OH, LOOK! ARBY'S COUPONS!

So another year has come and gone and we ALL survived the non-existent Mayan Apocalypse.

I remember the first time I ever heard about the so-called Mayan Apocalypse slash End of the World.  It was around 1990 and one of the people I worked with had been an Archeology Major and she said one of her professors had told them about the Mayan Calendar and how it predicted the end of the world.

Well of course we were all fascinated and demanded to know when the world was going to end since the Millennium was only 10 years away and everyone knew there would be mass chaos when THAT happened.  Oh wait.  Yeah, the Millennium Meltdown was a big old bust, wasn't it?

Anyway, she told us that the end of the world would happen on December 21, 2012.

Well, that was YEARS away so we all went about our lives and as December 21, 2012 approached, I wasn't sweating it.  Much.  Well, actually I WAS sweating it but that was because I have entered the lovely world of menopause with hot flashes galore.  Mostly at night. And mostly when the puppy, who doubles as a heating pad, is curled up against me.

Anyway.  We survived the Apocalypse AND New Year's Eve with ease.

Moving on.

So a New Year has dawned along with new resolutions.  I really hate to make resolutions because 60% of the time, they fail every time.

So let's call them Goals, shall we?  What with the NHL still on its stupid lock out, that's the only Goals I'm seeing lately.

Anyway.

Goal #1: stop wasting electricity in the house.  I have a bad habit of turning on the TV first thing in the morning and not turning it off until bedtime.  Even if nobody is watching it, it's still on.  This family is also notorious for leaving lights on every room.  This all has to stop.  Our electric bill is getting just too expensive.

Goal #2:  Get back on Weight Watchers.  I started WW in October 2011 and lost a nice amount of weight, felt better and even ran my first ever 5K.  A few months ago, I pretty much threw the program out the window and went back to my old eating habits (read: Del Taco Bacon & Egg Quesadillas almost every. single. morning.) and surprise, surprise, I've gained some weight back.

I actually started back on WW this morning when I attended my first meeting in months.  And discovered I had gained back almost half the weight I had lost.  Yes, I lost weight but it found me again.  I should have guessed that all that fast food would catch up with me, dammit.

Goal #3: Stop the swearing.  I've noticed I'm cussing a LOT more than I should and that needs to stop.  Cussing is such an easy habit to start but man, it's a hard one to break.  And it's one you don't even realize you're doing until someone points it out.

Goal #4:  Cut out fast food for one week.  I know it doesn't sound like much but if I can go 1 week without Del Taco, In-n-Out, Chik-Fil-A (which I always pronounced "Chick Fill UH") and even Subway, I will have made it over the hump.  And saved a nice bit of money, too.  I've been spending $25+ a week on fast food.  Money that I really can't afford to spend at this time.  Even with the coupons for Arby's that came in mail.  I love Arby's.  But they are SO EXPENSIVE so when coupons that'll get you 3 Roast Beef sammiches for $5 come in the mail, I'm all, "Woo hoo!  I'm having me some Arby's!!"

Goal #5:  Stop spending money I can't afford to spend on stuff I don't need.  Such as fast food.

I can do this.  I HAVE to do this.

Stuff

Recently I posted about how the Puppy likes to chew and that she had found a Mystery Earring.

So just now, I'm sitting here at my desk, as I'm wont to do and she comes running in, plops down and proceeds to chew on something.

I get up and go to take whatever it is and guess what she was chewing on.

Go on, guess.

Give up?

I'll give you a hint:

Somehow, somewhere, she had found the mate to the Mystery Earring.

I still have no idea where these earrings came from, nor who they belong to.

I also was not paying attention as to where the puppy came from, if she came running from the bedroom area or if she came from the living room or if she came from the backyard.  

No clue.

So, if anyone is missing a pair of dangly diamond-like earrings, let me know.

In other news, my little boy, Thing 1, is recovering from surgery to repair his jacked up shoulder.

He's coming along nicely except for a bit of an allergic reaction to his pain meds, an evening when he was a complete and utter dick and the fact that he hasn't been able to shower or bathe since last Wednesday and can we say, "eww?"

Here's a picture of Thing 1 right before being wheeled into surgery:

Yeah.

And here he is post-surgery:

Yeah.
And here he is after getting up to use the toilet proved to be a bit much:

And here he is high on pain meds and desperately needing a haircut:

 
Good shit, man.
 

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

A PENNY SAVED IS, WELL, A PENNY

So we have moved to the other side of the Thanksgiving holiday and you know what that means, don't you?

Those most cherished of religious holiday traditions:

Black Friday and Cyber Monday.

I KNOW!!

Here's how I got ready for Black Friday:

On Thursday evening, after I cooked our entire Thanksgiving dinner BY MYSELF and then cleaned up afterwards BY MYSELF while the rest of the family lazily watched that classic Thanksgiving movie "Shrek Ever After," I opened my wallet and watched the moths fly out and then blew the dust away and counted my shekels.

