Let me state right up front that when it comes to my religious/spiritual beliefs, I'm about as Christian as, well, Moses. Or Pharaoh.
In other words, I'm NOT. A Christian, that is.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
It's a Choice. A Lifestyle, if you will.
Anyway.
Bible Thumpers annoy me. I can't recall the last time a Muslim, Jew or Buddhist knocked on my door wanting to save my soul from eternal damnation.
Because it's never happened.
Today, however, I had an experience at the Department of Motor Vehicles (of all places) that gave me pause.
For starters, every time I have to go to this particular DMV, I always, ALWAYS get lost. I turn right off the freeway when I should have turned left, I turn left on the street where its located instead of turning right and by the time I figure out where I screwed up, I've taken the Ho Chi Minh Trail.
All I needed to do was renew the registration on my ATV, which expired back in 2004. Yes, I'm a little late. My excuse is that I never received a renewal notice. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
So the lovely Woman of Color is doing my paperwork and suddenly she leans forward and beckons me in like she's going to tell me a secret.
I lean in real close and she whispers, "Do you read the Bible?" And I'm thinking, "Crap. All I want is my OHV sticker and instead another well-meaning Bible Thumper wants to save my soul. At the DMV. Great, just great" but instead I just pleasantly say, "Some times." Which is not really a lie.
She then tells me that there's a verse that says, "Be Still and Know that I am God" and I nod and smile and I don't say anything.
Then she tells me that when it gets all chaotic and crazy, which, at the DMV happens on a regular basis, she takes a deep breath and sits still for a moment and whispers that verse to herself. Then, she said, she is reminded of a Greater Power and can continue to do her job without going postal.
I just continued to nod and smile and I took my items and wished her a wonderful Thanksgiving and started to toddle off when I stopped and turned back and said, "Thank you for sharing that."
And she just smiled and said, "Your welcome."
The whole way home (I didn't get lost LEAVING the DMV) I just kept hearing that lady whisper, "Be Still and Know that I am God."
And the lesson I learned today was that in times of chaos, just take a moment to be still and focus on a Positive.
This will come in handy during the chaotic holidays.
Class dismissed.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
CHECK, 1, 2. CHECK, CHECK
TheManTheMyth is kicking his family out of the house over the Thanksgiving weekend. We've all been told to find someplace else to go.
Why, you ask, and I just typed, "aks" and since when do I speak Ebonics?
Anyhoo, the reason we have been asked to leave our place of residence is so that TMTM can re-finish our hardwood floors. I have no idea where he is planning on sleeping unless he climbs in and out of the bedroom window. Which is what he did the last time we refinished the floors several years ago.
Why are we refinishing our hardwood floors if we just did them a few years ago? I'll tell you.
As I may have mentioned a time or two, we're remodeling the kitchen and dining room and the floor of the new section of the dining room is hardwood and the existing floors in the dining room, living room, entry and hallways have taken quite a beating and if we want everything to match, those areas all have to be redone.
So, there's your answer.
And now you're probably asking what refinishing hardwood floors have to do with the title of this post.
I'll tell you.
We have to move everything out of the dining room and living room and put them on our upper, covered patio and also in my office. And in my never-ending attempts to de-clutter, I'm going through some old file cabinets so I toss that shit out.
And I found an old file box filled with bank statements and cancelled checks from the early 1990's. And some from my days as a Spinster.
So I've been sitting here feeding checks and bank statements into my little desktop shredder and while I've been doing that, I've been taking a walk down memory lane.
It's been interesting to see checks written to department stores that are no longer in business: May Company, Circuit City, Mervyns, The Broadway, MonkeyWard, Robinson's. I bought records at the Wherehouse and Sam Goody. There were regular checks made out to Crown Books and Waldenbooks. I wrote my sister a check for $50.00 for Christmas. The memo line on that was, "Merry Christmas, Darling!" I purchased hosiery at Park Lane Hosiery.
I just now found a check made out to King Neptunes, which is a little seafood and bar joint. A real dive. I remember that night. I went there after work to meet my sister and some friends and my sister impressed the bar crowd by putting her leg behind her head while fitting her fist in her mouth. Some old seadog sitting nearby drunkenly asked her if she was single after that display of talent.
