When I was a little girl, my mom thought it'd be cute to give me a pixie haircut. The result of that was people mistaking me for a boy. A boy who loved to play with Barbies. The next time I required a new hair style, mom took me to her hairdresser who made me take off my glasses while he "styled" my hair. I guess he didn't want me to see that he was giving me a Carol Brady shag. Which is flattering on NOBODY. If I wanted to have Brady hair, Jan's blond waist-length hair is what I would have chosen. Not the mousy-brown thin, lank and dull hair I was given. Thank goodness no photos of That Cut exist. I hope.
As a teenager, I was incapable of Farrah Hair. So I went the next best route, Perms! Perms saved my life, hair-wise. They gave me body and texture and a "look." And the 80's took perms to a whole new level of Fabulous Hair. I LOVED my 80's hair! Except for that unfortunate phase of platinum blond Rod Stewart shag I went through. What the HELL was I thinking? Where did I get the idea THAT was a flattering look? Sadly, photos DO exist of That Hair Don't. But you won't see them here.
The apex of my 80's Hair was my wedding day. Big and Permed and Highlighted!
I looked Fabulous!
I knew it couldn't last. The 80's era of Big Hair went out with the Princess Diana cut. Which I got. What was flattering on Princess Di was not flattering on Commoner Kelly.
Over the next decade or two, I grew it long. Then I cut it off. I tried this, I tried that. One night while watching "Shampoo" I had the brilliant idea that Julie Christie's short-in back, longer-in-front angled bob would be The Perfect Hairdo for me! Never mind that that particular style works best on people with straight hair. Which I no longer had. Curiously, after spending $$$ on perms over the years to get curls, once I had children, my hair became quite curly and wavy on its own. I had delusions that once I got That Style, I would look just like Julie Christie!
But Bill, my hairdresser of 25 years Bill, thought it might work. The hair style, not me becoming a twin to Julie Christie circa 1969.
We tried. We really tried. I blow dried and flat ironed but in the end, I ended up with a hair do that resembled a pyramid (See profile photo). A red pyramid (Garnier Nutrisse "Pomegrante"). No matter what I tried, I just couldn't get the look I wanted. The natural curl was not cooperating. The fact that I'm now about 75% gray (covered up with Garnier Nutrisse "Pomegrante") didn't help. So at my last salon appointment, I tell Bill to add some layers and allow my natural curl to come out. What I had envisioned was a curly, wavy bob.
What I got was something very similar to this:
Looking like one of the Bay City Rollers was NOT the look I was going for, folks. Even my lovely, supportive husband says I look like I own a dog-grooming business with my Life Partner Beverly.
I keep telling myself, It's only hair, it will grow back" but at this point, that reverse-mullet monstrosity known as "The Kate" is looking better and better.
Or I could just shave my head and start from scratch.