You want to see my head spin around and pea soup shoot out of my mouth? Ask me why I did something one way and not another way.
Or make a "funny" comment about my weight when I stepped on the cracked floorboard and it broke. Which is a totally valid, "Your Honor, he needed killin'!" defense.
Or constantly interrupt me when I'm trying to say something and refuse to let me get to the point and then laugh when I explode in frustration.
And then say, "Why are you flipping out?"
Why? I'LL EFFING TELL YOU WHY YOU %&*$@! LITTLE PECKERHEAD!!!!!
It's called "menopause," son, and your mother is suffering from it which means EVERYBODY in this here household suffers.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Oh my God, this weekend was a barrel of laughs around here, let me tell you.
I have the patience of, well, not a Saint and my emotional state is about as stable as, well, pick any country in the Middle East and there ya have it.
Oh, I'm a joy to be around.
And then there's my hair.
My hair has gone circus-freak crazy. Seriously. It's got the texture and appearance of rusty steel wool and seems to have doubled in volume.
If I use a flat iron, it looks like flattened steel wool. If I blow dry it, it's BIG steel wool. If I use a curling iron, it's curled steel wool. I can't catch a break with my hair.
I supposed things could be worse; I could be having hot flashes but so far, I've been lucky to avoid them.
And I probably just jinxed myself.
Fuck.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!!
Oh. There I go again.
Some days I just look at my husband and say "You don't want to be poking the bear, do you?"
ReplyDeleteAnd the damn hot flashes have returned over here. They come and then they go. Before you know it, they are back again. I am thinking about drugs at this point.
I love this post, Kelly.....you have a wonderful knack for being funny.
ReplyDeleteAs for the other stuff....believe it or not, I went through menopause without noticing anything......but before you scream about how lucky I was, understand that my life at the time was so tough I couldn't even notice any minor pains.
Backing slowly away from the slightly unstable lady with the hatchet in her hand...
ReplyDeleteLove your heart. I'm having a rough case of the PMS here, not totally menopausal yet, but it's getting closer since I'm 40. Have you considered getting on the Wen bandwagon like June for your hair?
ReplyDeleteThe last two weeks I've have been dealing with hot flashes that are so HOT that I want to rip all my clothes off. I've been depressed and short tempered. Was on vacation on the east coast, it was freezing cold and when I'd get back to the hotel room at night I'd turn on the air conditioning. My poor husband. All this and I still get a regular period! WTF! I'll be 55 in February. All I can say is it bites the big one. Great post. Good to know there are "others" suffering too LOL.
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