After my cash ran out and I still wanted to continue the shenanigans, I jokingly asked the bartender if I could cash a check and darned if he didn't say "Yes."
Something else that I remember about that night. The TV in the bar was on and everyone went silent when President George H. Bush came on and announced that "The Liberation of Kuwait has begun" which became known as "Desert Storm."
There are mortgage payments for our first house and our former vacation home on the Colorado River. I also found a 17 year old check for $405.00 we got back from the escrow company when we sold the vacation house and for some reason, we never cashed it. And that was at a time when we really were hurting for money. I showed it to TheManTheMyth and he was all, "What the hell?" How did we miss THAT?"
I found the final payment made on the very first car (truck, actually) I ever bought. It was a 1985 Nissan pickup and all I could afford at the time was what was known as the Stripper Edition. It basically came with a seat and a steering wheel. No radio, no A/C, no power steering, no passenger mirror, no back bumper. And I loved that truck. Every birthday and Christmas, my family would buy something for it. My grandma bought the stereo cassette player, my dad bought the back bumper and for my birthday the first year we were together, TheManTheMyth had A/C installed. Seriously, that was the best material gift I've ever received.
And because shit happens this way, about 3 months after I made that final payment and had the pink slip in hand, my beloved truck was destroyed in a fire. And to clarify, it didn't catch on fire; it was IN a fire.
Which is story in itself that I'll have to save for another time.
Among other things found in that file box o' bank statements are TMTM's divorce papers from his first marriage (I married a used husband, ladies). I'm hanging on to those to remind him that he married Up.
I also found a 1971 Eisenhower Uncirculated Silver Dollar, still in its Official packaging. That sucker is solid silver. No idea what its worth is, though.
My poor little shredder is getting so much use that the motor keeps overheating and I have to shut it down for 15 minute increments.
Okay, back to shredding. And reminiscing.
Why, you ask, and I just typed, "aks" and since when do I speak Ebonics?
Anyhoo, the reason we have been asked to leave our place of residence is so that TMTM can re-finish our hardwood floors. I have no idea where he is planning on sleeping unless he climbs in and out of the bedroom window. Which is what he did the last time we refinished the floors several years ago.
Why are we refinishing our hardwood floors if we just did them a few years ago? I'll tell you.
As I may have mentioned a time or two, we're remodeling the kitchen and dining room and the floor of the new section of the dining room is hardwood and the existing floors in the dining room, living room, entry and hallways have taken quite a beating and if we want everything to match, those areas all have to be redone.
So, there's your answer.
And now you're probably asking what refinishing hardwood floors have to do with the title of this post.
I'll tell you.
We have to move everything out of the dining room and living room and put them on our upper, covered patio and also in my office. And in my never-ending attempts to de-clutter, I'm going through some old file cabinets so I toss that shit out.
And I found an old file box filled with bank statements and cancelled checks from the early 1990's. And some from my days as a Spinster.
So I've been sitting here feeding checks and bank statements into my little desktop shredder and while I've been doing that, I've been taking a walk down memory lane.
It's been interesting to see checks written to department stores that are no longer in business: May Company, Circuit City, Mervyns, The Broadway, MonkeyWard, Robinson's. I bought records at the Wherehouse and Sam Goody. There were regular checks made out to Crown Books and Waldenbooks. I wrote my sister a check for $50.00 for Christmas. The memo line on that was, "Merry Christmas, Darling!" I purchased hosiery at Park Lane Hosiery.
I just now found a check made out to King Neptunes, which is a little seafood and bar joint. A real dive. I remember that night. I went there after work to meet my sister and some friends and my sister impressed the bar crowd by putting her leg behind her head while fitting her fist in her mouth. Some old seadog sitting nearby drunkenly asked her if she was single after that display of talent.
After my cash ran out and I still wanted to continue the shenanigans, I jokingly asked the bartender if I could cash a check and darned if he didn't say "Yes."
Something else that I remember about that night. The TV in the bar was on and everyone went silent when President George H. Bush came on and announced that "The Liberation of Kuwait has begun" which became known as "Desert Storm."
