I'm all right man, keep your hands off my stash

Things have been a little tight lately.  Financially, I mean, although my clothes are also feeling a bit tight lately but I'm blaming THAT on water weight gain.  My blog, my excuse.  But back to financial issues.  The construction industry has been hit pretty bad by the economical situation so TheManTheMyth hasn't had much work and it's affecting the lifestyle I have become accustomed to.

But those days are about to make a 180 degree turn.  I am seeing a light at the end of the financial hardship tunnel and things are looking mighty fine.

You see, I have been Officially Informed, via e-mail, by the ATM Card Payment Center that my ATM CARD (since it's capitalized, that means it's legit) has been accredited in my favour, as directed authoritatively by Mr. President (Seriously, that's his actual name, "Mr. President"), FBI and other foreign bodies (David Beckham?  I hope it's David Beckham because he's got a nice foreign body.  A VERY nice foreign body).


And, this is the good part, my ATM CARD is authorized to withdraw $5,000.00 in American dollars (North or South America?) every day!  If I withdraw $5,000 out of the ATM, using my ATM CARD every day, in one year that adds up to, lemme see, carry the one, $1,825,000.00!  I can pay off my house, pay for college for Things 1 and 2, buy a new car and best of all, finally get my very own Skee Ball game!  I'm practically GIDDY at the thought!  I mean, who wouldn't want their very own Skee Ball game?


But before I can receive my ATM CARD and start withdrawing my $5K a day (Hey!  That rhymes!), I have to stop any further communication with Persons and Offices who have been discouraging and delaying me from receiving my ATM CARD (all those naysayers who keep trying to "warn" me that this notice is a fraud.  Right.  Like I believe THAT.  They just want to try and steal MY money.  Well, back OFF; this money is MINE).


It turns out that there are Non-Officials and Impostors in the Bank who are thwarting my attempt to secure the release of the fund (Wait.  "Fund?"  As in singular?  I thought there were FundS, as in plural.) to me.  Mr. President is advicing (his words) me that such an illegal act like this have to stop since he's decided to bring a lasting solution to my problem.


Phew!  I am so glad that Mr. President has my best financial interests at heart.  He just wants to help me receive my fund.  And all I have to do to expedite my ATM CARD is to send him my names (Karizma Stolichnaya among others), fax numbers (I'm sure it's so they can fax me my ATM CARD) and the number of the bank account I want to transfer my fund to along with proof of identity (Um, this is me.  Duh).

Once I send Mr. President everything he requires, I'm confident that my ATM CARD will be faxed to me right away and I can begin living a life of Luxury and Status.  The downside to all of this is I'm anticipating previously unknown relatives crawling out of the woodwork once word of my largess gets out.  Yeah, good luck there; you're not getting any of my money "Cousin Luther."  

Now if you'll excuse me, I must start calling Skee Ball suppliers.