough I fell for the spiel but where I REALLY got screwed, and without even dinner and a movie, is when I saw the invoice and discovered that the shipping and handling for my Five Buck Specs was almost $30.00. THIRTY DOLLARS. In American Money. I felt so used and ashamed. I felt like a coed who woke up in some strange bed with 2 other people and wearing someone else's underwear after a night of doing both shots of tequila AND jello shooters.

Now if you'll excuse me, my Five Buck Specs and I have to do the Walk of Shame. Straight to the trashcan.


  1. I am SO having Russ read this post. He has been nagging me to order these HD sunglasses for him and he is sure they are going to change his life. Thanks for the heads up. Sorry you got screwed.

  2. Oh hell, Bubbles, I'll GIVE him a pair and he can save his shekels and see for himself. I still have a pair laying around.