There are mortgage payments for our first house and our former vacation home on the Colorado River. I also found a 17 year old check for $405.00 we got back from the escrow company when we sold the vacation house and for some reason, we never cashed it. And that was at a time when we really were hurting for money. I showed it to TheManTheMyth and he was all, "What the hell?" How did we miss THAT?"
I found the final payment made on the very first car (truck, actually) I ever bought. It was a 1985 Nissan pickup and all I could afford at the time was what was known as the Stripper Edition. It basically came with a seat and a steering wheel. No radio, no A/C, no power steering, no passenger mirror, no back bumper. And I loved that truck. Every birthday and Christmas, my family would buy something for it. My grandma bought the stereo cassette player, my dad bought the back bumper and for my birthday the first year we were together, TheManTheMyth had A/C installed. Seriously, that was the best material gift I've ever received.
And because shit happens this way, about 3 months after I made that final payment and had the pink slip in hand, my beloved truck was destroyed in a fire. And to clarify, it didn't catch on fire; it was IN a fire.
Which is story in itself that I'll have to save for another time.
Among other things found in that file box o' bank statements are TMTM's divorce papers from his first marriage (I married a used husband, ladies). I'm hanging on to those to remind him that he married Up.
I also found a 1971 Eisenhower Uncirculated Silver Dollar, still in its Official packaging. That sucker is solid silver. No idea what its worth is, though.
My poor little shredder is getting so much use that the motor keeps overheating and I have to shut it down for 15 minute increments.
Okay, back to shredding. And reminiscing.
Friday, November 11, 2011
DIARY OF A GIMPY KID. ACTUALLY, THE GIMPY KID'S MOM
So, Thing 1 survived his surgery on Wednesday. But man, what a long-ass day!
He was originally scheduled for surgery at noon. Then they told him to come in a 1:00pm. And of course he can't eat or drink anything after midnight so by the time 1:00pm rolls around, he's ready to gnaw on his arm.
We check in, he gets all prepped and put in his cute little hospital gown, booties and a dapper chapeau:
He gets hooked up to his IV and then...we wait. And wait. And we wait some more. At 3:00pm, he gets wheeled to the pre-op waiting area and talks with his doctor and the anesthesiologist. He gets a shot of something and is off to LaLa Land. Which was good because he was a nervous wreck this time.
FINALLY, at 4:00pm, which, if you do the math, is a whopping FOUR HOURS later than the original surgery time, they tell me to wave goodbye to my little boy and off he goes to surgery, to go Under the Knife.
By this time, I'M around ready to chew my arm off so I figure I'll walk somewhere (I didn't want to lose my parking spot) and get a bite to eat. And I look in my wallet and there's a whole two bucks in there. Which would be enough for a bottle of Two Buck Chuck (if I drank wine...which I don't) but not enough for a meal.
Of course I would arrive at the hospital for my kid's surgery without any money. Especially since I knew I would be there for hours. So why bring money? Especially since the cafeteria is right next to the lobby/waiting area and smells of food would waft out every time someone opened the door.
Which meant, if I wanted food, I had to go somewhere that took plastic. Which narrowed my choice to MickeyD's. Yay.
To make this day go even better, my phone decided to be a dick. I could not get internet, even with the hospital's free WiFi, which meant I could not amuse myself on Facebook or even play Words With Friends (if anyone wants to play, I'm "Another Kelly" and I'm terrible at WWF so it'd be an easy win for you. Just sayin'). After sending and receiving a couple of texts, the battery decided to roll over and play dead. All in the space of about 3 hours. Which is ANOTHER reason why I hate my phone and am counting the days until January 2, 2012 when I can upgrade.
Nothing like going off on a tangent about my stupid phone. Again.
Back to Thing 1.
An hour and a half after he went Under the Knife, his doctor comes out and tells me everything went well, the screws and wire holding his kneecap together were removed and repairs were made to damaged cartilage and ligaments and someone would come and get me in about 45 minutes.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Thank God I had my Kindle since I couldn't play WWF. And in the time I sat waiting for someone to come and get me, I read 75% of a book before my eye began to twitch and the room, to pitch.