Of which there were none.

Because shekels aren't legal currency in this year neck of the woods.

After the dust cleared, I peered into the depths of my wallet, sighed and then went and plopped on the sofa.

On Black Friday, I was gently awakened by a little fat puppy whose inner alarm clock goes off at 5:30am.  Every. Single. Morning.  

And when I say, "gently" I mean she pounces on my head and nips at my nose.

Just once I'd like her inner alarm clock to go off at the decadent hour of 7:00am.  THAT would be a treat. 

So after taking the puppy, who we still refer to as, "The Baby" or "Puppy" or "Trouble" because we just cannot agree on a name and I don't know what I'm going to tell the vet when she goes under the knife to make sure she doesn't get knocked up and they ask for her name and you know what name *I* thought was cute was the name "Nugget" because she's just a little golden nugget of a puppy but Thing 2 was all, "That's stupid and we are not naming her Nugget; her name is Puppy" and why yes this is a run-on sentence and I've totally lost the thread here.

Oh.  Right.  So I take NuggetPuppyBaby outside to take care of business and hightailed it back to bed, hoping against hope to get at least another hour of sleep.

Denied. 

Dammit.

So due to the lack of funds in my wallet, my Black Friday purchases were nothing, nada, zip, zilch.

Which means I saved HUNDREDS!

I KNOW!!!

Then yesterday was Cyber Monday but instead of once again spending money I don't have on stuff I don't need (although boy do I want more than a few things, a list of which will follow at the end of this post just in case a Secret Millionaire reads this and wants to be a doll and get me something off my list.  A Girl Can Dream*), I spent the day saying Goodbye to the mother of one of my dearest friends.

The sad thing about a funeral, other than the fact that it's a FUNERAL which means SOMEONE DIED, is that you get a little too happy to see people whom you haven't seen in years and then you feel guilty that you're happy to see them because it's not as if this is a party or anything but when you get to a certain age, funerals are pretty much reunion time.

And so you make remarks such as, "I'm so happy to see you!" to your old boyfriend who also happens to be the son of the deceased and then you wince at what you said because the only reason you're seeing him is because his mom is laying 3 feet away in a silver box but he hugs you and tells you it's good to see you, too and you head to the ladies room to remove your foot from your mouth.

By the time I got home, I was pretty well pooped and also out of sorts because, and this is TMI but it's not as if there's a bunch of men reading this, Aunt Flo decided to make a VERY belated yet surprise appearance and since it's been a few months since she's graced me with her presence and I thought I'd never see her again, I was woefully unprepared if you get my drift.

So after all that, and because of the woeful state of my finances, I once again saved HUNDREDS by not shopping on Cyber Monday.

And that's how you save the big bucks on Black Friday and Cyber Monday, folks.

*Stuff Kelly Wants (but doesn't really need but WANTS):
Kindle Fire HD 8.9"
4 quart CrockPot
Foodsaver device
Bose iPod dock speaker thing
Artistic Talent

*Stuff Kelly actually DOES Need:
A job that offers good benefits because Anthem Blue Cross (those BASTARDS) is jacking up her medical insurance premiums a whopping 18.7% for a total increase of 25% in one year which means that she will be paying more for her medical insurance than she does for her mortgage.  And that's just wrong.

And wow, this became a Debbie Downer of a post.

Sigh.
 


 

 

AND YOU MAY ASK YOURSELF, WELL, HOW DID I GET HERE?

After being woken up at the lovely hour of 5:45 in the Aye Em by an energetic perpetual motion machine, aka, the Puppy, after taking her outside to pee, I attempted to go back to bed and get a little more sleep.

The dogs, however, had other ideas.  I figured this out when they started wrestling on the bed.

And that was my cue that any chance of sleep was over and done with so I said, "Ah, screw it!" and got out of bed.

After reading the paper, checking e-mails, Facebook, and the Twitter, I made a momentous decision, one that caused TheManTheMyth to ask, "Are you sure about this?"

I decided to go for a run.

I KNOW!!!
 
Well, you see, in the last year, I have lost 20lbs (although 5 of the little bastards have managed to find their way back), I've run a 5K, completed the grueling AND brutal Palm Springs Tram Road Challenge and now I need to start training for the Surf City (Half) Marathon which will take place in February.

And this is the part where you may ask yourself, "My God, what have I done?!"

And this is also the part where you ask yourself, "Who are you and what have you done with Kelly?"

Craziness.

So I stuffed myself into my hideously ugly but extremely effective sports bra, the one that feels as if I'm wearing a corset but in the wrong place.  This thing has 11 hooks!  ELEVEN HOOKS, PEOPLE!!

And off I went.

And promptly discovered that when it's been a few months since I last actually ran, I lurch and stumble and look like Quasimodo dragging one leg behind him while gasping, "Sanctuary!  Sanctuary, Master!"

