So we have moved to the other side of the Thanksgiving holiday and you know what that means, don't you?
Those most cherished of religious holiday traditions:
Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Here's how I got ready for Black Friday:
On Thursday evening, after I cooked our entire Thanksgiving dinner BY MYSELF and then cleaned up afterwards BY MYSELF while the rest of the family lazily watched that classic Thanksgiving movie "Shrek Ever After," I opened my wallet and watched the moths fly out and then blew the dust away and counted my shekels.
Of which there were none.
Because shekels aren't legal currency in this year neck of the woods.
After the dust cleared, I peered into the depths of my wallet, sighed and then went and plopped on the sofa.
On Black Friday, I was gently awakened by a little fat puppy whose inner alarm clock goes off at 5:30am. Every. Single. Morning.
And when I say, "gently" I mean she pounces on my head and nips at my nose.
Just once I'd like her inner alarm clock to go off at the decadent hour of 7:00am. THAT would be a treat.
So after taking the puppy, who we still refer to as, "The Baby" or "Puppy" or "Trouble" because we just cannot agree on a name and I don't know what I'm going to tell the vet when she goes under the knife to make sure she doesn't get knocked up and they ask for her name and you know what name *I* thought was cute was the name "Nugget" because she's just a little golden nugget of a puppy but Thing 2 was all, "That's stupid and we are not naming her Nugget; her name is Puppy" and why yes this is a run-on sentence and I've totally lost the thread here.
Oh. Right. So I take NuggetPuppyBaby outside to take care of business and hightailed it back to bed, hoping against hope to get at least another hour of sleep.
So due to the lack of funds in my wallet, my Black Friday purchases were nothing, nada, zip, zilch.
Which means I saved HUNDREDS!
Then yesterday was Cyber Monday but instead of once again spending money I don't have on stuff I don't need (although boy do I want more than a few things, a list of which will follow at the end of this post just in case a Secret Millionaire reads this and wants to be a doll and get me something off my list. A Girl Can Dream*), I spent the day saying Goodbye to the mother of one of my dearest friends.
The sad thing about a funeral, other than the fact that it's a FUNERAL which means SOMEONE DIED, is that you get a little too happy to see people whom you haven't seen in years and then you feel guilty that you're happy to see them because it's not as if this is a party or anything but when you get to a certain age, funerals are pretty much reunion time.
And so you make remarks such as, "I'm so happy to see you!" to your old boyfriend who also happens to be the son of the deceased and then you wince at what you said because the only reason you're seeing him is because his mom is laying 3 feet away in a silver box but he hugs you and tells you it's good to see you, too and you head to the ladies room to remove your foot from your mouth.
By the time I got home, I was pretty well pooped and also out of sorts because, and this is TMI but it's not as if there's a bunch of men reading this, Aunt Flo decided to make a VERY belated yet surprise appearance and since it's been a few months since she's graced me with her presence and I thought I'd never see her again, I was woefully unprepared if you get my drift.
So after all that, and because of the woeful state of my finances, I once again saved HUNDREDS by not shopping on Cyber Monday.
And that's how you save the big bucks on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, folks.
*Stuff Kelly Wants (but doesn't really need but WANTS):
Kindle Fire HD 8.9"
4 quart CrockPot
Bose iPod dock speaker thing
*Stuff Kelly actually DOES Need:
A job that offers good benefits because Anthem Blue Cross (those BASTARDS) is jacking up her medical insurance premiums a whopping 18.7% for a total increase of 25% in one year which means that she will be paying more for her medical insurance than she does for her mortgage. And that's just wrong.
And wow, this became a Debbie Downer of a post.