An hour and a half later, I went up to the desk and asked if I could see my kid. He was finally brought in and we spent the next hour and half waiting for painkillers and also for him to pee because they wouldn't release him until he peed. Both boxes were finally checked and he was wheeled out to the car.
By the time we got him in the car, the painkillers were in full effect and I believe his exact words were, "I'm higher than a kite." And his next words were, "I think I'm gonna puke."
Yay.
I got him home without incident and put him to bed.
And to give you an idea of just how high he was, he invited his sister, Thing 2, to sit and watch the Country Music Awards with him.
I know!!
And they kept up a conversation the whole time without a single, "No, I hate YOU!"
I know!!!
Of course, that sibling love faded as soon as the meds wore off and things were back to normal.
Well, as normal as it gets when your teenage son is literally crying because the pain in his knee was so bad and the painkillers had as much of an effect as baby aspirin?
So guess who had to call the doctor and get a new prescription for The Good Drugs?
And his doctor, bless his heart, included a prescription for a little something to keep the plumbing working, to keep things movin' and a-shakin', to make sure he doesn't plug up, if you get my drift.
And I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to know I included that part.
Thing 1 is ensconced in bed with his TV remote, his XBox 360, his iPod, his laptop, his cellphone AND a big empty jug. And I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to know I mentioned that last item.
And a-shakin'.
He was originally scheduled for surgery at noon. Then they told him to come in a 1:00pm. And of course he can't eat or drink anything after midnight so by the time 1:00pm rolls around, he's ready to gnaw on his arm.
We check in, he gets all prepped and put in his cute little hospital gown, booties and a dapper chapeau:
FINALLY, at 4:00pm, which, if you do the math, is a whopping FOUR HOURS later than the original surgery time, they tell me to wave goodbye to my little boy and off he goes to surgery, to go Under the Knife.
By this time, I'M around ready to chew my arm off so I figure I'll walk somewhere (I didn't want to lose my parking spot) and get a bite to eat. And I look in my wallet and there's a whole two bucks in there. Which would be enough for a bottle of Two Buck Chuck (if I drank wine...which I don't) but not enough for a meal.
Of course I would arrive at the hospital for my kid's surgery without any money. Especially since I knew I would be there for hours. So why bring money? Especially since the cafeteria is right next to the lobby/waiting area and smells of food would waft out every time someone opened the door.
Which meant, if I wanted food, I had to go somewhere that took plastic. Which narrowed my choice to MickeyD's. Yay.
To make this day go even better, my phone decided to be a dick. I could not get internet, even with the hospital's free WiFi, which meant I could not amuse myself on Facebook or even play Words With Friends (if anyone wants to play, I'm "Another Kelly" and I'm terrible at WWF so it'd be an easy win for you. Just sayin'). After sending and receiving a couple of texts, the battery decided to roll over and play dead. All in the space of about 3 hours. Which is ANOTHER reason why I hate my phone and am counting the days until January 2, 2012 when I can upgrade.
Nothing like going off on a tangent about my stupid phone. Again.
Back to Thing 1.
An hour and a half after he went Under the Knife, his doctor comes out and tells me everything went well, the screws and wire holding his kneecap together were removed and repairs were made to damaged cartilage and ligaments and someone would come and get me in about 45 minutes.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Thank God I had my Kindle since I couldn't play WWF. And in the time I sat waiting for someone to come and get me, I read 75% of a book before my eye began to twitch and the room, to pitch.
An hour and a half later, I went up to the desk and asked if I could see my kid. He was finally brought in and we spent the next hour and half waiting for painkillers and also for him to pee because they wouldn't release him until he peed. Both boxes were finally checked and he was wheeled out to the car.
By the time we got him in the car, the painkillers were in full effect and I believe his exact words were, "I'm higher than a kite." And his next words were, "I think I'm gonna puke."
Yay.
I got him home without incident and put him to bed.
And to give you an idea of just how high he was, he invited his sister, Thing 2, to sit and watch the Country Music Awards with him.
I know!!
And they kept up a conversation the whole time without a single, "No, I hate YOU!"
I know!!!
Of course, that sibling love faded as soon as the meds wore off and things were back to normal.