Yeah, I'm a catch.

But I did get in a good 3 mile run/walk/stagger so, yay me!

And this was all possible because TheManTheMyth was home to babysit the pooches because I just can't bring either of them with me because they drag me down and I gotta move, people.

I also gotta get this goddamn bra off; it's killing me.







 

THE TOOTH, THE WHOLE TOOTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH

As you know, we have a new baby on our hands.  And who do we just absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE?  The new baby puppy.  Who we all just continue to call, "Little Puppy Baby."  

I don't know why we can't come up with a name for her. I wanted to call her, "Cookie" because she is the same color as a sugar cookie and just as sweet but THAT suggestion was shot down by the rest of the family.  And nobody likes any other suggestion so "Little Puppy (Baby)" it is for now.

But anyhoo, she is just the cutest, sweetest, funnest (AND funniest!) little puppy baby!

And I will never sound this gushy about any future grandchildren, guaranteed.

Even TheManTheMyth loves her:

However, Little Puppy is now going through the teething stage.  And she is in the process of losing her baby teeth.  I keep finding little tiny baby puppy teeth on the floor:

She gnaws on anything she can get her paws on including but not limited to:

Shoes
Gracie Lou
Her food bowl
Gracie Lou
Baskets
A Belt Buckle
Various Official Chew Toys
Gracie Lou
The outside corner of her crate
Gracie Lou

And the other day I caught her chewing on something shiny and when I took it away from her, it was this:

Yes, it's an earring.  No, I don't think those are genuine diamonds (dammit!).  The kicker is that I have never seen that earring before in my life.  It's not one of mine, Thing 2 does not have pierced ears nor do the menfolk who live here and Thing 1's on-again GF also denied ownership.

Where did it come from?  Who is missing an earring?  These are questions that must be answered.

And that's the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!


 
 

TROUBLE WITH A CAPITAL T

One week ago, Thing 1 came home with a little surprise for us.

And I said, "No.  Absolutely not."

Then a little while later, I said, "Okay but only for a couple of days.  This is not going to be permanent!"

I was so, so wrong.

We've got Trouble with a Capital T.

Meet Trouble, aka "Stinkerbelle" aka "Nala":

She's a 4 month old Something mix.  Rumor has it that mix is Chihuahua/Lab although we're all pretty skeptical on the Lab part of the mix.  Thing 1 says her litter mates were all much, much larger so maybe.

I'm not saying she's tiny but take here's a good comparison:

She was Thing 1's girlfriend's puppy but Girlfriend just moved to a new place and can't have pets so without asking permission from me, Thing 1 volunteered to take custody.

Again, without asking permission from me.  And I was adamant that I did not want another dog to take care of, especially a puppy.  I haven't had to deal with a puppy in YEARS!

Sadly, within just a few hours, I was smitten:

TheManTheMyth was smitten. 

And obviously, the BabyDaddy is smitten:

Thing 2 is, well, not QUITE as enamored but she does unbend slightly now and then:

Just look at those ears! 

Gracie Lou, however, is the lone holdout:

"Why dis stoopid puppee here?  Why it in my bed?  Why it eat my food?  Why it always want to wressel?"  Why it not leave me alone?  I hate you all.  I stick tung out at you!"

Here's some things to know about this here puppy:

1.  She's housebroken.  I KNOW!!!  She figured out the dog door within minutes and goes out on the grass and does her business and then comes running back in.  She has not had a single accident in the house.  Gracie Lou, on the other hand, crapped on the floor next to MY side of the bed the other night as a "Fuck You" and guess who unknowingly stepped in it and then got into bed?  That was fun.

2.  She's an Eager Eater.  She wolfs down her food and the marches over to Gracie Lou's bowl and tries to horn in on the action.  She practically does cartwheels with excitement when it's feeding time.

3.  She loves her toys.  Plays with them, all of them, throughout the day.  When I put her toys away, she immediately goes and drags them all out again.

4.  She has yet to destroy anything.  Yet.  I'm trying to be very vigilant about not keeping anything within reach that I don't want chewed up and when she DOES find something, I take it away immediately and give her one of her toys in exchange.  So far, so good.

5.  She loves Thing 1 best.  He is, after all, Daddy.  And she sleeps with him.

6. She's a better running partner than Gracie Lou.

7.  She's smart.  The 2nd time I took her for a walk around the block, she exactly which house was ours/hers and marched right up the steps.  When I tell her, "NO!"  she immediately stops and sits.  She knows "Stay."  And she's incredibly laid-back for a pocket dog.

8.  She doesn't like bicycles.

9.  She loves to snuggle.

10.  She loves to annoy Gracie Lou but also knows when not to push her luck and acknowledges Gracie Lou's Seniority in the household.

I didn't want another dog.  I was ADAMANT about not having another dog.

Uh huh, yeah.