Well, as normal as it gets when your teenage son is literally crying because the pain in his knee was so bad and the painkillers had as much of an effect as baby aspirin?
So guess who had to call the doctor and get a new prescription for The Good Drugs?
And his doctor, bless his heart, included a prescription for a little something to keep the plumbing working, to keep things movin' and a-shakin', to make sure he doesn't plug up, if you get my drift.
And I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to know I included that part.
Thing 1 is ensconced in bed with his TV remote, his XBox 360, his iPod, his laptop, his cellphone AND a big empty jug. And I'm sure he'd be just thrilled to know I mentioned that last item.
And with all that stuff at his fingertips, the hard part will now be getting him up and moving.
And a-shakin'.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
LIKE THE PEARL JAM SONG SAYS, "I'M STILL ALIVE."
It's been awhile since my last post and I'm sure my 1 or 2 followers have decided I'm never coming back and have transferred their blogging affections to someone else.
Well guess what, people?? I'm back.
There's been a lot of stuff going on and it's kind of taken precedence over having witty and pithy observations for your viewing/reading pleasure.
There's been some good things and some bad things that have kept me a bit preoccupied.
A beloved member of our racing community was brutally murdered last week and we're all still reeling from the shock.
A few weeks earlier, we learned that a guy I worked with and who just did a job for us was THIS guy. That was a bit of a shocker, too.
Let's see, what else?
Oh. Thing 1 goes Under the Knife this afternoon for his knee. They're taking out the screws and other flotsam and jetsam and he'll be Hopalong Cassidy for the next 6 to 8 weeks. And driving us (read: ME) crazy. I'm the lucky one who gets to sit in the hospital waiting room while he's sliced open. The real fun part will be getting him into the car to bring him home and then getting him out of the car when we get home. Then up the steps and into his bed. And bets are on that Gracie Lou will run and jump right onto his knee in her excitement to see him. Because that's what she does. Just ask my sister.
The kitchen remodel is coming along. TheManTheMyth is hard at work as we speak (okay, as I type this) building the island. He's such a handy guy. Useful as well as ornamental.
We picked out floor tile, which is supposed to arrive some time today. The new hardwood section of the dining room is installed but doesn't have the finish on it. One of these days, I WILL take a picture of how the kitchen looks so far.
A big decision was made this morning by TheManTheMyth and me. The palm trees along our backyard fence will have to come down. I know, I know. But they've grown just a bit too big and one of them is on the verge of breaking the fence. They just got too massive and we weren't expecting them to get THAT big. The one on the left has a HUGE base and it's only going to get bigger so, they must go.
And yes, it's a clear, sunny day with winds so dry my skin is cracking and my sinuses are screaming. Gotta love them Santa Ana winds. However, our weather will change yet again, with rain coming our way in a couple of days.
In other, more serious news, was anyone shocked that Kim Kardashian's marriage didn't even make it 3 months? No? Didn't think so. What a twit she is. But what can you expect from someone who became famous because she was filmed letting some guy pee on her during sex.
And is anyone shocked that Michelle Duggar and her clown car of a vagina is knocked up with Baby #20? Because all the Duggar kids have names starting with the letter "J" I suggest that Duggar Baby #20 be named, "Jeez Louise." Even if the baby is a boy.
And speaking of babies, I'm having a hard time believing that Justin Bieber is that gal's BabyDaddy. But if she is, in fact, telling the truth and the Bieb IS the BabyDaddy, well, I, for one, will be shocked. And could I use any more commas in that sentence?
So that's what's going on in my world. Now I have to take Gimpy the Kid to the hospital. Wish us luck.
Well guess what, people?? I'm back.
There's been a lot of stuff going on and it's kind of taken precedence over having witty and pithy observations for your viewing/reading pleasure.
There's been some good things and some bad things that have kept me a bit preoccupied.
A beloved member of our racing community was brutally murdered last week and we're all still reeling from the shock.
A few weeks earlier, we learned that a guy I worked with and who just did a job for us was THIS guy. That was a bit of a shocker, too.
Let's see, what else?
Oh. Thing 1 goes Under the Knife this afternoon for his knee. They're taking out the screws and other flotsam and jetsam and he'll be Hopalong Cassidy for the next 6 to 8 weeks. And driving us (read: ME) crazy. I'm the lucky one who gets to sit in the hospital waiting room while he's sliced open. The real fun part will be getting him into the car to bring him home and then getting him out of the car when we get home. Then up the steps and into his bed. And bets are on that Gracie Lou will run and jump right onto his knee in her excitement to see him. Because that's what she does. Just ask my sister.
The kitchen remodel is coming along. TheManTheMyth is hard at work as we speak (okay, as I type this) building the island. He's such a handy guy. Useful as well as ornamental.
We picked out floor tile, which is supposed to arrive some time today. The new hardwood section of the dining room is installed but doesn't have the finish on it. One of these days, I WILL take a picture of how the kitchen looks so far.
A big decision was made this morning by TheManTheMyth and me. The palm trees along our backyard fence will have to come down. I know, I know. But they've grown just a bit too big and one of them is on the verge of breaking the fence. They just got too massive and we weren't expecting them to get THAT big. The one on the left has a HUGE base and it's only going to get bigger so, they must go.
In other, more serious news, was anyone shocked that Kim Kardashian's marriage didn't even make it 3 months? No? Didn't think so. What a twit she is. But what can you expect from someone who became famous because she was filmed letting some guy pee on her during sex.
And is anyone shocked that Michelle Duggar and her clown car of a vagina is knocked up with Baby #20? Because all the Duggar kids have names starting with the letter "J" I suggest that Duggar Baby #20 be named, "Jeez Louise." Even if the baby is a boy.
And speaking of babies, I'm having a hard time believing that Justin Bieber is that gal's BabyDaddy. But if she is, in fact, telling the truth and the Bieb IS the BabyDaddy, well, I, for one, will be shocked. And could I use any more commas in that sentence?
So that's what's going on in my world. Now I have to take Gimpy the Kid to the hospital. Wish us luck.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
THE FACE IN THE WINDOW
I've written about the strange shenanigans we've experienced in our house. For a while, my Grandma was making regular appearances.
Which is all well and good because this WAS/IS her house. Except that she's been dead since 1995.
We've heard the footsteps in the middle of the night, walking from the kitchen to her bedroom, which is now Thing 1's bedroom.
We've heard voices. I've seen Shadow People flitting by out of the corners of my eye.
Overnight guests have woken up in the middle of the night and have seen a figure standing in the kitchen.
Even my dead dog, Lucy, showed up, which I will admit made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
But it's been pretty quiet lately. Unless you count the noise Thing 1 makes when he comes home in the wee small hours of the morning from wherever it is he's been.
I mean, I KNOW where he's been and with whom; I'm just not allowed to say where and with whom.
WhatEVER.
ANYWAY.
Things had been quiet on the Paranormal Front. Until we started our kitchen remodel, which is coming along nicely and someday I'll post pictures of the kitchen. But don't hold your breath.
So, during our kitchen remodel, things turned up but nothing really unusual happened.
And then something Unusual Happened.
Something that scared the ever-lovin' crap out of me when I saw it for the first time.
I had walked into the kitchen and when I turned on the light, I saw It. The Face in the Window.
But it was not someone on the front porch, staring in at me.
It was a Face. In the window. Not in front of the window. IN the window.
And the Face was of someone screaming in terror. Or horror. I'm not sure which.
And when I saw The Face in the Window, I screamed too. In terror. AND horror. And I may have peed a little. But that might be because I really need to do my Kegel exercises.
But what was kind of weird about The Face in the Window was when I discovered you could not see it from outside and you couldn't see it when the kitchen light was off.
It could only be seen at night when the kitchen light was on.
I was not the only member of the family to see the Face in the Window. We all saw it.
We wondered, what did it want? What had terrified it so? Was it trying to tell us something? Did it not approve of our kitchen remodel?
You could only see The Face in the Window at night with the kitchen light on.
One night, I was able to capture the Face in the Window with my cellphone camera and am sharing it with you.
It's pretty scary and not for the Faint of Heart. So don't say you've been warned.
Happy Halloween!
Which is all well and good because this WAS/IS her house. Except that she's been dead since 1995.
We've heard the footsteps in the middle of the night, walking from the kitchen to her bedroom, which is now Thing 1's bedroom.
We've heard voices. I've seen Shadow People flitting by out of the corners of my eye.
Overnight guests have woken up in the middle of the night and have seen a figure standing in the kitchen.
Even my dead dog, Lucy, showed up, which I will admit made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
But it's been pretty quiet lately. Unless you count the noise Thing 1 makes when he comes home in the wee small hours of the morning from wherever it is he's been.
I mean, I KNOW where he's been and with whom; I'm just not allowed to say where and with whom.
WhatEVER.
ANYWAY.
Things had been quiet on the Paranormal Front. Until we started our kitchen remodel, which is coming along nicely and someday I'll post pictures of the kitchen. But don't hold your breath.
So, during our kitchen remodel, things turned up but nothing really unusual happened.
And then something Unusual Happened.
Something that scared the ever-lovin' crap out of me when I saw it for the first time.
I had walked into the kitchen and when I turned on the light, I saw It. The Face in the Window.
But it was not someone on the front porch, staring in at me.
It was a Face. In the window. Not in front of the window. IN the window.
And the Face was of someone screaming in terror. Or horror. I'm not sure which.
And when I saw The Face in the Window, I screamed too. In terror. AND horror. And I may have peed a little. But that might be because I really need to do my Kegel exercises.
But what was kind of weird about The Face in the Window was when I discovered you could not see it from outside and you couldn't see it when the kitchen light was off.
It could only be seen at night when the kitchen light was on.
I was not the only member of the family to see the Face in the Window. We all saw it.
We wondered, what did it want? What had terrified it so? Was it trying to tell us something? Did it not approve of our kitchen remodel?
You could only see The Face in the Window at night with the kitchen light on.
One night, I was able to capture the Face in the Window with my cellphone camera and am sharing it with you.
It's pretty scary and not for the Faint of Heart. So don't say you've been warned.
Happy Halloween!
Monday, October 24, 2011
MY WHORES ARE MOANING AND MY MENS ARE O'PAUSING
You want to see my head spin around and pea soup shoot out of my mouth? Ask me why I did something one way and not another way.
Or make a "funny" comment about my weight when I stepped on the cracked floorboard and it broke. Which is a totally valid, "Your Honor, he needed killin'!" defense.
Or constantly interrupt me when I'm trying to say something and refuse to let me get to the point and then laugh when I explode in frustration.
And then say, "Why are you flipping out?"
Why? I'LL EFFING TELL YOU WHY YOU %&*$@! LITTLE PECKERHEAD!!!!!
It's called "menopause," son, and your mother is suffering from it which means EVERYBODY in this here household suffers.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Oh my God, this weekend was a barrel of laughs around here, let me tell you.
I have the patience of, well, not a Saint and my emotional state is about as stable as, well, pick any country in the Middle East and there ya have it.
Oh, I'm a joy to be around.
And then there's my hair.
My hair has gone circus-freak crazy. Seriously. It's got the texture and appearance of rusty steel wool and seems to have doubled in volume.
If I use a flat iron, it looks like flattened steel wool. If I blow dry it, it's BIG steel wool. If I use a curling iron, it's curled steel wool. I can't catch a break with my hair.
I supposed things could be worse; I could be having hot flashes but so far, I've been lucky to avoid them.
And I probably just jinxed myself.
Fuck.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!!
Oh. There I go again.
Or make a "funny" comment about my weight when I stepped on the cracked floorboard and it broke. Which is a totally valid, "Your Honor, he needed killin'!" defense.
Or constantly interrupt me when I'm trying to say something and refuse to let me get to the point and then laugh when I explode in frustration.
And then say, "Why are you flipping out?"
Why? I'LL EFFING TELL YOU WHY YOU %&*$@! LITTLE PECKERHEAD!!!!!
It's called "menopause," son, and your mother is suffering from it which means EVERYBODY in this here household suffers.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Oh my God, this weekend was a barrel of laughs around here, let me tell you.
I have the patience of, well, not a Saint and my emotional state is about as stable as, well, pick any country in the Middle East and there ya have it.
Oh, I'm a joy to be around.
And then there's my hair.
My hair has gone circus-freak crazy. Seriously. It's got the texture and appearance of rusty steel wool and seems to have doubled in volume.
If I use a flat iron, it looks like flattened steel wool. If I blow dry it, it's BIG steel wool. If I use a curling iron, it's curled steel wool. I can't catch a break with my hair.
I supposed things could be worse; I could be having hot flashes but so far, I've been lucky to avoid them.
And I probably just jinxed myself.
Fuck.
FUCKITY FUCK FUCK!!!
Oh. There I go again.
Monday, October 17, 2011
EVERYTHING AND THE KITCHEN SINK
Things have been a little chaotic here at Chez Kvetch, which is one of the reasons I haven't posted anything in a day or two. Or six. Whatever.
The kitchen remodel is coming along. I can't say that's it's coming along nicely because once again, I do not have a working kitchen. And it sucks.
Last week, TheManTheMyth started working on the section where the sink was located. Key word: WAS.
The dishwasher was removed and is now blocking the new finished pantry and I cannot show you how fabulous it looks because there's a dishwasher blocking it. However, you CAN see the finished upper cabinets in the above photo.
Anyhoo.
As TheManTheMyth removed the dishwasher (and used it to block access to the pantry), whatever was holding the sink in place gave out and the oh-so heavy (and ugly) cast iron sink came crashing down and lemme tell you, that's one helluva loud sound. The whole house shook.
So TMTM drags the old sink out and proceeds to remove the cabinet. Which will have to be completely rebuilt because it was pretty rotted out. Goody. This will delay our progress. But it's okay because on Friday, we realized we had completely forgotten to order the new sink to go into the new sink cabinet. The new sink will arrive in about 10 days.
As TMTM removed the old cabinet, a couple of things were discovered: The floor under the sink cabinet and dishwasher were pretty much rotten due to plumbing leaks
and so that section of floor had to be torn out
and the plumbing had to be completely redone. We also found a swell rat's nest under the cabinet:
but luckily, the occupant was not present. And we found access holes in the walls from when the old plumbing was done and the plumber didn't bother to fill in the holes thus giving the little rat-bastards easy access. Fuckers.
So currently, my dishwasher is blocking my pantry, the refrigerator is sitting in the middle of the room, I don't have a sink and have to wash dishes in the bathroom sink, there's tools and assorted flotsam and jetsam covering my dining room table and it's just such a mess I can't stand it. I also no longer have countertops.
But on the bright side, my fabulous new stove was delivered on Friday but since we can't install it at this time (and God only knows WHEN it can be installed) it just sits in the middle of the floor and has become another flat surface to pile crap on:
Unable to cook, unable to wash dishes, unable to get into my gorgeous new pantry.
Just another day in Paradise.
The kitchen remodel is coming along. I can't say that's it's coming along nicely because once again, I do not have a working kitchen. And it sucks.
Last week, TheManTheMyth started working on the section where the sink was located. Key word: WAS.
Anyhoo.
As TheManTheMyth removed the dishwasher (and used it to block access to the pantry), whatever was holding the sink in place gave out and the oh-so heavy (and ugly) cast iron sink came crashing down and lemme tell you, that's one helluva loud sound. The whole house shook.
So TMTM drags the old sink out and proceeds to remove the cabinet. Which will have to be completely rebuilt because it was pretty rotted out. Goody. This will delay our progress. But it's okay because on Friday, we realized we had completely forgotten to order the new sink to go into the new sink cabinet. The new sink will arrive in about 10 days.
As TMTM removed the old cabinet, a couple of things were discovered: The floor under the sink cabinet and dishwasher were pretty much rotten due to plumbing leaks
So currently, my dishwasher is blocking my pantry, the refrigerator is sitting in the middle of the room, I don't have a sink and have to wash dishes in the bathroom sink, there's tools and assorted flotsam and jetsam covering my dining room table and it's just such a mess I can't stand it. I also no longer have countertops.
But on the bright side, my fabulous new stove was delivered on Friday but since we can't install it at this time (and God only knows WHEN it can be installed) it just sits in the middle of the floor and has become another flat surface to pile crap on:
Just another day in Paradise.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)